First of all.
What?
I didn't really like this poem.
You neede to work on it a little more.
I bark at thee to write again,
only then can the world see your sound.
Sorry to jump to assumptions, but I have received hostility because of my reviews, and I am sick of it.
Anyway, I glad to have helped.
alleycat13 wrote:If you're saying that to get a reaction out of me, don't. I gave you an honest review, which is something every writer should hope to receive.
This poem confuses me to no end because the imagery and references seem all over the place, in my opinion. I think they could be a little more focused? You might want to take another look at the rhyming as well, as it also seems to come and go.
One line I did like: "dreams as deep as Nazi eyes"
Nice.
PM me if you have any questions,
-Amelia
If you're saying that to get a reaction out of me, don't. I gave you an honest review, which is something every writer should hope to receive.
If you really want an answer, then it is this: there is no way to clearly define iambic pentameter other then by stating the definition. That being-- five (thus 'pent') pairs of unstressed-stressed syllables.
If I were explaing that to someone who had never written before, I would say this-- it should sound like "Whose woods these are I think I know..." (Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost). It should have that same feel and rhythmn, except that there should be one more pair of syllables because this quote is iambic tetrameter and has only 8 syllables.
There are several forms of sonnets, and I tried to find a good website to direct you to--> http://www.utm.edu/departments/english/everett/sonnet.htm
Honestly, I don't like this very much. One thing that bothers me is that you call it a sonnet. Well, I find no iambic pentameter or rhyming scheme, so, I don't think it's a sonnet.
No... That is not the case,(.)
leave remembrance in blue ink,
or I dare to call you a scapegrace.
Dreams as deep as Nazi eyes,
maybe it was love you finally found?
I bark at thee to write again,
only then can the world see your sound.
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