Fireworks

by Rjjr_vectra
  • January 17, 2008
  • Poetry
  • Dramatic

The Moon hides
when it is clouded
by the smoke of dying fire and
the death of a new beginning.

Stars have heard our voices
and weep rain with us,
watering the corpses
with the cry of merciful gods.

The thump, thump
of beating hearts
moan away the deafening quiet.
Then somewhere, a rocket:
I smile when the red wings
of a phoenix pierce through
the suffocating vaccuum
of the night.

-----
A retake on the epic-feely style. I hope I don't suck this time?

Comments & reviews · 3
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GryphonFledgling
Review
GryphonFledgling wrote a review · Thu Jan 17, 2008 2:09 pm

Yes, I agree with Silly Sydestix up there. That was most definitely my favorite part.

I'm not much of a poetry critic, so I couldn't tell you with an informed opinion whether or not this "sucked", but with an uninformed one, I can say that I really liked this. I never thought of fireworks this way.

*applause*

~GryphonFledgling

Random avatar
Lady Sydney
Review
Lady Sydney wrote a review · Thu Jan 17, 2008 3:15 am

I loved it. ^_^ This was my favorite line:


I smile when the red wings
of a phoenix pierce through
the suffocating vaccuum
of the night.


That was fantastic description right there. Great work! :D

~*Syd*~



When I use caps I do not want you to read it like a little screech, I want you to read it like a 5,000 year old ogre with the strength of 10,000 men.
— avianwings47