Published September 4, 2007
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141,419 Literary Works • 674,398 Reviews
Meh. I didn't like it, but I didn't dislike it. It was very, "meh."
"Not everything needs a metaphor."
Cheers to that.
I did not like this very much. It was short, uninteresting, and I'm not going to remember it in five minutes, much less tomorrow.
I'm not trying to be harsh on purpose, I'm giving you an exact critique of what I think of it, and what should be improved - I'm going to be honest, because writers will never become better without honesty.
Since this poem is short (which is usually a hard feat to pull of anyways), the reader expects something brilliant that'll leave them thinking about it later.
That said, this stanza was too plain. Simple words put together. I think adding adjectives, or explaining the verbs you've written there with more detail.
For some reason, the word 'become' made me trip over the line there (try reading it out loud). 'Become' does not seem to be the right word there, try thinking of something different, and much shorter.
In the second line, 'something' is used twice, which is what I think is a no-no in writing poems. Using the same word twice in stanza, much less a line, makes it sound overused and tedious.
I would have to say this is my favorite line from the poem, but it hints a cliche. Using procrastination and tempation together would be great, but 'hand in hand' is a cliche in itself.
Cute, kinda clever. The first line, which is a rhetorical questions, just did not work for me. It's an overused idea, as is the idea of writing a poem about writing. Making it a statement, perhaps, would give it more importance.
This poem needs a lot of work. Revising it and reading it out loud would seriously help.
Mel
I'm not entirely sure I liked this.
I never have liked poems about writing or writing like subjects, you have to be really good to pull them off. They end up being too simple, straight forward, and bland. Yeah, I can relate but... Does this poem express anything more than when I say, "Ugh, I procrastinate and I have writers block! well, maybe instead I could just...." From what I got from it, not really. You have to go beyond that general, basic idea. Gives us something new! Perhaps make a metaphor--even better, an extended metaphor!--that relates to writers block. The most awesome example I can give is a poem Kitty15 wrote about critiquing. It's about sharks.
You just have to put something more into the poem, go beyond the general and the obvious, so that way I read this and go, "Wow, I never looked at writers block that way!" You know?
Hope this helped! Best of luck.
I have writers block right now.
I like the rhyming couplets and would suggest maintaining them throughout.
If you don't agree, I'd suggest that you say "go for a walk" instead of "on", for no reason that I can articulate, and I'd say "hand in hand" instead of "and".
I'd say "I wish that I had his skill", as I think this will improove the beat. Other than that, this could do with a bit of polish, and a little more structure, but I did, as I said, enjoy the couplets.