I am Ricky. in a band R5 i have a friend harry star.we play two truths and a ley.
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Hey Ricky! Rae wanted me to review this so I will.
I'm not sure what you're exactly going for here. The title is a little odd first of all.
Should be "The Story of Nothing that Doesn't Make Sense." What were you trying to say in this title? Was that your purpose, to not make sense?
Titles are very important too, not just the piece! They help partially define our work ^^
Okay. Well, what was your purpose of saying this? Were you going to continue talking about yourself? It's a little cliche of an opening. Perhaps "I am the boy with raven hair..." or whatever your hair color is. lol, that's for a poem really, but it's a more intriguing opening.
GAHHH grammar nazi is being unleashed. This lacks a lot of punctuation and create capitalization. I know you're pretty young, so I won't be too harsh on that. But just, you know, pay attention to what I'm about to say ^^
"I am Ricky. In the band, R5, I have a friend whose name is Harry Star. We play two truths and a ley." Wait, what does that last sentence mean? O_o I'm confused there.
Also, I'm not sure what your purpose of this story is. To entertain us? To tell us about yourself? I dun really understand most of this 3 sentence story except your name and R5. Those things should be linked at least.
It just feels like a jumble of ideas poorly delivered and poorly constructed. Lol, my first story, at age seven, needed a lot of work. But it was a good start, just like this.
You have the ideas, now you need to expand on it. Use description, and definitely more sentences. This wasn't really a story, but more like an idea or a plan of some sort.
Keep up the good work, Ricky! Raven is a great writer and I know she'll help you
~Thewriter13
Hello, darling little brother of mine. I, Raven, your awesome sister and I'm here to review! I understand this is your first work on here, so I shall be very happy for the first few lines of this! OH MY GOSH, YOU PUBLISHED YOUR FIRST STORY! This is a really big mile stone for you! As I understand, the next huge mile stone is getting a review... So here I am.
I guessed at first, you wouldn't want me to review this. However, after you published this... you pleaded me to review.
I am... sort of against the way the story began. Yes, that's a really good way to introduce the character's name into the story, but it's also a very common and lazy way to do it. Perhaps, at some dialogue to the story about Harry talking to Ricky and saying, "Hey! Ricky, let's go play a game!" Or something along the lines of that.
(Oh! Education time! Dialogue is when people in a story talk to each other! Now, there is something called monologue, when someone talks to themselves or the audience.)
I keep going on and on about this, however, I shal talk about it again. When you start a sentence, it has to be capitalized. This might be odd, and look weird to you, but it needs to be capitalized. It just makes that easier to read and understand! You want people to understand your story, right... right?! *laughs and tickles*
Moving on to the later part of this. Perhaps, "I am in a band called R5." Otherwise it might be a wee bit hard to understand. (Or, are you not in a band called R5?
"I am in a band called R5." is a complete thought. So, "i have a friend harry star." makes it the sentence a run-on. Or, do you mean, " In a band named R5 I have a friend who is called Harry Star." This is why capitalization is important, it is also why commas and periods are good! (Also, if you are referring to a person, the first letters of the name needs to be uppercased.)
Don't forget to make the first letter uppercased...
Well! I love what you have so far and I hope you keep on writing more! If you keep on practicing every so often, you'll get better! I am sorry if this seems a little harsh to you, I'm trying to help you improve! If you need any help understanding any of this... contact me.
Love your sister,
~Rae,