One morning, in the central park of the city a young busker took his guitar out of it‘s case, sat down on a small stool and began playing. He played a couple of songs — some of the rock genre, some were pop songs. He played until midday and during that time he received some money from the crowd. As he began packing his guitar,when a young woman approached him.
“You, my friend, are full of talent!” She boosted to him.
“Thank you. That means a lot to me.” He replied.
“Yes, yes you are magnificent, but if you want to get more for your music, I suggest you leave out rock songs and only play pop songs."
“Why?” The busker replied with confusion.
“Well everybody — young or old, love pop! If you only play pop songs, you’ll get more money, I promise you”
“Wow, OK!” He replied with joy."
He returned to his tiny flat, near the central park. He found some notable pop songs and began to practice. He played the for hours until he got bored. The songs were about crazy love, some were plain and silly, he wasn’t so fond about them. After dinner, he played the again for an hour and finally went to sleep.
The next morning he woke up and went to the park to play his guitar. As he was playing the songs, some people were happy, but some just stood with bored faces. He played until midday again, but the people reacted just the same as the day before, so he didn’t get that boost of money he had been promised. As he began packing, a man with a small dog approached him.
“You are skillful with that guitar, son” He pointed out to the busker.
“Much apreciated!” The busker happily replied.
“Such a skillful kid like you should be playing something cooler. You should play some good old rock n roll” He suggested to the busker.
“Rock? Why rock?”
“Because it will pump everybody up! Everybody knows the best rock songs, play them and get you those penny's you work so hard for."
"It's worth a shot" The busker decided.
The busker once again returned home and began to practice the songs. After a couple of songs he did got pumped up, the next song he played was so loud and full of energy, that the neighbores started banging on the walls. He went out to apologize for the racket and when he returned back home, he soon went to bed. The following day he did preform the rock songs. Yet again some people enjoyed them, but the busker heard some despising the songs he played. The busker didn’t feel pumped up, maybe it was those bad memories he had the day before. Once again he didn’t get his boost in penny’s he so hoped for.
He returned home and started to look thru his things, perhaps he was seeking inspiration. Suddenly, he came across his grandpa’s old notebook. It had a lot of folk songs his grandpa used to play. He remembered those summer evenings at his grandpa’s house, the songs he played with so much love and passion and his hope that his grandson will be a skilled with the guitar as he was.
he busker looked thru the notebook and began to play. With every song he played, he wanted to continue on. The next morning he again took out his guitar and began playing. But this time he played his grandpa’s folk songs. As he played, the good memories every song of he played made him happier and energetic. People - young and old, stopped to listen. They also remembered those good old songs and were also pleased with the energetic and happy busker. After he finished a song, the people cheered. By midday, people gave him a lot of money. He decided to end his performance and shouted - ”no need for your penny’s for this one!”as he closed his performance with his grandpa’s and his most favorite song.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hi there,
This story is SO cute! It really brought a smile to my face and it had such an amazing vibe! I congratulate you on being able to communicate emotion so well - I struggle with that to this day.
There were times when this story felt a bit plain. For example,
"He returned to his tiny flat, near the central park. He found some notable pop songs and began to practice. He played the for hours until he got bored. The songs were about crazy love, some were plain and silly, he wasn’t so fond about them. After dinner, he played the again for an hour and finally went to sleep."
This kind of feels like a grocery list, so to speak. This, this and then this. You could use more describing words in general throughout the story to make it more interesting, and create more imagery.
You captured human feelings very well, however, and there are few flaws to correct other than that.
Keep it up!
Hello!
First of all, I love the positivity of this story! It was so sweet and cute!
I also love the plot and how it went in well with the theme!
However, the story itself was quite hard to follow. There were more than a few grammatical errors, and it just didn't flow right.
Some examples:
"One morning, in the central park of the city a young busker took his guitar out of it‘s case, sat down on a small stool and began playing. He played a couple of songs — some of the rock genre, some were pop songs. He played until midday and during that time he received some money from the crowd. As he began packing his guitar,when a young woman approached him."
I feel like this goes a little too fast, you know? Perhaps what you can do is spend more time developing imagery, like what the guitar looks like, where the man is playing, etc. You could also add some italicized song lyrics, just to show what kind of songs he's playing and be able to have the reader get a better feel for the man and his music.
