Published December 7, 2013
Little girl, little girl,
Found my letters on the floor;
Insincere apologies,
Of not wanting more.
Just ten years old,
When the magic died;
Never be the same,
Cos mummy lied...
My best friend told me,
I'm unhinged;
No idea exactly
What she means?
Bottom heap everything,
I'm no the Alpha;
Perhaps forever?
The power's lost,
But that's alright with me,
Yes, that's alright with me.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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130,098 Literary Works • 671,511 Reviews
Timmyjake here! I thought I would review something of yours that wasn't in French.
So this was really good. Its kind of childish, but still having a solid backing to the poem. I'll just hit a few nitpicks!
I think the "Cos" would work better as a "Cuz."
I didn't see that as a question, but as a statement. Why the question mark? Is it a question?
I think you mean "not."
So I think that is all I have to critique on it! This was really good. Even though the stanzas were so short, it still flowed along beautifully. Good job!
~Timmyjake
Hello there!
I enjoyed this.
It's a little obscure, for lack of a better word. You've managed to make people think really hard about what they're reading.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but my interpretation is this:
Something tragic happened to the main person (you?) when she was a little girl. She grows up with this tragedy effecting her life, though she doesn't fully see that. Towards the end, the part about her being "not the Alpha:" I feel this is a stanza portraying that she feels she has lost control?
That's just what I got from this! I could be totally way off the mark. ^_^
I didn't see any errors that needed fixing, except this one:
Great work on this! You created a great air of mystery with this poem.
Thank you. No you were pretty much dead on the mark with that interpretation. Also, thank you for pointing out the typo. -facepalm- How did I not spot that? XD
Me thinks I have some editing to do.
Every time I read a bit of poetry I always feel somehow more stupid and inadequate than the moment before. Because I am never quite certain if my interpretation is correct or not o.o. Either way, I certainly was pleased ^ ^. I THINK (note I used the word think, because I think a lot of times- but that doesn't necessarily mean my thinking is particularly CORRECT per say XD) I can relate to the poem, or at east most of it- if not it's entirety. "When the magic died" "I'm unhinged" "Bottom heap", these lines in particularly spoke to me. I grew up in a home where my parents were fighting almost constantly, and even now I've grown to despise one and side with the other- It holds a lot of impact to read something like this. Realizing that once the "magic" of even your parents own love is gone, you come undone, unhinged, the "bottom of the heap". And the ending- where "That's alright with me", it very accurately portrays my feelings of hatred towards my father now. I'm not sure if I particularly like the feelings this poem caused to re-emerge or not, but for sure this is a very emotion invoking piece for me.
Much Love,
Red <3
Awww. I am amazed by how deeply you seem to have connected with this poem. I'm really glad you liked it, sorry to upset you! -hugs- Thank you for the review.
It's no problem ^ ^ I rather like poetry that brings an emotional connection to poetry that doesn't pertain to me at all o.o otherwise I feel kind of left out of a loop, ya know?
It's very good I found the spacing very helpful,
Easy to read,
I like the rythem,
It's a bit bazaar because I dont really understand it..
good work though
Before anyone says anything, I tried to separate the verses in this, but I couldn't because the editing went barmy. So yeah... XD