Published August 13, 2011
Saw you two fighting out there
I saw you two collide
And all I thought to myself was
Why did you guys fight
It all seemed so perfect
Yet it all turned out like this
What happened to the memories
What happened to those days
Your troubles are starting again
But this time they won't fade
This might last forever
But who am I to say
This is all up to you guys
So give it or rust away
Away-y-y ohohoh....
Everybody look around you
I used to say
Then they would see two people
Asking for their way
I would ask them to listen
To this sad song
But I really don't know why-y-y
Am I doing this
Am I doing this
Your troubles are starting again
But this time they won't fade...
Oh oh
Ooooooh
Ooooooohhh X2
(Instrumental for another 10 seconds?)
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138,317 Literary Works • 672,102 Reviews
I didn't want the breaking of the lines until I noticed that it was a song. Your words aren't deep enough but I would love to hear it. Prompt me if you want me to hear the song. Sorry for I am not really good at reviewing (I just have to..) LOL.
Hellooo RieOngaku!
Me here to review this piece for you! (obviously XD) Okay so I want to start off with saying that this is a good write, but it is a bit confusing at some parts like the two reviewers above me already said.
The parts that got me confused:
I suggest you change these parts a little. =)
You have a very nice rhyme in this, so congratulations on that! I couldn't find any grammar mistakes either. This is overall a good piece and I like it.
Keep writing! Hope this review helped a little.
-qaralynn-
Hey there!
First off I'm gonna say that I really liked this piece. It flowed well with some good descriptions and I could understand for the most part what was going on throughout the whole thing. There were only a few parts that I didn't really understand in this song. Just like the other reviewer, I don't really know what's going on in these lines...
Also, I don't really like this small part either...
I don't know if it's just me, but I don't see the connection between these lines and the rest of the song. You're mostly talking about two friends fighting, then this just pops up where you literally say you don't know why you're even writing this song? Maybe you're trying to make a difference in these two peoples' lives by writing it? I don't really know. I guess if I was listening to a song that had a few lines that were talking about how you don't know why you're writing it, it would just throw me off.
Besides that, I really liked you're song. It's got a good topic and flows nicely through the whole thing. I hope this review helped!
Keep writing
Dee
Hi there!
This was a good piece and I enjoyed reading it! It flows well. There aren't any spelling or grammer mistakes I can find. There was really only one place in this that I was confused about:
Like I said, this is a little confusing to me. I really don't understand what you're trying to say here.
Keep writing!