Quite an unexpected theme, Ringo. I really did believe for a long time that there was nothing sinister about the speaker's wish for their love interest to sing to them. Then through some rather gruesome imagery and word choice I realised that it had an eerie, creepy twist! I enjoyed that aspect of it, so well done.
Sometimes you make bad and boring word choice, this especially:
Please dish out all you have.
Read that over again. 'Dish' made me think of food, not music. I was like, what? Sometimes I think you also neglect your punctuation choices as well. There's too many short sentences for them to be effective. Really. I mean it. Hehe. Get my drift?
This repetition seems a bit unnecessary:
Never give up, just don’t let go
'Never give up' Would be more hard hitting. I think, anyways. Also, if the sentence doesn't start after a full stop, don't feel the need to capitalise. It disturbs the flow.
Apart from this, I felt that it was nice and dark and had a good twist.
Keep writing!
Eimear
Points: 1075
Reviews: 344
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