Stained Rose: Chapter 1 - Part 1

by RokitaVivi

Published October 2, 2025

18+ Mature Content

In Stained Rose (Novella)

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for mature content.

190X…

Cool wind parts the overlapping posters of missing people glued on the market walls: young and old, pauper and noble, righteous and sinful. The streets are teeming with folks weeping along the paved path, others looking over their shoulders, while some live in their fantasy, away from the dire reality. A disheveled man in his mid-forties runs through the middle of the road in hysterical laughter. In a nearby alleyway, a small group of people gather around a draped body like blow-flies, while the cops threaten the crowd back with their nightsticks. As the horses clip-clop on the cobbled ground, carrying a cherry-wood casket to another wake.

The young couple’s shoes crunch over orange and yellow leaves as the wind nips their faces. Rosalie holds a bouquet of fresh forget-me-nots in her hands with a basket dangling along her arm, while Elias carries a wrapped present with a soft beige ribbon and a tag addressed to Lawrence Bonheur. The spiked iron bars transform the sea of protruding stones into a zoetrope, a gravedigger flickers between the evenly spaced columns as he goes about his routine. Finally, the two stop at the open entrance reading, “Grand Pleasant Cemetery.” She walks into its kempt grounds, while her husband stays behind and lights a cigarette.

Within its confines, a mother comforting her daughter over the loss of her older brother, and on the far end is a pastor reciting from his beaten Bible at another funeral. A couple walks in the opposite way carrying no pain or sorrow. She kept to the path she always took, even when her attention was taken elsewhere, her legs knew the way. Rosalie turns to the right side, she lets out a tiny gasp and quickly steps back. A lady dressed in mourning attire stands in front of Marie’s tombstone, her face obscured by a black veil and a strong spicy scent akin to cloves emitting off her body. No shadow seemed present over the trimmed grass, as if the very silhouette itself had taken a life of its own.

She shakes her head, “My apologies, I… didn’t think anyone would be here.” But the lady in black didn’t respond or make any moves, only stared at her. Rosalie rubs her sleeve and averts her gaze, raising the flowers to the woman, “Could you hold these?”

She nods and takes the bottom of the bouquet, avoiding her gloves. Rosalie pulls out a small broom from her basket, sweeping the red and yellow leaves from the headstone. Though she couldn’t see behind the lady’s shroud, she squirms under her blistering gaze.

“Unnecessary, yes, but it brings a sort of comfort,” she puts away the broom, pulling out a white cloth to wipe the dull grime away, “like a fireplace on a winter’s night.”

The lady in black returns the bouquet of forget-me-nots. Rosalie bows her head, averting her eyes as she lays the flowers on her grave. She steps back, not a single speck of dirt was left on the smooth stone surface. Another gust tickles the grass and rustles the orange-colored trees, carrying the sobs and clomping through the aether.

Rosalie fiddles her hands, looking at the woman through her peripheral, “Was she special to you as well?” But the lady in black remains mute. She sighs, “I don’t blame you. She had a way of pulling people to her in, like a sun holding the planet in place. But even that doesn’t describe her,” she unbuttons her Copenhagen blue wool coat, unwrapping the pearl-cross mink scarf and pulls out a silver ring with a ruby star held by a chain round her neck. “I could clean her grave until my knees are weak or keep as many keepsakes of hers. But nothing can replace her sweet voice and those lovely blue eyes, even in my dreams I still see her,” She pulls out a handkerchief and dabs her eyes. “If only I could tell her”–she stops, looking at the lady in black–“you must think me mad. Listening to the pathetic ramblings of some silly woman. Every waking moment feels so cold without her warmth.” She wraps her arms around herself, “If I could see her once more, even for just a brief moment.” She closes her eyes as her head droops, letting out a shudder.

“Maybe the ship hasn’t sailed.”

Her head whips up, looking all over the grounds, even for just a glimpse, “Sternlicht?”

