don't mind me just going through all of your works
LOVE THE TITLE OF THIS CHAPTER, SO I JUST HAD TO CHECK IT OUT!!
Michael quietly stood on the balcony overlooking Christine City. There was a gentle breeze, cool to the touch, and the sky was beginning to darken with clouds.
Ooh, I would love to get a visual on the city! depending on how high up he is, we'd get to see different things. I wonder if there are people out and about, perhaps they look like dots? what about streetlamp and cars? other buildings?
There was a massive television built into the wall across from the bed, and there was a large walk-in closet.
Instead of saying "there was" 2x, you could say "a massive television was built..." to get rid of one of them, and I think it might be better to also replace the second one with a different phrase! other verbs tend to be stronger than "there was" c:
Michael moved to one of the side tables and delicately lifted a porcelain tea cup to his lips, drinking his now luke-warm tea with grace.
TEA.
I love the constant mentions of rain, it fits with your chapter title! ^_^
It had been a promise of sorts-- that one day the rain would come back. And it had.
ahh, so many references to rain, and this myserteous line - nice job with building suspense, I am very curious as to what all of this rain talk is about! :O
Overall, 3082 had been a rough year
WOAH OMG 3082
soft, smooth, and ideal for a young king
omg he's a king!!!
I love the description you give of Michael - I already have an awesome visual of him! And the little things, like fixing his tie, also contribute to the colorfulness of the story c: I also like how overall, the descriptions sneakily introduce information - especially with the part with the artifacts. I learnt a but about some of his family, and there's a Bible, so maybe the narrator is religious?
Alexia nodded. "Good; this is your first diplomatic mission abroad without your parents by your side. Don't screw it up."
Haha xD I was not expecting her to say it like that! Alexia sounds like a cool aunt haha :p
Asterin Fayeward sat across the table from Michael, a cold frown neatly tucked across her faced.[/quoye]
Ooh, I love your verb choice here! "neatly tucked" is a nice and unique way to phrase it <3Nicknamed "Her Paleness"Her curled platinum locks drooped, an her blood-red lipstick made her look like a vampire after a meal.
omg xDDD these two parts made me laugh! I love these descriptions - humourous, and quite insightful c:
[quote]"Airports Forced to Close; Rebels Successfully Storm Palace; Coup in Procession-- Live Updates"
Omg what in the world???
I do think that the ending came a bit suddenly xD perhaps you could have a little more conversation / description / background information / exposition before? I love the former part of this chapter's pace; I do think that the second part could be slowed down a bit so it doesn't seem like that coup comes completely out of nowhere.
I did really enjoy how that came out of nowhere!! I most definitely did not think that was what the notification was going to be about xD and ahh, I wonder what the rebels are up to and what was the purpose of their coup! First chapter, and you've already established a conflict, which is making me very invested haha
Can't wait to read what comes next! c: much love to you <3333
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