Hey Mr.!
Thinking of you as a memory seems quite surprising! Because when you were here, my lips always parted to say, "I hate you!" This is not going to be an epic romantic story but an untold side of my perspective of you!
You always felt surreal to me. I saw you as an error in a sentence waiting to be erased in a go, but I never expected it to become the theme of a whole book!
There were three times in the past two years when I confessed something silly to you, but you never asked. As always, you reacted to it without replying. The best part is, I loved it.
My eyes gleamed every time I felt your presence, and my heart thudded whenever I talked to you. I did, but it ended only with "I hate you!" You guessed what I really meant because you never cared about me. You saw me as an ordinary one, stuck within your boundaries, just like me.
I believed you were someone special, but the Lord proved me wrong by showing that you are also a passing cloud. Your tagline, "All the Best," has become mine, and I wish I had never adopted it.
You have gone to a place where I can't search for you with my heart, but the yearning to do so hits hard. I never liked following someone's footsteps, but eventually, I pushed myself to search for your imprints, if anything lasts.
You left me with happiness that can't be celebrated alone. As time grows, your voice becomes lighter, your picture becomes fainter, your smile becomes weaker in my mind, but the messages you left for me become clearer.
You didn't take a part of me; instead, you added a piece that never fits into my life.
I do remember the first day we met as strangers waiting to jump into a professional bond that would last for four years. But now, looking back, the last day we met was one in which I was secretly hoping for the next moment when we would talk about anything that seemed like an eligible topic to chat about.
For the first time ever, I told Bye very sweetly, and the Lord made it the last. If I had known about it before, I swear I would have never made that move, at least not before I was ready for the farewell.
You brought happiness and enthusiasm, and I gracefully accepted all those things. The time I spared for you is lucky enough to have you forever in its own timeline.
Once again, I never expected the final goodbye to be written through words written through ink, but I expected it to be overfilled with something that could be explained only through the soul.
Life has provided me with so many surprises, and the only one I wish had never been among them was you.
Finally, you spoiled me with love that I never wanted and sadness that I never deserved.
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142,048 Literary Works • 676,464 Reviews
Hello, I'm going through old green room works and came across this one
The language is very nice and flowery here, and I appreciate the emotion behind this piece, but it is hindered by some tangled sentences and broken logic. The idea of a narrator who says “I hate you” as a cover for love is nice, and the idea that now she has to say goodbye to someone who never asked what she meant is heartbreaking. However, it is at its best when it gets specific, and it needs more of that!
I would be hesitant to use so many exclamation marks here. It makes the sentences feel a little bit childish. I also don't think you need to outline that this isn't an epic romance but an untold perspective; this should come across in the writing itself.
The bit I have put in bold does not make grammatical sense. I think what you mean is 'in one go' but I think just 'waiting to be erased' makes sense on its own. Also, how does being an error in a sentence make him feel surreal? I'd love you to go into more detail here, as it's setting up an expectation that doesn't quite live up to the promise. Again, I wouldn't use an exclamation mark.
You say 'but you never asked' -- asked what? The preceding sentence is about her confessing to him, are you saying he didn't ask for those confessions? And how did he react without replying?
Hmm maybe you could have built up a bit more about why you thought he was special?
I'd say ''fit' rather than 'fits' but I like the sentiment here!
Perhaps go into detail about the day you met?
If he never cared, how did he guess? If the point is that he understood you without trying, say that. Some of the sentences are quite hard to untangle.
This, again, is hard to parse. Who is stuck, and in whose boundaries? He saw you as an ordinary one just like yourself?
It’s ambiguous whether the man you are talking about died, moved away, or left your life. I think that could work if it was written more strongly. The “place where I can’t search for you with my heart” suggests death, while “four years of professional bond” suggests a mentor, teacher, or maybe a colleague. Choosing one reading, or using an ambiguity that feels deliberate, would help the piece feel more concrete in my opinion.
The 'untold side' and 'book' framing never really go anywhere since you never tell us anything whole or concrete. It sets up expectations the piece doesn’t develop. Either lean into the meta-framing or trim it out. You could give more realistic details, whether this man treated you wrong etc, or keep it ambiguous and trim those lines. They sound good, but they don't add anything.
Wow, thank you for such a thoughtful review! 🥹 You clearly read it closely, and your points will really help me improve.
Hello! 🫂
I really enjoyed reading this short story. There’s something about the way you wrote the goodbye that makes it feel incredibly personal and bittersweet. I especially loved how the narrator begins with “I hate you!” but gradually reveals that those words were hiding something much deeper. That contrast made the emotions feel very real.
My favorite parts were the lines about his voice becoming lighter, his picture becoming fainter, and his messages becoming clearer. I thought that was such a beautiful way of showing how memories change with time. I also really liked “You didn't take a part of me; instead, you added a piece that never fits into my life.” That line stayed with me because it captures such a complicated kind of loss.
The story also reminded me a little of someone I once had feelings for, so some parts hit surprisingly close to home. 🥲
My small suggestions are the flow of a few sentences. Some are quite long and contain several ideas at once, so breaking them into shorter sentences could make certain emotional moments hit even harder. You could also add a little more dialogue or a specific scene from their final meeting, which might make the story even more vivid.
Overall, this was a very emotional piece about memories, unspoken feelings, and having to say goodbye before you're ready. You created a strong sense of nostalgia throughout it. Keep writing—you have a lovely way of turning personal emotions into something readers can connect with. Again it is really like my past
"Thank you so much! 🥹 I'm really glad the theme landed with you. Your comment made my day!"
Your welcome rithika.and again i like your name it remind me of someone i know