Published March 8, 2011
Take me to sanctuary,
Where my peaceful soul lies,
No more heavy burdens--
Or trouble filled eyes.
This heaven that I long for,
Is it but a dream?
It does not seem as real,
As the others make it seem.
My heart begins to follow,
But my mind stays behind,
For I fear it is not sanctuary,
That I will truly find.
My journey still continues,
My answer still unknown,
Searching for this sanctuary,
That I can call my own.
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140,859 Literary Works • 673,695 Reviews
Wow. I read this poem and I loved it! There are a few parts that can be fixed up but you did a pretty good job. I love it!
Okay, so i like your flow and rhythm and I think it is not far from being an Excellent poem. Although, I think that parts of it, talking about other people's heaven, is a little cliche. I think it would be better if you made it more your own. Mention the fears more of not being able to find your personal heaven. I think that would make it more personal and more emotional. If you need any help with revisions let me know through a PM. I do like this, it is close to being excellent.
Tommybear
Great poem, in general I agree with what others have said. it's very calming and easy to the eye. Great work!
I liked your poem but some poetic descriptions of the sanctuary and your heart might serve it well. Somehow try to make the poem more than the sum of its parts. Pretty good rhyming going on, and it flows with the poem's tone. Keep writing and good luck finding your elusive sanctuary.
I'm never going to be able to compete, you seem to be churning out good poems every other day. Give me a moment *nitpick scanner on....* Nope, nothing all I can find is more reasons why I loved it the most prominent being this one:
Another really good piece,
Keep Writing (and flood the dramatic poetry section
Aww! I really like this!
The only thing I can really say is that the dash on the third line shouldn't be there, just a comma. But this poem is easy on the eyes, easy on the ear, and bittersweet in the heart. It expresses a simple, basic longing, in simple, sweet words.
Yay!
Mrs.E.D.