Unfortunately she was nowhere to be seen, as if she never existed from the very beginning. Nothing but the hallucinations of a budding mad woman. A hand touches her shoulder, snapping her out of a trance. She emits a small shriek and body jerks, turning around to see her husband with a newspaper tucked in his underarm.

“Jumpy little grasshopper aren’t you,” Elias’s voice lightens, giving her another pat on the shoulder. “Are you alright, Rose?”

She stares at him for a moment, “I thought I saw a… ghost.”

He laughs, “Didn’t think ghosts are up with the larks now. First in photos and now this,” he takes a breath and releases a long breeze, “well, stranger things have happened. Come now, our ride awaits!”

He guides her away, the distance turning light-purple flowers in a small blip. Once inside the hansom, Elias opens the newspaper of the New Gratz Gazette, “‘ANOTHER BODY FOUND UNDER BRIDGE, POSSIBLE KILLERS!’ Police found another body underneath a bridge. The body was identified to be Sarah Fisher, age 26, sharing similar injuries as past victims: lacerations round the throat, deep gouges in chest, and emaciated. Authorities have narrowed down to two possible suspects: an escaped panther from the New Gratz Zoo 4 months prior or a convict who has been traveling southwest from state to state for the last two 2 years, the country of origin is unknown. The number of bodies from those states are yet to be known…

***

Rosalie sits on the back porch, a speckled rabbit laying snug on her lap. Many fireflies dance in the air and creatures play their routine symphony, all performing under the vast starlit curtain. The Autumn air freshens her lungs, she steadily lets go a long thin breath. She closes her eyes and leans her head on the wall. A long creak snaps her trance, turning to find Elias holding the open door.

“You’re up late,” she comments.

He rubs the back of his neck, “I… couldn’t get a wink,” turning his eyes away from her piercing stare, “may I join you?”

“Depends, are you going to scream at me?”

His mouth opens, but snaps it shut halfway and shakes his head. She scoops the rabbit into her arms and scoots to the other end. Neither of them disrupted the chirping crickets or croaking frogs as the lights continued to blink in and out. His leg bounces and hand shifts to his gut, like an iron ball covered in sticky black tar weighing in the pit of his stomach. Rosalie sets the rabbit on his lap, its warmth loosening his tense nerves. Instinctively stroking its soft short coat, a soothing balm on his weary soul.

He takes a deep breath, “About three years ago –,”

“It’s all in the past,” she cuts him off. She rubs her eyes and takes a breath, “Marie is tending to her daisies now. While I was a bull ramming into a brick wall.”

He looks down at the sleeping rabbit, “All for the sake of normalcy.”

Rosalie sniffs, “If it makes you feel better, I would’ve said something similar to make you stop screaming if ever Lawrence crossed the River Styx.” A crooked smile pulls at one corner.

He raises his voice, “How does that make me feel better?” She laughs and raises her shoulders. Elias groans, “What am I going to do with you?” He leans back on the bench, covering his face. The hand continues petting its fur, all three relish in tonight's show. “After all those years, she’s still on your mind?”

She firmly states, “Everyday. Nothing will change that, not in this life nor the next,” her hand moves over her breast, “Even the most trivial things brings her back.” She wipes her eyes, then turns to Elias, “What about Lawrence?”

“The answer’s pretty obvious, isn’t it,” he smiles and quirks an eyebrow, resting his hand on his cheek.

She pouts, placing her chin on her knuckles, “Pfft, Spoilsport.” Elias chuckles, ruffling her coarse hair. A firefly lands on Rosalie, blinking and crawling across her hand, “Perhaps in a different life, we could’ve been great friends,” The insect flies off her finger tip, joining the other flashing lights.

A tender smile pulls his mouth and sighs, “I’d like to think so. The four of us riding on horseback along the shores, climbing to the mountaintops and shouting our hearts out without a care in the world,” he looks down at the small creature, “live our lives, not this ridiculous parody!”