"He returned to his tiny flat, near the central park. He found some notable pop songs and began to practice. He played the for hours until he got bored. The songs were about crazy love, some were plain and silly, he wasn’t so fond about them. After dinner, he played the again for an hour and finally went to sleep.
The next morning he woke up and went to the park to play his guitar. As he was playing the songs, some people were happy, but some just stood with bored faces. He played until midday again, but the people reacted just the same as the day before, so he didn’t get that boost of money he had been promised. As he began packing, a man with a small dog approached him."
Maybe you could leave out the part where the man goes out and practices after dinner. It's not that important and it doesn't make sense because that should be when he tried his "pop songs only" plan, not the next morning.
But, I could understand what was going on for the most part! Overall, a wonderful story. With a few technical tweaks in the story, it could be much more moving and amazing than it already is!
Keep writing, please!
This was very good and gave me a happy and warm feeling inside! The only things i would change are simple formatting errors.
For instance, you say that the woman boosted to the busker.
" She boosted to him."
Did you mean boasted? If so, easy fix.
You also start your last paragraph with,
"he busker looked thru the notebook and began to play."
Remember to add that T!
(I hate when I make accidental errors like that...)
Lastly, you said,
"looked thru the notebook and began to play."
Through is probably what you meant to say.
I really enjoyed reading this, it gave me that nice fuzzy feeling and has a sweet message. Overall great!
Hello, Violet here reviewing your story!
I enjoyed this story very much due to its message. You have to enjoy what you do, and your audiences' energy will reflect yours. This is very positive.
Thank you for understanding the idea behind my story!
Hey Rkm,
You can do away with a lot of words here. No need to mention he started in the morning because this is implied by time passing (“until midday”). Also the last sentence doesn’t work because neither clause can stand on its own as an independent sentence, so I removed the comma and the word “when”.
I’m not sure I understand this tag. Did you mean a word other than “boosted”? Honestly, the dialog is clear all on its own, you don’t need a tag anyway.
All of these tags aren’t needed because the dialog speaks for itself. I suggest to instead use body language to help guide the readers imagination, otherwise you will end up with the characters seeming stiff and lifeless. For example, he could react confused with his facial expressions, and this alone could serve as a much stronger tag alongside that “Why” line of dialog, instead of simply stating outright that he replied with confusion.
His eagerness to take this stranger’s advice made me think he was younger than I originally assumed, as in grade school, but then I started the next sentence and saw he lives in a flat so must be older than 18 ish. Somebody of that age probably wouldn’t be so convinced right off the bat, they might ponder the advice later but would they say “wow” and react like this?
Most people are familiar with dog breeds so I think you can state what kind of dog the man had. Idk I just love dogs haha, I wanted to know what kind the man had.
This is much more reasonable for him to say. I like this reaction better.
***
Overall comments:
There was something endearing about this story and the simplicity of it. The protag seems like a nice guy just trying to get by, what’s not to like about that.
I do wish that the ending felt a bit more rewarding. Usually in short stories, the ending links back to the beginning in some way, so that the story has a nice rounded effect where everything ties together. However, the solution to his problem was found in what felt like a random way. If the story had included something about grandpa near the beginning, such as him feeling sad about his grandpa’s passing, then the emotions later of him playing his grandpa’s songs and remembering the good times they shared, would have hit so much harder and made the story feel like it reached a natural climax. This would also make his decision to not take the stranger’s money more believable because we would understand that he had two issues all along, his sadness and his need for money, and he accidentally ended up fixing the issue he wasn’t trying to fix. That’s just a suggestion. The ending feels like the protag achieved a goal we weren’t aware of and sacrificed achieving the goal we thought the story was about, and there isn’t much understanding how we got from one to the other, and therefore the emotion fell a bit flat.
I also would have liked some kind of reference to what kind of singing voice the protag has. I feel like music is an interesting subject matter for a short story, so should have included more references to sound and the texture of his voice.
With all of that said, I did enjoy this story. It was warm and had a relatively peaceful conflict, which makes a nice change.
-Zoom
Thank you so much for your analysis of my story. To be honest, I rushed the writing of this story. I just wanted to write. And this is the result
. But again thank you for the review, it will help me grow.