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The Ott(er) Friend

by RhymortusWaever


A slippery friend, dashing around,
His giggle so loud, water encomposing all around.
Sweet little cries, playing a game of mice,
Delighted smile, blindly follow the joyous friend,
Flipping here, leaping there, through the air.

Once to look, not to be found,
But when the chase does come to end,
Brushing water replaced by fur fair,
As he closes in to rest with me contend,
In midst of the water's harmony he lies.


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53 Reviews

Points: 1305
Reviews: 53

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Stickied -- Tue Feb 20, 2024 7:47 pm
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VioletFantasy wrote a review...



Hello RhymortusWaever and welcome to YWS! Violet here to give you a quick review :) First off, I just want to say that I love the title. It clues the reader in to the subject matter without you having to say what it is about overtly in the poem. Those are my personal favorite type of titles for poems. I also really appreciated all of the colorful imagery, I feel like I can see the otters in front of me in the water.

I think that this is a good first draft, and I believe adding a couple more stanzas, adding on to the beautiful imagery that you already have going, could really make this poem sing. Concrete details using even more of the five senses could add a lot. Thank you for writing such a sweet poem, I hope this helps!
~Violet <3



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RhymortusWaever says...


Hi Violet! I'm really glad you've enjoyed it, this poem was mostly just for getting a smile out of a friend of mine, I just planned to make something with a nice atmopshere. I normally write my poems like they are a coin with a good and bad side so this was quite a change of pace for myself and really fun! I don't know if I'll keep improving this one or try writing another, but I'm sure if fate allows I'll manage to finish this one day.
Either way thank you again for your nice words and I'll keep your suggestions in mind!
~Rhymortus Weaver



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12 Reviews

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Sat Mar 30, 2024 5:42 am
Tambo wrote a review...



Hi, here to write a review! 🙃

This was some very good writing.
I almost cried at the end. I loved how in such a short piece of writing you made the reader feel warm and happy, then after taking a dark turn making us grief. I miss the otter.
*crys*
This was on my podium of the many things I read today. Unfortunately I was rickrolled on this website so that did not make the podium.
I hope you have a great day and that you do not get rickrolled.
👋




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7 Reviews

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Wed Feb 21, 2024 12:26 am
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fructose wrote a review...



Hi!

I really liked this poem and how expressive you made it. The image you drew is beautiful, and I can imagine how the speaker feels through the way the setting is described. It feels serene and peaceful, and you portrayed that wonderfully.

Although I admire how much emotion you are able to put into just two stanzas, I think the last two sentences could have been drawn out more. The ending was very descriptive, but lacked detail on how the speaker felt. He talks so freely and blithely about the otter, and that joy comes to an end for rest, the speaker fails to change his tone and speaks as contentedly without the otter than he did with it. As the reader it felt hollow, and I would expect that the emotions the speaker would face be heavier. Maybe adding a few extra lines that articulate what feelings this person faces would help add emphasis on the closure of the poem.

This is very good work and I really appreciate how detailed it was while still leaving room for interpretation. I adored it and I hope to see more of your poems in the future.

fructose
<3




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Points: 38
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Tue Feb 20, 2024 8:53 pm
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doublewriter7 wrote a review...



Not going to be a long review, I'll make it brief. It's a nice little poem with some heart in it. I can appreciate the punny name but I can also appreciate the wholesome feeling this exudes. All in all, fairly nice poetry. I don't have any major complaints and saying I wish it was longer is more of a compliment anyhow.





Remember: the plot is nothing more than footprints left in the snow after your characters have run by on their way to incredible destinations.
— Ray Bradbury