Published September 22, 2007
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First of all.
What?
I didn't really like this poem.
You neede to work on it a little more.
Is he a dog or something?
Make it something like pleed, or beg.
Bark is a bit, weird.
Just needs a bit of work that's all.
Sorry to jump to assumptions, but I have received hostility because of my reviews, and I am sick of it.
Anyway, I glad to have helped.
Meow!
I was actually curious about iambic pentameter. I was under the assumption that a sonnet was 14 lines of lyrical verse... I had no idea I had to fallow rules
<---- Horrible poet, no joke.
Thank you for the help. I will revise eventually to fit the rules.
This poem confuses me to no end because the imagery and references seem all over the place, in my opinion. I think they could be a little more focused? You might want to take another look at the rhyming as well, as it also seems to come and go.
One line I did like: "dreams as deep as Nazi eyes"
Nice.
PM me if you have any questions,
-Amelia
If you're saying that to get a reaction out of me, don't. I gave you an honest review, which is something every writer should hope to receive.
If you really want an answer, then it is this: there is no way to clearly define iambic pentameter other then by stating the definition. That being-- five (thus 'pent') pairs of unstressed-stressed syllables.
If I were explaing that to someone who had never written before, I would say this-- it should sound like "Whose woods these are I think I know..." (Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening by Robert Frost). It should have that same feel and rhythmn, except that there should be one more pair of syllables because this quote is iambic tetrameter and has only 8 syllables.
There are several forms of sonnets, and I tried to find a good website to direct you to--> http://www.utm.edu/departments/english/everett/sonnet.htm
Explain iambic pentameter in your own words.
Honestly, I don't like this very much. One thing that bothers me is that you call it a sonnet. Well, I find no iambic pentameter or rhyming scheme, so, I don't think it's a sonnet.
I really feel there should be a period after 'case'. It gives that next sentence more independence.
'Nazi eyes' is an interesting thing to say about dreams, but it is strange. Many you should save that phrase for a more fitting piece.
I like this part, but 'bark' seems a harsh word to go with 'thee'. The last line is nice. To 'see your sound' is an unique concept.
It seems to me that there's a lot of passion and not a lot of direction in this poem. I hear a plead to some loved one, but I think that some things got lost in translation.
I'm sorry this sounds so harsh, but I hope it helps.