Monday Monologues – Issue #1 – LSD

Monday 13th January 2014

What is the big deal about LSD? I don’t understand it. Freedom of choice should mean that people are liberated to do whatever they want without restriction. Right? So by that measure, using LSD (or not) should be acceptable. Well no actually.

I must point out that I am not talking about Lysergic acid diethylamide (the drug), as you may have first thought. In fact, what I actually meant was Lexical Sagacious Discrimination. (This is the point where you say what the fuck is that???) And that is my point exactly.

In an age where swearing in public is classed as anti-social behaviour and can get you arrested, it begs the question, upon basic analysis: Why is using words suddenly a criminal offence? Put that like it sounds rather ridiculous. Almost like being arrested for saying ‘banana’ with the apparent intent of calling someone a ‘penis.’ And that is the real problem: intent. Lexical Sagacious Discrimination is the belief that we should omit certain choice words from our vocabulary in order of not creating offence (or because we have been told that there use is socially unacceptable.)

There are numerous reasons why we might let slip the odd piece of obscenity: when we are feeling frustrated and angry, to try and get attention, making ourselves appear tough or to challenge authority; even to fit in with our friends. Obviously, certain circumstances are a definite no-no for swearing. Around young children this could set a bad example, although what is the difference between teaching a child the word: ‘poo’ and the word ‘shit’ (apart from the reaction they will get if they say it?) Or perhaps calling someone a ‘fuckwit’ in the school corridor as your head teacher walks past is not the best idea. Not that I ever did that. (Did really!)

So what do we mean by naughty words exactly? Here are a few ‘swears’ you may recognise: piss off, bugger me, clunge, nonce, fuck me sideways, shite, spunk, twat, munter, plonker, jizz, poxy, fucktard, gob shite, arse/ass, bollocks, pussy and everyone’s favourite: cunt. Aside from expression, these words are capable of causing GARGANTUAN amounts of offence. But why?

If you’re someone who is looking for an excuse for using foul language, think about this... You don’t make up an excuse to say the word ‘prick’ (in the right context.) Look at the following examples:

‘I didn’t want to prick my finger.’

‘You are a prick.’

Prick is just a word, but when the context changes; and due to the meaning we have assigned to the word, people get their knickers in a twist.

Cursing is not a recent phenomenon; in fact, it has its own rich history that is far extended. There is even some colourful language in The Holy Bible! (dun dun dun) Take this for example: "For long ago I broke your yoke and burst your bonds; but you said, 'I will not serve.' Yes, on every high hill and under every green tree you bowed down like a whore." (Jeremiah 2:20)

Or...
"But Rabshakeh said, Hath my master sent me to thy master and to thee to speak these words? Hath he not sent me to the men that sit upon the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?" - Isaiah 36:12

It seems censorship didn’t exist way back then, but now... we have to watch what we say; as swearing clearly impacts on other’s people impressions of us; and some would say it even reflects on your personality! It is ridiculous to suggest that you are an aggressive person just because when you embed your foot in the pins of a plug you scream ‘FUCK!’ (Yes I did that as well.)

However, it IS true that swearing alters you physiologically – cursing is an aide in helping to alleviate pain. So... my screeching of ‘FUCK’ at the plug actually means I can handle the pain more than if I just said ‘Fudge.’ That’s science. So by those rights it would be acceptable for us emotionally to use cuss words. Err... if only it were that simple.

Interestingly, what people don’t realise is that swear words make up 0.7% of the average person’s vocabulary per day. This is startlingly the same percentage as the rate at which they use first person plural pronouns – we, our etc. With such liberal use, it seems strange that people still think swearing is a big deal.

Which brings me back to our Lexical Sagacious Discrimination – relating to the decision making of which words from our language we do and don’t use; which screams to me some sort of elitism. Certain words are banned because the majority in power have decided that they are not acceptable to say. This doesn’t change the fact that it is still just a word and it is the meaning and the intent that are the issue. And through that fact, the answer lies in us having created our own problem.

We put the meaning in words; ergo we put the offence in them too. So the moment we decide ‘fucking cunt’ is no longer offensive, it ceases to be. Just like that. However, convincing the masses of this opinion proves to be a hefty aim – one which we could say is almost fucking impossible (winks.)

Ultimately, it’s up to the individual to decide how they use language and what words that includes. Taking into consideration that this will produce varied effects depending on who is around at the time, you may still automatically exercise caution. But as part of liberation in a free thinking world it only makes sense to be literally able to say whatever the fuck we want. Just remember that the next time you go to prevent yourself from swearing, it can actually help you achieve emotional stability.

Ironically enough, when I was writing this, I nearly missed my train stop. And what was the first thing I said???? ‘Oh shit.’