Perfect girl

Thank you for sharing this poem in admiration of someone which you consider very special in your life. I can certainly appreciate the depth and intensity of the feeling expressed since I have felt the same way. Naturally if such admiration and dedication is reciprocated then it is really a beautiful thing to experience.

The first thing I noticed about the composition is that it isn't written in the traditional stanza style. Instead it is written in the prose poetry style. The prose poetry style with its intensive use of metaphor and simile, verbal irony, personification and other such poetic devices can maintain the poetry status in that way. However, if the composition lacks these, then casting it in the prose poetry style will only serve to distance it from the poetry genre. Because of this, I would format this composition into stanzas.

Let me give you an example.

You are the perfect girl for me,
just take my hand follow my lead,
because I'll open up your world
it will no longer be black and white,
will fill it with color [for my] perfect girl.

Hi RikuTalfon!

It's so sweet that you wanted to write a poem for your girlfriend. I can definitely feel your emotions coming through for your girlfriend in this poem, and she's definitely lucky to have someone so supportive of her in her life.

I obviously can't critique the feelings you have for a real person (why would I even?) but I do have some suggestions that might help make your poem even more impactful! In my experience, writing is always more meaningful when it's specific. A lot of the language in this poem is very lovely and heartfelt, but it can at times be a little broad. There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but I wonder if there are specific things about your girlfriend that you find perfect? Qualities of her personality, maybe, or things you've done or places you've gone together that were particularly special for both of you?

It's one thing to tell someone that they are perfect, it's another thing entirely to explain to them why.

Regardless, giving your significant other a special gift from your heart (especially something "homemade" like this) is always a wonderful thing. She's going to love it!

Keep writing, and thanks so much for sharing!

--Lauren

That is the sweetest thing to write a poem for your girlfriend!! Like that's goals I need a partner to do that for me! Your poem is so sweet and meaningful. It will mean so much to her. Although I do feel like there should be more rhythm like a pattern with the rhyming. You can keep everything you wrote but it would sound better if you had it in a pattern like every other line rhyming, a repetition line, etc. Here is an example of your poem but I changed it to have more of a pattern:

You are the perfect girl for me. (rhyme 1)
just take my hand follow my lead. (rhyme 1)
because I'll open up your world it will no longer be bleak. (rhyme 2)
i want you to live in a colorful reality. (rhyme 2)

your a perfect girl you deserve a perfect world. (repetition line)

I'll show you the way. (rhyme 1)
when I grab your hand just know that I'll stay each and everyday. (rhyme 1)
Listen to my heart it's your favorite song and it will keep beating on for you. (rhyme 2)
perfect girl you make my life perfect no matter what i'm going through. (rhyme 2)

your a perfect girl you deserve a perfect world. (repetition line)

me and you that's all we need to be happy just remember when you stumble I'll be there. (rhyme 1)
with my hand to help you stand because perfect girl i care. (rhyme 1)
i want to help you see what I see. (rhyme 2)
it's the happy ending that you have always wanted and need. (rhyme 2)

just remember perfect girl, that your always perfect in my eyes, heart, and soul. (ending line)

You can ignore my changes to the poem. I only changed it to show that you could possibly change the set up of your poem. The pattern I changed it to above would be so that the first line would rhyme with the second line and the third line would rhyme with the fourth line. Then it was separated by a repetition line then finally an ending line. It could be in any set up you would like you instead could have the first line rhyme with the third and the second line rhyme with the forth. It just depends on what fits better in your opinion. Keep on keeping on with your writing. It is so heart warming that you want to write a poem for your girlfriend. As long as your poem is meaningful it shouldn't even matter if it is good or not she will love it for the meaning and the effort you put into writing it. Please know that I simply want to give constructive criticism and that doesn't change the fact your writing is great. If you changed it you can always tag me and I would love to read it. But please, please tell me what her reaction is when you gave it to her. I know she will love it.