Young Writers Society

I edited it. I don't know what joojed means, but I left out the last line. I never was completely happy with it. But I do want people to know the guys name at the end. Anyway, next bit.
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A dreary grey apartment complex lay situated amongst an endless sea of similar buildings. Similar but not the same. This particular apartment complex housed, along with many others, a lonely middle-aged man named Tobias Drake.

Tobias' apartment would have, in comparison to the exterior of the buliding, frusterated the logical eye. It was the epitamy of modern decoration. There was such an abundance of curves, glass, and steel that you would have thought it to be from fifty years in the future. Egg-chairs, vinyl furniture, lights in the floor, lamps with a dozen seperate heads and bulbs, all these things were placed around the apartment implying that they were built just for that spot.

Tobias sat with his head in his hands having a very quiet conversation with seemingly no one.

'I don't know what to do. I'm lost.'

Baby Joshua gurgled and giggled.

'I mean, why me? Why do I have to be the one to find you? There's billions of people in the world.' Tobias wiped a tear from his cheek. 'God, why me. First it was the plane crash, then the cucumber, now this. I can't sleep, I can't eat, how am I supposed to take care of a kid? I mean, no offense Josh."

Tobias picked up Joshua and held him up in front of him. He had loosened the blanket off and wrapped it around him more loosely and gently. Joshua threw up in Tobias' face.

'Oh that's lovely.'

Tobias carried the baby over to the kitchen sink and washed both of their faces off. He then put Joshua down in an egg-chair and went to the telephone. He dialed several numbers without looking and put the reciever to his ear. He looked nervously around the room and twisted the cord as the phone rang on the other end.

'Hello?' Came the recipient of the call.
'Hey, Marco. It's me.'
'You sound agitated, Tobias. What's the matter?'
'It happened again last night.'
'Aw, shit. What this time?'
'This time it was a tornado. I've got this kid.'
'This what?'
'A baby, Marco.'
'Aw, shit-...'
'I don't know what to do!' Tobias cut in quickly.
'Listen Tobias, you know I have no answers. I don't even know whats going on really. I'll tell you the same thing I told you three weeks ago when you called all hysterical saying a plane crashed right in front of your car, and that is: You need to get some rest, and maybe call your doctor. It's all just a coincedence, there is a reasonable explanation for it all.'

Tobias rolled his eyes. 'What about the cucumber?'
'Oh no, not this again, Tobias, come on.'
'Explain to me how I could be walking in the subway, see a woman get mugged, and as she falls a cucumber flies out of her bag and lands on the track next to her, all the while the 7:15 from Westhavenbrook is speeding towards her, and you know what stops the train? Not the brakes Marco-'
'We've been over this, I know-.'
'-Not the brakes Marco, the cucumber!' Tobias lost it here and dropped the phone. He did not hear Marco say that he was on his way over.

Ah, yeah, get what you're saying. Can't wait for the next chapter!

I see what you mean about the dark stormy night cliche. What I'm really trying to stress is the fact that there is a tornado going on, and inside the nursery its tranquli and quiet. It's quite a nasty storm.
Also, I can't use italics for some reason, believe me, I'd love to. It just doesn't work for me. Nor do smilies. I;ve tried everything, dont worry.

Other than that I am appreciating your input. More is to come. Next chapter will be more about the nature of Tobias and why/how he's witnesing miracles.

Okay, this story is very good, but this is a horrifying intro:

'The horizon had dimmed and taken on a shade of grey so terribly threatening that one would feel the very sky was at war with the earth. The wind howled and crashed into buildings, whipping rain and debris in every direction. The frigid air stole the breath and chilled the bone. Mother Nature was angry.'

It's very clichèd. I'm pretty sure you've heard those 'It was a dark and stormy' night stories, right? They're definitely not like this story, so I don't know why you'd really want your introduction to imply that.

It's not that horrible, it's just the 'Mother Nature was angry' line that really makes your writing sound...er...floppy, I guess. So, at the very least, get rid of that line. You don't need to recap stuff that we could gather from the past paragraph.

'The cars that WERE in the driveway were now strewn randomly across the country farmland.'

This is a cool line, but it's just a technical nitpick: for more formal English, you'll want to use italics instead of capital letters. It makes you look a lot less amateur-ish.

'The man picked up the baby and cooed to him pleasant things. '

Pleasant...things...please elaborate! Pretend I'm stupid and I don't know what pleasant is. I need at least two examples of what pleasant cooing is.

'His name was Tobias Drake and he liked to watch miracles happen.'

If you ask me, I think he's part of miracles. That's a cool line, but it needs to be joojed a bit.

I thought this story was pretty cool, and I liked the way you narrated. (I'm horrible at third person, so I admire anyone who can pull it off). Nice job!