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E - Everyone

My Turn

by Renard


I want to let them down.

Make them wait.

Make them wonder...

Where the hell has she gone?

Is she ok?

Will she be long?

And then never return.

Leaving long, unanswered questions.

Of torturous panic.


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Points: 2090
Reviews: 29

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Sun Mar 30, 2014 1:24 am
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greywords wrote a review...



I find this simply incredible. I'm sure that just about anyone could relate to this in some way or another. At least, I know I can.

On the one hand, I really like the ellipses after "Make them wonder...". It plays into the questions nicely. But on the other hand, I like the parallelism of ending it with a period like the line before. I think it works better with the period: it shows the general tone of the poem better than the ellipses in my opinion. Your tone seems to be dark and angry, so I think ending that line with a period adds to that with a curt, matter of fact expression.

I really, really do like this poem. I understand the feeling behind it, and at least with my experience, this describes it perfectly. Truly excellent work.

--Grey




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17 Reviews


Points: 698
Reviews: 17

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Sun Mar 30, 2014 12:39 am
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BlackBunny1998 wrote a review...



This work can actually relate to anyone. I mean it can relate to everyone here. I can see how this work of yours implies how our insecurities keep building up whenever something happens. As we become more and more concerned, we yet wait for the answers we'll end up finding later in the future. But yeah, it's actually a good work you've done. Keep up the good work!





I sleep with reckless abandon!
— Link Neal