I am, amongst many things, a poet.
I write poetry for love
for loss
for laughter
for fun
and for... whatever.
Well this time is different.
This time
This time I'm writing for me.
I know I'm melodramatic
and as I feel my heart ache
others look in contempt
as though I am a liar
a faker
an "attention-seeker"
Well,
I have lied
and I have faked
and I have sought attention.
But nonetheless
I still feel this pain in my soul
and I know
somewhere within the depths
of my subconscious
that the only person
who can fix this pain
this agony
this self-degradation
and lack of self-value
...
is me.
So I plan to do it.
I am a son.
I am his son.
And though years have gone by
since he acknowledged it
I know he loves me.
I just know it.
I won't go into how I know
or why I know
I just do.
And as I say this,
I can't help but think
of all the times I've buried my head
into the soft hold
of someone close to me
and cried and cried
and asked why he didn't care
why he wanted me gone
why he hated me.
And it makes me hate myself
... more anyway...
Because I know if he had heard
if
if he had heard what I said.
that he didn't care
wanted me gone
HATED me
well,
he would hate himself
and he would cry.
And for so long
I told myself I hated him
I couldn't bear his existence
I know
I couldn't live without him
Not now.
Because I need to know
even if it isn't obvious
I need to know he's there
and that he loves me
just as much as I love him
or else all those things he's said
that I'm a disappointment
a disaster
a...
a failure...
they would all be true.
But they're not
even as I say it, I don't believe it
So I find myself repeating it like a mantra
I'm not
I'm not
I'm not
I'm not
I'm not a disappointment
I'm not a disaster
I am NOT a failure
I am a poet
And this one's for me.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,855 Reviews
I really liked this piece, I've read slam poetry before and listened to people at different slam poetry contests so I know that slam poetry is all about emotion and telling your story in words. So I'm not going to giive you a review I'm just going to tell you what I thought of this piece:
#0000BF ">I liked this part because it told of what the plan was for this poem and it was something unique and different to me.
#0000FF ">I liked this section a lot it was my favorite and gave me a lot of insight into the narrarator
The rest of the poem I also enjoyed and it told a very good story, the part about having a father that hates you and doesn't care if you know that they hate you was really well written and flowed nicely!
Thanks for posting!
Peace,
Snickerdooly
Hellooo! Pup here to Bamboozle you. ;3 (I do hope that turns out to be a good thing.... *sweatdrop*
There should be a comma after "Well".
I think this would be better if you put a hyphen after the first "This time", because it's not the same phrase as the next line..... that came out clunky.
I think you may have meant to put a period at the end of this line.
It doesn't make sense to me for this line to even be there. You don't need it, you can just go on to the line after that, no problem.
There should be a comma after "more", I think.
The extra "if" here seems redundant.
Aaand I love this. It expresses the longing for a father's love so perfectly.
And sometimes, it's ok to be selfish. In fact, I don't think writing for yourself is selfish at all.
Hi,
I really enjoyed this. The tone was excellent, it flowed very well, it had great power and energy behind it. The language used really complimented the style. I especially loved "So I find myself repeating it like a mantra" and the last two lines.
I'd isolate the first line. It's not a big thing. I just think it would be nice to emphasize a pause around it. I'd put a comma or an ellipsis after "This time", and I'd change "feel my heart ache" as it didn't have the same character as the rest of the piece. Can your speaker feel something fresher? Same for "pain in my soul". What does the speaker actually, physically, feel? "Couldn't bare" should be "couldn't bear."
A very enjoyable read. It had great character. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Hope this helps. Feel free to p.m me if you have any questions.
Jas