Published August 1, 2011
If Innocence had a form,
it would be that of a child.
So happy and joyous.
So sweet yet wild.
And purity as radiant,
as the light that shines from the sun.
And then I again remember,
That I now have none.
So I will dream and cry,
for just one taste,
of the innocence of a child.
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137,630 Literary Works • 672,054 Reviews
I like it. You should add more to it though. But it's really good. (=
I like the writing, first off. It has an easy flow which I think is priority in a poem [for me anyway n_n]. And I like the whole idea, particularly since I'm 18 and I've been thinking about this whole thing a lot. But the only critique I can throw in is the very last part. I think it sounds too much like you've never experienced the innocence of a child. I mean, I know what you meant, and I think just about every reader should be able to conclude what you meant, but do you mean you wish to feel it again? I get that impression since you said "That I now have none." So instead of "just one taste" maybe something like "one last taste" or "one more taste?" It's your poem though, ultimately. So in the end, well done.
I like this. It is a simple poem, easy to understand, yet holds a lot of meaning. I feel that people who can write deep poetry without using all of these fancy and uncommon words really know what they are doing.
Imagery
5/10 (I am a critic of imagery, so don't feel bad or anything XD)
Nitpicks
One thing is that I think it's a bit too short and, and that you could really expand on this, make it better. Some parts are a bit too choppy, and maybe you could up the imagery a bit.
But that's all from me
This was so beautiful!!! I like it a lot, and I want you to expand on it.
First off, there's this stanza:
It was kind of out of place considering the fact that it's only got three lines. If nothing else, I would recommend adding another line to it, just so the poem's consistent.
Also, overall, while this is such a lovely poem, it's extremely short. I think that so much more could be said about a childs innocence. Of course, it shouldn't be too long, but maybe just three or four more stanza's would be right on the money. I really really like this and I want you to keep adding to it!! Keep up the good work!!
~Molly