Warning: This work has been rated 18+.
The eye of the fickle beholder
Is a difficult one to please
He's in your head
She's messed with your meds
Never to be at ease.
The eye of the fickle beholder
Puts perfection on the line
You won't get past
You know it won't last
But still, we'll try and make it fine.
The eye of the fickle beholder
Never going to have much luck
Picking out your eyes
Hoping you will die
Life never gave a fuck.
The eye of the fickle beholder
Lay bleeding on the floor
Follow the master
Or await disaster
Soft celled, tainted core.
The eye of the fickle beholder
Has finally reached their end
Now you have too
And there's no clue
If it sent you round the bend.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Sup.
This doesn't seem creepy. ^_^ It sounds like a rant but also a little depressing.
In the first stanza you say "He's in your head", but then say "She's messed with your meds". Is the Fickle beholder male or female?
The poem's good. It sounds like your talking about society to me. Definitely fickle.
Hi,
I think this works well! - what you have created is a great little poem with a relentless kind of rhythm.
Very threatening - like who is this 'he' and 'she' of verse 1, and who is the voice narrating the poem anyway? We never really find out, so it's doubly creepy by the end....
That repetition of the first line throughout 'The eye of the fickle beholder' works well too, adding to the sense of underlying madness.
And the end rhymes are great. Very nice and don't feel at all 'forced'.
My favourite part was probably 'soft celled, tainted core' - it kind of sent a shiver down my spine there - brrr!
The end is nice and leaves everything open to interpretation, and it includes the reader in the madness too. So it's as if no one is safe after reading this - muwahahahaha!
Great write.
Heya. This is I, who you may/may not know (your boyfriend
) and I have decided to review this poem first. As a starting point, I do like the title of this piece- it's an interesting take on the phrase "beauty is in the eye of the beholder". It seems that this "beholder" is indecisive and strives for perfection. I like how even the title hooks you in.
I like how you have introduced this beholder as one who is difficult to please. However, I was a little bit confused as to who "he" and "she". I assume that these are multiple characters, hence the idea that any beholder is fickle. It creates the impression that the narrator is constantly judged by other people. The narrator is currently going through some degree of identity disorder.
This line definitely suggests the futility of impressing others, particularly teachers or those in authority. These people always change the size of the goal posts. Despite this, the narrator is still giving it a shot, albeit to disappointing results. The last line of this stanza appears to be rather sarcastic, which adds a lot of character to the narrative.
The narrator is implying that everyone attacks them and uses them, even turning on themselves. Life- which "never gave a fuck"- goes on, in the most negative sense of the phrase. It appears this person has experienced so much embarrassment and humiliation in their lives that they attribute the actions of these specific people to everyone in general. This means that the narrator has been damaged by all of these events.
The reference to the Soft Cell song Tainted Love- a song which is catchy and surprisingly upbeat for its subject matter which, in turn, is similar to this poem- adds some degree of humour to this, which already existed beforehand. One thing I have noticed in your writing is that you pull off black humour really well. I don't know if this was the intention of this poem, but certain lines in this stanza highlighted some degree of comedy- take this paradox of following a master or awaiting disaster. Losing one's individuality to avoid disaster is a disaster within itself. The character is conflicted and contradictory.
The end of what, exactly? Life? Self-esteem? Confidence? A lot of questions could be asked, but I like how you have kept this vague.
In conclusion, this is one of your strongest works to date. I find it to be one of subtle balance; between the humour and the sadness, we see the shape of a character who has been changed due to excessive exposure to manipulation. This is really great. As your boyfriend, I am proud of you. <33333