Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
"No one does that to me!" Poppy screeched. Her eyes were stinging from her make-up strewn tears. Will had taken her to the hotel room he had booked (for himself and Arabella) in an attempt to calm Poppy down.
"How long have you had a mistress for?" Poppy demanded.
Will perched on the end of the double bed, not making eye contact. Instead, he fiddled with the cufflinks on his suit sleeves.
"You wouldn't understand."
"Explain then. Explain why you abandoned your fiancee this evening, in favour of taking some tart to my favourite hotel and restaurant. Explain why you have two fiancees. Explain why there's a hotel room booked for the two of you. And explain why the clerk was under the impression that my name was fucking Arabella!" Poppy could just about breathe.
She was ragged. The straps of her dress had slipped down, revealing her blotchy flesh. Her hair hung in disorder over her face, as she kept pulling at it in her frustration.
"She was there for me in a time where you weren't." Will announced.
"I am always there for you. In fact, it's you that stood our dinner date up this evening," Poppy ran a hand through her hair.
"I love her," Will added.
She'd lost control. Her hand had met the side of Will's cheek before she could stop herself. Looking taken aback, he recoiled from her, and gave her a look of disgust.
"I see why you're angry, bu-"
"Angry! That doesn't even begin..." but Poppy stopped. She stopped to consider what she really wanted from this situation. She wanted Will. In order to maintain this wish, taking her violence out on him was not the solution. It would take something more cunning to ensure he stayed away from Arabella.
"I'm sorry," Poppy changed her method. As she glanced down at herself, she noticed the amount of flesh that she had accidentally exposed. Deciding to play on this, she shimmied out of her dress and stood before Will in her lacy lingerie.
It took him a few moments to register her change of attire; upon looking up at her, his eyes widened somewhat, but he didn't look disapproving. Despite her tactic, it wasn't enough to tempt him to rise from his pew. So Poppy went to him.
She leant over, teasingly in front of him, hoping that he could be tempted to touch her, to kiss her, make some form of contact, to let her know that he still wanted her (as she wanted him.)
When he didn't reciprocate, Poppy's impatience took over. She forced her mouth onto Will's, lock-jawing him into a passionate kiss. To her surprise, he responded; and ran a hand down her neck, across the curvature of her exposed breasts and down her torso to her thighs, where he met the waistband of her underwear.
He pulled back from the kiss, and spoke.
"We met at a bank conference," Will began. Poppy could tell he hadn't finished. He sprung to his feet and paced the room as he spoke.
"She was beautiful. I don't know how it happened, but we-"
"Stop," Poppy could feel herself on the verge of tears. Angry tears.
She could prove Will wrong. If he gave her the chance to show him that he would have a better relationship with Poppy than his other woman. That he needed her. After all, he couldn't be without her. Poppy couldn't be without him.
"I remember the first day we met," Will added vaguely. This brought a smile to Poppy's lips and she relaxed, assuming Will's recently abandoned seat on the edge of the bed.
"It was a beautiful day, the theatre. You were playing Juliet. A stunning performance. You looked so peaceful, yet so intense, and I couldn't wait to see how that would translate to you in real life." Will spoke as though he were in some sort of chance.
"Why did you cheat?" Poppy brought him out of his reverie.
He looked guiltily towards her, this time dead in the eye.
"Arabella had something you never gave me," he muttered.
Poppy couldn't fathom how his tart could possibly be superior to her.
"Pray tell, what could she offer you that was so tempting?" the bitterness rose in her voice again.
Will didn't answer. Instead, he did something Poppy had not foreseen. He surged across the room, seemingly taking the paces all in one stride: placed his hands behind her back before flinging her backwards, flat onto the bed. He clambered on top of her and pulled at the straps of her bra until it was gone. Exposing her bare breasts, he caressed the skin gently in his large palms, before flicking his tongue back and forth over her erect nipples. Poppy moaned beneath him. The pleasure was unexpected but welcome. She had no idea how long it lasted for, before the two of them were naked and gyrating on the silky sheets of the double bed.
"Do you truly want this?" Poppy stared intensely into Will's eyes as he grappled for his wallet in his suit jacket. He retrieved it, flipped it open and pulled out a sheath.
"This will answer your question," he replied, his actions speaking for his intentions.
After he had covered himself, he rolled on top of Poppy. He carefully positioned himself comfortably, so as not to squash her beneath his weight; and inserted his erect penis inside her. Will had ploughed his way into her, penetrating deeper with each thrust.
"I-love-you," Poppy could barely speak in-between the intensity of his actions. Will remained silent, a warped look of ecstasy on his face as his body pulsed on top of Poppy's.
"You looked very sexy tonight," Will whispered in her ear. The compliment came from nowhere, and his hot breath tickled the surface of her skin, it had made her giggle. Closing her eyes in her state of euphoria, Poppy let her thoughts explode in her mind.
She had been correct, the dress had impressed Will - and by the looks and flattery the clerk had given her, she may have turned more than on head. 'Not bad' she thought to herself. Considering the dress had been her second choice.
Suddenly, an unwelcome thought entered Poppy's mind. Will's grunting and thrusting no longer seemed important, nor enjoyable. Instead, Poppy was preoccupied with thinking about the dress. The little black dress she had planned to wear for the dinner that evening had disappeared. And at the table downstairs, Arabella was wearing something incredibly similar, or perhaps even... the same?
"Will," Poppy interrupted his crescendo of moaning. He looked up at her, showing his displeasure at her timing.
"The dress Arabella was wearing, where did she get it?" Poppy spoke slowly, so that Will had time to register every word.
