Published September 27, 2007
Don't take this too seriously.
On my yacht
with all its bulk
I find a spot
To weep and sulk
I am mad and morbid
and unrewarded
Not the first to be sad
But the most important
And look
at me
o
mg
I know
how
to use
the enter key
blood blood blood
fright fright fright
death death death
night night night
I text all the time
I'm not materialistic
And I don't rhyme
Because I'm artistic
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,465 Literary Works • 674,483 Reviews
Hahaha.
I'm not sure whether to shout at you because it was horrible, or praise you because it was hilarious. I think it was good, and funny, but there is a lot more you could do to up the hilarity. For one, it isn't a smooth read, and could use the addition of punctuation. Even poems mean to mock should be well written, it's like a paradox. If it's a bad written poem, that is well written, it's almost...a good poem? I can't explain that.
You don't really focus on one thing either, you just kind of ramble around it, it has no clear "plot" so to speak. It's not something important because it is a "silly" poem, but at the same time it is. Like I said, show how good you are at writing poetry, while being very bad. The last thing is that it is cliché. Now: yes, it is surely meant to be cliché, because that is where the humor lies, but I believe you can still make us laugh over the cliché poems, without yourself being cliché. You understand? Like bathing in razorblades. I said that to a friend once. It's just so... illogical, it can't actually occur, it's like something you would see in Saw but I [sarcastically] proposed to do it. It's not cliché, but it still fits the bill, so to speak.
I think it's brilliant, but that it could be so much more. Hahaha.