A warm drop falls onto the downy coat and his hand ceases its motion. Rosalie leans her head on his broad shoulder, his white nightshirt becoming damp. Her nose started sniffling and she rested her hand on the rabbit. Elias chokes and buries his face into her hair, wetting the strands in her fiery mane.

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
RokitaVivi
Comment
Stickied · RokitaVivi commented Comment · Oct 2, 2025

Not a long translation like in the previous in the prologue, but it's just one in German for this. Unnecessary? Debatable. But I'm putting it in here for sake of convenience. I don't want to go through the stress of someone asking, "What the heck are they saying," or, "you didn't translate this one small word in part x."

Translation note for part 1:

Sternlicht (German) - starlight

User avatar
Tikaya
Review
Tikaya wrote a review Review · Jun 5

Powerful starting paragraph!

Oh I wonder if Marie was buried in the very same cemetery that Rose drew her on the altar in! The symbolism!
Also another neat paragraph, that second one xd

"No shadow seemed present over the trimmed grass, as if the very silhouette itself had taken a life of its own."
Love this description.
I wonder if all the dead and missing ppl are a hint of the deeper plot... Or just a historical event that I'm unfamiliar with.

I really like the encounter with the... Ghost? (She did hold the flowers for a bit soooo) Or just her own grief manifesting in hallucinations. Both are valid avenues to pursue.
I also appreciate that her husband doesn't react negatively to her saying she's seen a ghost. He's dismissive BC ofc he is but it could've been so much worse given how the prologue ended...
(Not saying the asylum isn't still on the menu)

Also I do like that the panther is at least in consideration xd
Tho hear me out: vampires.

I'm impressed with how much you made me feel in the last section. Ahhhhh. It sounds like they are all gay and found the perfect arrangement and then.... Three years ago happend qqqqq

RokitaVivi replied · Jun 6

I'm glad you like part one of the first chapter (so far) and took the time do make a review. It is an improvement over the prologue. Apologies for not making process on the story, I wanted to take a break from Stained Rose and work on a different story to prevent burnout.

So about the cemetery... its not the same one, where she was buried is a different one. Sorry to disappoint you.

The dead/missing people is connected to the plot but later on. The ghost/hallucination I try to keep it ambiguous, had a fun time writing that part. I did make the husband less of a jerk than the prologue. Slightly off topic, the reason why I put it in the horror category is because of the gothic and wasn't sure where to put it.

The "hear me out", I have no comment and keeping my mouth shut until I get further into the story :l

You are correct, they're all gay but in a lavender marriage. So the arrangement isn't perfect. To be fair, a lot can happen in three years... so yeah.

User avatar
Snoink
Review
Snoink wrote a review Review · Oct 25, 2025

Hello! :D

Ooooooh... I actually liked this chapter a lot more. Honestly, if I were writing this, I would probably get rid of the prologue and start with this instead, but expand on it a little more.

Hmmm... I should describe what I would do, shouldn't I? Like... I would describe the woman in black a little more so if it's Marie (could it be Marie??) it would be her description. Mind you, at the beginning, if the prologue is taken out, the reader would not recognize Marie at first. But!!! Rosalie would. So she can think back about that later. That would also help your lack of chemistry problem better because now it's obvious that they had chemistry because why would Rosalie be weeping at her grave otherwise??? And I would also have Rosalie rant about Marie more at the graveside too.

OKAY. Now let's talk about the BIG THING.

I kind of suspected this with the prologue, but I didn't want to say anything because what if I was wrong??? But also, when I read the prologue, I was suspicious that perhaps the two couples were swinging with each other. AND APPARENTLY THIS SEEMS TO BE THE CASE! Though now it's awkward that Marie is dead.

