(Something i wrote last August. Sort of prose/poetry observations. Enjoy)
it's county fair time
and at the end of every good fair
is a rodeo.
it's a blur of dust and flailing hooves
cheering and clapping
thundering beasts and twirling ropes
the smells of hamburgers and animals.
our flag flies, the sun sets,
we smack mosquitoes
waive at flies.
we laugh at the rodeo clown
gasp when the bull charges.
there is an energy and electricity to the air.
rodeos are not just fun and games.
it's a whole year
(lifetime, actually)
amount of work and practice
all of which depends on a matter of seconds.
rodeo isn't 'a',
it's 'the'.
the rodeo.
it's a following, a culture, a lifestyle, a people group.
so here's to those who ride
who race and tie and rope.
who breed and groom and train and practice
for hours, months, years... their lives.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey! ajruby here to review.
Okay, I'm going to avoid critiquing your style, as it's perfectly fine and i realize that people have varying styles. I only found one grammar mistake, "waive at flies." (pretty self-explanatory).
Just a few suggestions...
"we laugh at the rodeo clown
gasp when the bull charges." I would add a transition, like "and" or a comma.
"it's a whole year
(lifetime, actually)
amount of work and practice" I like this but it somehow feels awkward. Maybe reword?
I love the ending bit! And really, I think this is a good piece, just needs a couple tweaks here and there. But excellent job!
Keep on writing!
-ajruby (The Silver Lady)
Thank you.
I agree. Maybe: "(actually, lifetime) amount of work..."
would be better?
Also, thank you so much for being sensetive to my style. This is my first thing here and I was quite apprehensive to how it would be accepted.
Ha, yeah. But most people here are pretty nice about writing styles. I will often critique the style if it doesn't fit the poem or is exceptionally hard to read.
This not only described the rodeo, but it presented the feeling, the experience. To me the lack of capitol letters gives a carefree style that binds the gist of this all together. When getting to stuffy on correct capitols and such, you can forget what your main purpose is. Writing. And what you're writing about.
Loved it through and through and hope to see more!
~RagingLive (Tonight)
Thank you, RagingLive.
I enjoy your view on my lack of capitalization. That is exactly my view on this.
Glad you like this.
This poem described it perfectly! I couldn't find one thing you forgot about a rodeo (Not that I know very much about rodeos).
But I did notice a lack of capital letters. The very first thing you wrote you forgot to capitalize the 'I'.
I did enjoy this, especially the part about the hamburgers.
Bye for now!
~BookWolf
Thank you, BookWolf.
I mostly do not capitalize letters at all, i view this as my writing style.
But i'm glad you enjoyed this and rodeos.