I envy the poet,
For the poet can explain thoughts and emotions by comparing them to other things
Like the morning sun
And I am not a poet.
I envy the overworked mother,
For she can see her love and devotion influence her child as it grows
Like a sore gardener
And I am not an overworked mother.
I envy those who envy none,
For their lives must be pleasant if they desire nothing anyone else has
Like the richest of kings
And I am not one without envy.
I envy the dead
For their struggles are over and they hold the answer to the final question:
What happens when you die?
And I am not dead.
I envy those who feel like they have an opinion worth sharing about who or who not to envy,
For I do not feel confident enough to tell others what to feel and back it up with evidence
And I have no opinions worth sharing.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
I'm back to leave a hearty review, as promised.
I don't think that you really hit the mark with what you were trying to say. If you're saying that people shouldn't tell people what to like or dislike, I don't really see much within the poem that points to that, only the title, which really doesn't matter much in the scheme of things.
If you cut a few stanzas, I think this could be a nice meditation on envy, and envy not necessarily meaning you want to be the thing that you're envying.
For me, the weakest envies (breaking the poem up into five, as you have done) are the first and the last. They're wordy and don't really have much substance.
In the first one, you simply explain one facet of what a poet does. Also, I feel like the morning sun has not much to do with the words around it. And then you say you're not a poet while posting a poem in a poetry forum. Hmm.
The last envy is weak because it's wordy. You dump all of what your point is there at the end, and it makes the poem sag. Also, if you truly don't believe that your opinion isn't worth sharing, you wouldn't have posted this.
So my advice is to cut the first and the last stanzas, and think a little more about the concept of envy, rather than contradicting yourself and trying to keep up with the front page. :p
I also would like to talk to you about line breaks. A lot of your lines are quite long, which is nice sometimes, but I think your poem would benefit if you broke up some of those long lines a little bit. One easy way to decide where to put a line break is to read the poem out loud. When there is a natural pause in a long line, put a line break. Now, this doesn't really include techniques like enjambment, but it is one way to do it.
I really did enjoy the images that you included. Especially the one about the overworked mother. Nicely done.
I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy poeting!
Thanks!
And thus the saga continues.
Before we get into a critique on the poem itself, I quickly want to pick apart that first statement suggested which doesn't necessarily clash with the poem I'm sure those words inspired. What Morrigan suggested with her poem was that it's not a matter of comparing something to something else as that doesn't necessarily equate poetry. The poet attempts to transcend language with language. To put forward feelings that sometimes ought not to be discussed and they do so in a way that impacts the reader poignantly. I could say a basketball is like an orange but it doesn't make that statement poetic.
So you may envy the poet for that particular reason, but the poem that Morrigan put forward suggests on a deeper more intrinsic level that the poet isn't just about pretty aesthetics. The poet rips oneself apart for the sake of their art. Not a particular feeling one would want someone else to feel envious about especially when coming from someone who did so in writing said poem.
That having been said, this wasn't my reason for reviewing today so please forgive the digression. Lets take a look at this poem as a whole.
The main thing I noticed particularly about your work is that you write about envy and you write about how you are envious for not being these things and yet with two particular statements you are outright contradicting yourself and your work. For instance:
You wrote a poem. You posted this in the poetry forum. We are dissecting this as poetry which, in turn, makes you a poet.
And here's another note:
Here you state that you don't have the courage to state your own opinions and yet here we are, reading a poem where you're stating your own opinion. It's even in the title, and displayed quite bluntly.
Poetry is personal and hard to write because you have to tear yourself up and put it all back together to make something beautiful. You have to be willing to look at yourself, your mistakes, your flaws, your feelings, and be able to romanticize them. Make them beautiful. That's hard. It is one of the hardest things the poet has to do. If you are going to write poetry and narrate from your eyes, make it your voice.
So if you are a poet, don't tell me you're not. If you're stating your opinions, own them. This poem is a reflection of you. Poetry is a reflection of you. Don't hide behind humble sentiments.
You should know, I'm not the type of person who goes easy on people who I think have the opportunity to be good poets. You obviously came into this wanting to say something and you were impacted by the poetry of others which is so true to life and true to poetry. I think you have a lot of talent. Just don't hide behind false modesty. You're a poet, so own it.
~ Walker
Thanks for your review! I found it funny that often poetry is about explaining things by comparing them to other things in a variety of ways so I wanted to put that into my poem then make it funnier by making the next line a comparison.
Very impressive work, i enjoyed it a lot. I envy the poet too by the way even though i am one. I suppose its the fact that i envy the better poets... Anyway! Off topic haha. I agree with @Strange all the poems inside this one poem rub elbows with eachother. Its like a tye dyed ball of yarn, its all one poem or ball of yarn, but every color is a differernt inside the one poem as a whole. They all flow together to create this one masterpeice. Amazing!
Hi there!
I see that this was inspired by my poem~ I'll be back to review it later!
I do think that you missed the point of my poem, in that I'm not telling anyone what to do, but rather, giving reasons that poets should not be envied.
It's totally a self-centered emo poem with more images.
Feel free to do whatever you want because no one is telling you what to do! ^_^
I'll be back <3
Haha I actually wrote this poem after seeing the two poems on the front page but before reading them. I read your poem after and really liked it!
Well fun XD I envy none of those, so I guess I'm envied by you! *evil giggle*
Great, every poem is collectively rubbing elbows with each other. It is actually pretty entertaining.