Published January 10, 2014
I’ll break your walls if you break mine
I dare you
But you know you won’t
You’re far too weak for that
Bricks break glass
Lies shatter hearts
Inconsequence is our freedom now
I’ll break your walls if you break mine
I beg of you
I hope you’ll do it
But you’re far too weak for that
Bricks break glass
Delicacy of bones
Inconsequence is our freedom now
I’ll break your walls if you break mine
I demand from you
I’ll make you do it
But you’re still too weak for that
Bricks break glass
Stone my rotting flesh
Inconsequence is not the problem now
I’ll break your walls if you break mine
I’ll smother you
You’ve made me do this
But you’re still too weak for that
Bricks break glass
You stoned my heart
I’m your problem now.
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141,312 Literary Works • 674,341 Reviews
Ok, this is brilliant. Psychologically stunning and is amazing. But I have one suggestion, try breaking the pome into stanzas, it will make it more dynamic and powerful.
I will try and see if I find the appropriate place to make breaks. Thank you.
This is a stirring poem, and not one that in any way relies on the typical themes of the love genre.
One of your two most powerful things was the title because of it's reference to a well known phrase, which, in psychology terms makes potential readers look out of subconscious vanity for their own knowledge.
The other is the last line, taking the blame somebody else approach, and really ending the poem of nicely.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Wow, this is strong.
Seriously. Very powerful.
I enjoyed how you wrote this a lot, short lines with a lot of meaning which I suppose links to the poem quite a bit!
I particularly like your last lines too:
"But you’re still too weak for that
Bricks break glass
You stoned my heart
I’m your problem now."
They, to me, were very powerful and I just love your imagery. It's almost like a "Rock, paper, scissors- the heart version." xD Which I found a fabulous effect. I cannot suggest any improvements I'm afraid, and I apologize for that, but keep it up, I love your work!
-CFG
This poem was masterfully done, and the only problem i can see is YWS once more destroying formatting. This poem IS truly a romantic thing. It explains how someone feels when they are hurt, or betrayed in a romance. I don't know if you've ever been in a relationship, let alone a hurtful one, but this is what happens. You can either lay down and cry, letting your emotions out in a sad way, or you will vow to yourself that you won't allow them to get away with hurting you. This poem properly, and truthfully describes what happens when someone "stones the glass house". The mind is a frail thing. True, it should not be pampered, but it should also not be treated roughly, and one should have an understanding of the consequences.
You post this poem under romantic but it speaks of destruction and betrayal, isn't there a better tag for you to post your somewhat twisted sense of romance. You write of freedom being irrelevant but you can't believe that or what was the point in writing this at all.
When you write about breaking walls I assume that you mean psychological or emotional walls but from my experience, no one can break those walls without your consent. Even if they do why do you suddenly become their problem, can you not handle the onslaught of emotions that flood forth once this wall was broken your self. Does that not contradict the words that express within this poem that your stronger the those trying to break your walls.
Maybe it's because of the format but your poem feels disjoint and evokes very little emotion and these are two things the make a poem.
I'm sorry to say but by the time I post this review, I won't even remember your poem.
Frankly, as a fellow writer, poet, and reveiwer, i find this to be an EXTREMELY rude review. Such behaviour is, frankly, a disgrace on this community.
It is more than possible to break one's psychological walls without consent. people usually cannot handle the rush of terrible feelings, emotions, and truths once they've been betrayed by someone (which is breaking the walls), but once it is over, you are almost always a stronger person, more prepared should it happen in the future. of course, should it happen too many times in a short period, you cannot guarantee that the mind can ever be healed again. Clearly you simply did not understand the meaning of this work of art at all, and so bashed it instead.