Honestly? Her husband is a louse to continue on with his relationship with Lawrence without Marie around because of course that would rub salt in the wound. But like... he's acting all annoyed when she shows grief? Even though he knows about their connection? He's a jerk and I kind of hate him, hahaha. Like, he seems nice when he's talking with her, but nope. He's a jerk.

Anyway, a couple of little things!

- Rosalie refers to herself as a girl? Dude. Once you have several children, it's kind of weird to refer to yourself as a girl. Like... you have a girl, but you are a woman. (At least, that's how I kind of feel like?) And she had twins! So my bet would be she considers herself a woman, hahaha.

- At one point, you refer to an orange tree. I think you're talking about the color of leaves, but when I first read it, I thought of the fruit tree. So you might want to tweak that a little!

- I *laughed* out loud when I saw that the police were considering Sarah's death... like it's either a murder or an attack by a vicious animal. Like, WHAT??? I don't know... I just thought it was funny. Maybe I shouldn't. XD

Okay... onto the next section I guess? :)

Hello again! :D

To be fair, with the prologue and chapter one I was feeling it around XD. Honestly Rosalie partially ranting about Marie out of frustration is not a bad idea.

Alright onto the big points!

The couples are being swinger? It was meant to be lavender marriage type of situation, maybe I wasn't clear enough in my writing XD.

Rosalie referring to herself as a girl? That was an oversight on my part.... so that's an oops on my part. When you point out the orange tree, it kind of DOES make it sound like fruit tree XD, but I was indeed talking about the leaves. I'll edit it that out, thank you for pointing that out.

Not gonna lie, I laughed that you laughed about the police considering Sarah's death XD

Random avatar
Ravena
Review
Ravena wrote a review Review · Oct 9, 2025

Hello, My Friend!

Wow, I am even slower reviewing than normal ToT Anyway, hi Rokita! It’s me, Raven, and I’m here to review the next chapter in this great story, using my full Familiar method! Let’s dive right in, shall we?

What The Black Eyes See
~ A full analysis and breakdown


Alright! Here things really kick off after a years-long timeskip. We see Rosalie visiting Marie's grave, meeting a mysterious veiled figure, then confiding in Elise over her grief—which seems to have subsided a little, but not enough for her to live free. Let's get into the details though.

Plot and Pacing: Awesome! This is a great length for an official "chapter 1" and the pacing is very nice. It's a little slow, but far from boring, and you have a good way of keeping dialogue dynamic. It feels like the dead space between what the characters are saying is filled by body language and expressions, anything to get the mood across and accentuate the words. That can be hard to pull off for a lot of writers!

Descriptions and Setting: LOVELY!! Your vivid details of the settings, down the flowers, the cleaned gravestone, and the firefly. Not only are the visuals they makes just gorgeous, but it feels like they have meaning.

Characterization: I love how you portray Rosalie's grief here, because it feels realistic. It feels like, at least from what we see here, she's past the worst of it, but it never really left. And does grief ever really leave? Likewise, I love the moment you gave for her and Elise, as it did really humanize him as RatHat mentioned, and it shows that Rosalie, even if she is unhappy, can still confide and find comfort in his presence.

Grammar and Wording: Overarchingly? Great! I found a couple of tiny things, which I dropped in the next section, but still incredibly written!

Where The Dagger Points
~ Some nitpicks and little recommendations


Not much to put here at all! Let’s break it down…

He rubs his back neck,


"His back neck" read as a little bit odd here. Maybe "back of his neck" would fit a little better?

Her nose started sniffling and rested her hand on the rabbit.


I feel like this sentence is missing a pronoun in the middle, e.g, "and she rested her hand on the rabbit[/i]."

That’s all! Great writing job ~

Why The Grin Widened
~ My reactions, theories, and favorite parts


Ooo, I have no theories just yet, but lets dive right into some highlights and reactions for this chapter!

Cool wind parts the overlapping posters of missing people glued on the market walls: young and old, pauper and noble, righteous and sinful. The streets are teeming with folks weeping along the paved path, others looking over their shoulders, while some live in their fantasy, away from the dire reality.


