I have walked through shadows thick and deep
where silence screams and tears don't sleep
lost in a world that don't feel mine
carrying pain, I hide in cries
A heart that's cracked, still beats its flight
through lonely days and endless nights
Addictions whisper, tempting, cold
but I'm not just the stories told
I miss the love I never had
the ones I lost, the moments sad
trust feels distant, breaking thin
yet here I stand, refusing to dim
this is my battle, raw and true
the scars I wear, the wars I knew
still breathing, still trying to be
more than my past, more than what they see
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
I agree with Cats, there is lots of potential here! The poem flows really well. The rhyming is simple but doesn't feel forced. In fact, I think this could also work well as a song if you were ever interested in turning it into one! I can also really see the emotion behind the poem. As often is the way with poems, I am left wondering and wanting to know more about you, or the speaker in the poem. For example what the past struggles have been, what the current battle is. But I can also understand why this is more abstract and you might not want to share full details - and also sometimes I think that means more people can relate to the poem even though they may be going through very different things, which is always great. I also really like the last two lines as they flow so well, they feel hopeful, and they round off the poem really nicely. One final suggestion is since the poem is called Shadows and starts with this image, whether you could incorporate this image or theme all the way through or return to it at the end. As you begin with this, but kind of lose the thread of it after that, so it would be great to see more of it if shadows are an important image for this poem.
Wow!!! New to YWS, huh? Well, you sure got some talent in poems! Your writing is descriptive and drives me into the scene right away. The title is mesmerizing and mysterious, and hooked me in
The rhyming and the syllable pattern really set the beat, and the creativity is lots! It sounds like what people can go through, and is very emotional. It teaches us to be strong, no matter what happens before that. It already happened. You can only look forward to the future, and leave the past behind. Overall, I LOVE this poem, and I hope you will post more of your works! You have lots of potiental. Thanks for writing this, it really interested me in your writing. I'll review more of your works!!! Happy Writing!
From,
CATS387