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The One Eyed Wonder - Mitchell on Monogamy

by Renard

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.

Hope you're ready for another dose of abuse from everyone's favourite polar bear. The art of the break-up this time, well you'll see about my opinion in just a second: FUCK MONOGAMY!

And there it is.

Before you judge me, it's just not my thing. And I think it's important to remember that it doesn't apply to everyone, this faithful to one and one only shit. Because that's all it is: a subjective opinion. Thing is: I am a shagging machine, seeking as much variety as possible. (Or at least, that's what I put on my dating webpage, but don't tell my wife. Or my girlfriend. Or my fiancee.) *wink wink*

People bore me if I stay around them too long. I need someone to be fresh and exciting with me all the time. And if you can't offer that... then what's the point? You stay with the person too long and it becomes predictable. No one wants that.

So if you measly humans out there are limiting yourselves to just one fuckbuddy - sorry, "lover" - then I am asking you why? Open your loins to the fruits of possibility and all that jazz. In other words: GET LAID. GET LAID EVERYDAY. BY DIFFERENT PEOPLE. And most of all... enjoy it.

Rock and roll, take your fair share of more than one set of genitalia and revel in it. And do it whilst you're young, because once your tits drop to your knees and your balls are slung around your ankles, no one is going to want to know.

So get fucking, and do it now!

I implore you to seek reason , Buddha is not the way, Bukkake is the way.

Obviously, this is entirely your choice, so I won't force it down your throat (pardon the pun). I suppose the key thing is to make sure you're happy with the relationship you're in. Fuck whoever you want. Don't make random girls pregnant though, that's not cool.

And don't cheat on your panda lover eight times with different people. Polygamy works both ways.

Signing out

Mitchell Akajowango

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317 Reviews

Points: 20
Reviews: 317

Sun Mar 30, 2014 2:27 am
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lostthought wrote a review...

Wait, since when do you do the panda' s view on the world? Oh well, this bear is hilarious.

These topics are so- what's the word? Controversial. You take the seriousness of these topics and twist them around to where everyone laughs their heads off. Though not meant to be laughed at, they are taken with an expert mind and made into something funny.

I didn't see any nitpicks. I guess that you fixed those comma spaces huh? Let's hope that this bear has done more to talk about. How did anyone ever come up with this? Seriously, give them a cookie. Maybe some milk as well.

Keep writing you panda,


Polar bear. XD Not panda. LOL.
Lovely review, thank you. :)

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933 Reviews

Points: 4311
Reviews: 933

Fri Mar 28, 2014 2:53 am
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Iggy wrote a review...

Ayee, isn't Mitchell the polar bear YourLowness's thing? ... I'm onto you.

Anyways, these are always funny to read. I seriously don't know where you get the idea of a ranting polar bear high on what-have-you, but keep getting these ideas. They're seriously comical.

Okay, so you achieved your goal of making me laugh. You covered the point of this article/essay without veering off track and you used nice and surprisingly sensible examples to back up your point. xD

There was a few mistakes, like a space before a comma, but eh, there wasn't too many and they aren't really worth pointing out, since this was more meant to be comical than to be serious.

This was overall funny to read and I love reading the things Mitchell has to say. He seems like the type of guy (er, bear?) to write about a controversial topic and be insulting about it, while also making good points. x) That would be a sight to see.


Well it would have been YL's but I know them in real life and they delegated :P
They got bored of the character, but told me that people wanted to read. That you wanted to read it. XD
So here we are. He is a sight to see. I'm glad you like him. He's a great bear really. :)

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
— Mark Twain