LOVE the atmosphere you build, even right from the beginning. The fluttering "missing people" posters feel so eerie, especially when paired with this image of so many people mourning openly. You can tell something horrible is happening in this town...

The young couple’s shoes crunch over orange and yellow leaves as the wind nips their faces. Rosalie holds a bouquet of fresh forget-me-nots in her hands with a basket dangling along her arm,


I LOVE the symbolism of the forget-me-not flowers! And the autumnal setting somehow feels so fitting and so charming here!

Unfortunately she was nowhere to be seen, as if she never existed from the very beginning. Nothing but the hallucinations of a budding mad woman. A hand touches her shoulder, snapping her out of a trance. She emits a small shriek and body jerks,

‘ANOTHER BODY FOUND UNDER BRIDGE, POSSIBLE KILLERS!’


I love the subtle horror of these moments. The phantom woman disappearing and startling Rosalie came as a shock, but not a threat. And to bring up the murderer on the loose through a glimpse at a newspaper, very nice!

His leg bounces and hand shifts to his gut, like an iron ball covered in sticky black tar weighing in the pit of his stomach. Rosalie sets the rabbit on his lap, its warmth loosening his tense nerves. Instinctively stroking its soft short coat, a soothing balm on his weary soul.


I love how here, despite their moments of conflict and Rosalie's grief, you can tell Rosalie really knows Elise well and does care for him, enough to read his nervous body language and soothe him with the rabbit. That was sweet!

A tender smile pulls his mouth and sighs, “I’d like to think so. The four of us riding on horseback along the shores, climbing to the mountaintops and shouting our hearts out without a care in the world,” he looks down at the small creature, “live our lives, not this ridiculous parody!”


The meaning of Elise's words here really keeps me thinking, and you can get a feeling for how much Marie, Lawrence, and all their friendships meant to him. As RatHat mentioned, just the fact that they're able to find comfort in eachother's company, and understand eachother's grief, is a very powerful emotional draw.

Our Mad Thoughts...


Sorry that took me so long to review! Overall, it's a great chapter! Nicely done! :D

Thus concludes my review. To leave off, here are some inspiring quotes, courtesy of your resident Poe freak ~

"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."

Hi Raven, it's Rokita! I want to say thank you for taking time out of your day to read and write a review for part 1 of chapter 1, thoughts and all :D. You don't need to apologize for the slow review, just take all the time you need.

I took your advice and spit the chapter into two, so readers are less likely to run for the hills at the monster size length. To be honest, I didn't realize the slow pacing until you mentioned it XD, but glad that it wasn't boring :D. It was more focused on setting the scene, atmosphere, and what fits at the time more than anything. Not to mention I thought Autumn would be a nice scene and adds to the mood.

For the forget-me-nots, it was almost called scorpion grass but wasn't sure if people would know that. So went with the safer option.

That's one of the reason why there's that three year time skip, even though she got past the worst of it, the grief still haunts her. The feeling/description of grief is based off of my own grief after my dad died, as it feels like it never goes away. I usually describe grief as being haunted by a ghost or compared it to be cursed. Not gonna lie, those parts got me pretty cut up. There will be more.

The moment with her and Elise was more of a breather from all the macabre situation, but also to show how much he's changed during those years. Originally he was suppose to be 100% jerk from beginning to end, but decided against it. So glad he didn't turn out like that. Not to mention having layers to their relationship.

I was afraid of using too many pronouns, but relieved to know that its not a problem. I'll fix those minor mistakes up.

