Hey Riley!
Hope you're having a great afternoon! I love the idea behind your poem - it's super awesome! I don't know much about poetry, but I had a suggestion, maybe you could make all of the lines 8 syllables just to make it more smooth. Here's what I would do:
On and off for so many years
it's sad to say you brought me tears
i wished that we could ever last,
but now i'm kidding - now i'm fine
Now I don't wish that you were mine.
Moving on with someone that's new
They're definitely better too
Our chances together were slim
And on top of that, I've got him.
(I also agree that the lemonade part doesn't make very much sense). The feelings are really great and I really love this poem! Keep writing!
~Sivershade797
Points: 542
Reviews: 11
Donate