Published September 28, 2010
The beauty exists no deeper than the skin
Between the cracks of perfect pores, tears swell in darkness
Behind parted, curved and twisted red
Beyond pretentious disguise
While emotion remains unreadable prying eyes and prodding fingers cannot interfere
This state holds no fear of being alone but an apprehension of being unloved, undesired, unrequited and without purpose.
Repetition of a falling tower built of blindness and naivety
Love is hope and hope is a flawless path to disappointment
The sun shines upon doubt distracting its instinctive predictions
Logic is absent in optimism
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141,456 Literary Works • 674,471 Reviews
I was pourndering upon the lyric poetry and I found this...I liked it! Your really good at writing! I just recently started poetry, I'm trying to read up on it and see what comes out on the paper. Lol. Well keep writing, this was deep and I loved it so yeah(:
- Justis
I thought that this was so beautiful and sweet
This is a extremely moving poem on a really important issue.
I love the metaphores that you used, but I think you should just look over the punctuation again.
I think WatingForLife covered everything else.
Hey, WaitingForLife here to review your poem,
is amazing, it shows the pessimistic side of love really well. I might lose the "is" after "and hope", again, to give it a better flow.I really liked this work. True, it is sort of depressing, but in my opinion depression is a very strong emotion that is easy to write about. You used extremely good adjectives and metaphors and the overall work is magnificet.
Here are a few things that caught my eye though;
In the second line, I'd use "In between" instead of "Between", just to give it a steadier flow. However, if you have done this on purpose to make the poem sound matter-of-fact then ignore this.
In the second last line, I would put a comma between doubt and distracting, to give it a more dramatic sound.
This last one isn't a criticism, I just wanted to point out that i thought your sentence,
These are just suggestions though, and if you think it's better as it is, do leave it like it is.
But yeah, this is my first review, so Im not really sure how this is s'posed be reviewed, but it was such a good work that I had to write something.
Keep it up!
_WaitingForLife_