Any trace of pleasure in Will's face had dissipated immediately. "She needed something to-" Poppy didn't give him chance to finish. She pushed him away, (somewhat painfully) and scrambled to her feet. She dressed herself without care before racing to the bedroom door, wrenching it open and heading down the corridor to the stairs and the restaurant below.
She stormed through the foyer, past the clerk and many bewildered onlookers; until she found herself in the dimly lit bar.
Arabella was poised in a corner, sipping at a clear drink in a glass.
"YOU!" Poppy yelled across the room. All talk ceased. Arabella glanced up casually.
"Yes?"
"Give me back my dress you rapacious whore."
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
I read this one and the last one and I was thinking about how fun it was to read and how easily your writing flowed. It was simple but it was effective, a good story telling technique for someone who doesn't feel like the burdening commitment of an intense flourish of flowery words and would much rather just be engulfed straight into the story which I really liked about this piece, however as I was going along reading this chapter, it started getting a little romantic but I thought meh, I don't think she will make it all soppy and alas I was right but in a wrong way how was I to know that you would turn this into full fledged erotica material.
Despite this, and this that I disliked, I still continued to read and still want to continue to read and that I shall after this review. I was really hoping this is going go somewhere better dare I say?
And now that i think about this... I feel this is strangely expectant of you. But enough of my merciless and cruel judgemental statements for you fairly provided appropriate ratings well with the exception of maybe adult content but yes, I don't even know what I am saying any more. Perhaps I will just continue to ramble and thus never review and leave you with a mulch on nonsense in revenge for your last 'review' of mine in where you didn't even review you just made a random comments then then copied and pasted a random quote from a random area of the text to make it look longer but it wasn't even long enough to be a review with the random paste but I shall not do that because I value my reviews and you did a good one for the first one, you just seemed to dapple out by the last one ne? ne?
I think you have been careful to keep this grammatically correct and spelling and everything but I don't even review on typos anyway. So lets go into some character things.
Poppy is cool.
Will is completely boring. He's dull. He's stupid. He has no interest. He just repeats himself over and over and over. He seems to be acting like he hasn't done anything wrong. I think by this time if I was replaced into poppies position Will would currently have his through gutted and be on his way down the fall out the window until the ground floor of the hotel. Not only because he was cheating, but also because he is so dull.
And because he is dull this takes the toll on Poppy.
You see I like Poppy. So far she seems a decent character and fun to read about. But since she likes Will, and Will is dull, it makes me resent her for liking him and wanting to impress him with sexual activities rather than gutting his throat which seems much more fun. Seems really... fun.
Anyway. Because Will is so dull and repeats himself and blah blah blah you risk loosing some interest even in regards to Poppy.
However I am curious about Arabella. I look forward to reading the next one to find out more about her. Good work on establishing a mysterious aura around her and thus capturing the readers attention.
Hey there!
That's my advice.
It's a pity that no one has commented on this piece of work, but I am here to fix that.
Let's begin with some nitpicks:
[q] "She was there for me in a time where you weren't." Will announced. [/q]
‘Announced’ seems a little formal. I know that sometimes we get tired of just saying ‘said’ to convey who’s speaking, but more often than not it’s best to just use ‘said’. Other things should tell us the tone of voice that the person has used, such as the fact that Will seems clearly disinterested if a little bothered by the conversation, thus I imagine him stating this in a tone devoid of emotion.
[q] "I am always there for you. In fact, it's you that stood our dinner date up this evening," Poppy ran a hand through her hair. [/q]
You’ve achieved this here. Her running a hand through her hair makes me imagine her being nervous, thus she’s probably on the verge of screaming/ crying as she says this. You did not need to say that she said it in a trembling voice, because you’ve already shown us her state of mind.
[q] She'd lost control. Her hand had met the side of Will's cheek before she could stop herself. Looking taken aback, he recoiled from her, and gave her a look of disgust. [/q]
Here, you switch tenses with ‘she’d lost control’ and ‘her hand had met the side of Will’s cheek’. It should be ‘she lost control’ and ‘her hand met the side of Will’s cheek’.
[q] Will had ploughed his way into her, penetrating deeper with each thrust.[/q]
Once again, you switch tenses which is unnecessary. ‘Will ploughed his way into her’
Anyway, the word seems a little out of place given the context, a little vulgar if you will, it doesn’t seem to match their previous dialogue or the narrator’s tone.
Plot
Good pace. You did not rush over certain parts, nor did you take too long for each scene. Everything seemed well paced. I like where this is going, a bloody love triangle! Make sure to add something to the archetype though. Don’t just use a cardboard cut out of a plot we’ve all seen before. Make it original and make it your own.
Character:
I’m guessing you intended this. I have never met two more obnoxious individuals. Will is exceptionally selfish and seems to only care for his own pleasure, whilst Poppy is desperate for approval, spoilt and aggressive. They seem like the kind of couple that ends up on Dr. Phil or some other show. I suppose they will develop throughout the novel to resemble human beings. Then again, maybe not and that’s perfectly okay. It’s a little hard to like them at this point, however, or feel any kind of sympathy for them since they’re both so obnoxious and selfish. So, if you’d like the reader to sympathize with either character, then it would be best that you gave them at least some redeeming qualities.
On a side note though, as obnoxious as she is, I must admit that Poppy is pretty intriguing... how she changed mid slapping him to playing her mind games to get him back. That was devious! Devious and manipulative is always interesting.
Overall:
Drama and romance are my guilty pleasure. I’m intrigued! I think this can be very good if you polish the technical errors and make the story your own. Use the archetype but make it your own
Keep writing,
Hecate