Again, I'm happy you like part and hope you like part 2 of chapter 1 :)

Ravena replied · Oct 9, 2025

You're very welcome! It was a lovely chapter, and I can't wait to read Pt II! :D

User avatar
RatHat
Review
RatHat wrote a review Review · Oct 3, 2025

Stained Rose

~ A full analysis and breakdown

Overall Thoughts:
This piece is atmospheric, thoughtful, and emotionally grounded. The strength lies in how it balances grief with quiet, everyday details, the cleaning of a gravestone, the touch of a rabbit’s fur, the blink of fireflies. Nothing feels forced! instead, the writing allows the natural weight of the characters’ emotions and surroundings to carry the story. It’s slow, but purposely so, and the pacing matches the mood very much so.

Plot and Pacing

The pacing here is measured, and that works in favor of the tone. The encounter with the veiled woman builds a sense of mystery without relying on overt scares. The newspaper clipping widens the scope and adds an undercurrent of unease, while the porch scene narrows back into something intimate and human. If there’s one area that could be tightened, it would be the dialogue in the porch scene, some points are repeated more than needed, which slightly dulls the impact.

Descriptions and Setting

Your setting descriptions are vivid and effective. The cemetery is painted with striking sensory details: the scent of cloves, leaves rustling, and the unsettling presence of the woman in black. These details create a consistent mood of quiet dread and sorrow. The rabbit on Elise’s lap and the firefly near Rosalie were particularly strong touches, giving balance and warmth to an otherwise heavy scene. At times, the sentences run long, and inserting shorter ones for contrast could sharpen certain emotional beats.

Characterization

Rosalie comes across as someone still deeply tethered to grief. Her monologue at the grave felt heartfelt and honest, showing how her memories of Marie still define her. Elise feels equally layered, caring but weighed down by his own regrets. Their interactions on the porch were some of the best parts of the piece, because they felt like the conversations of two people with history, rather than just characters exchanging lines. The veiled woman was left mysterious, and not over-explained, which makes her presence all the more effective.

Where It Could Improve


The newspaper section works well, but it could feel more organic if broken up with Rosalie’s inner thoughts or reactions.

A couple of moments in the dialogue repeat ideas already clear to the reader; trimming those would give more to allow the reader to think more.

Highlights and Favorite Parts

The moment Rosalie looks up and realizes the veiled woman is gone was eerie in the best way, subtle and unsettling.

The rabbit detail was a smart choice; it humanized Elise and grounded the scene in something soft and real.

The firefly metaphor worked beautifully, offering a small image of hope and memory.

The closing scene, with Rosalie and Elise finding comfort in each other’s company despite their grief, was moving and tied the chapter together with a quiet sense of intimacy.

Hi RatHat! I just want to say thank you for your lovely and helpful review :)

I try not to make this chapter and story overtly detailed, otherwise the reader might get bored and bog down pacing. When it comes to descriptions (atmospheric, setting, mood, etcetera), I always worry if I put too much or force it in their detail into both parts of this chapter or the story in general. So I'm happy to hear that you like it. Usually I find the quiet and unsettling scares to be more effective than overt, but that's just me. Also I wasn't sure if the warmth would clash with the rest of the mood since I wanted this part to be a bit of a breather, a calm before the storm sort of speak.

As for the intimate scenes (or a scene?), I wanted to expand a bit on their relationship with. Even though you don't see Elise as much in the story, I still want to make him feel human. Later on, I'd like to expand on it via a flashback chapter.

You're criticism is very helpful and gave me some good ideas. Like the newspaper section been broken up more organically or shortening some sentences for certain emotional beats. I'll keep it in mind. Oh, if you have the time, could you point to me where the dialogue repeats ideas in the porch scene? I'd like to have a look at it and maybe find a way to cut that out.

Overall I'm very happy that you like part one and hope you feel the same about part two :D

Do you feel like the slower pace of the story helps convey emotion better, or are there any parts that you feel should have been shortened?

@Drift Boss Who do you think the veiled woman is or what does she represent in the story?

@EliseLemke Emotionally speaking, I do think a slower pace helps. I won't spoil who the veiled woman is, as its too early to reveal that until part 2. But I will say that she represents in some way grief or grief for a loved one.



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