Stories by River Shields
Looking out the window of the car
Hundreds of cars speeding around like insects running from a predator
Each car filled with one, two, three, maybe four people
Each car filled with so many stories, most will never be heard
My own story locked away within an iron chest sitting in the bottom of an ocean
The fish of other people's stories swimming around frantically not noticing the chest
Looking out of the window of the car
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Canary word: Present
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The hard part of a short poem like this is that you have to make that impact fast, which luckily you did. I really like the idea behind this, and the overall flow and everything made it a fascinating poem. There were some places that needed a bit more punctuation, but overall this was really cool.
Hello there, Rivercool99! I'm Firearris (Or Heather, whichever you prefer!), and I'll be your reviewer today!
I have to say I liked this poem. It's short but it kind of gets it's meaning out, if that makes sense to you? You don't have to have it in poetry, but I think it would have been nice to have punctuation?
Keep it up.
~Heather
Hi,
This is a really lovely piece. I love the idea behind it. I especially enjoyed;
"My own story locked away within an iron chest sitting in the bottom of an ocean".
I'd change "running" to something like "fleeing", something more urgent and dramatic.
I think it would be interesting to try and expand on this; maybe a stanza or two for the cars, a stanza or two for the chest in the ocean.
Hope this helps,
Jas