HM

As there is a land for the living, it makes sense there is a land for the dead. Or at least, that was my reasoning. When your parents are both dead, you fully understand the meaning of the word 'alone.'

I've got no one to look up. No one to ask about personal questions. When I bled on my first period, there was no one there to explain to me what was happening. I thought I was dying. But then, I was naive back then. There's no reason for me telling you this, firstly because you won't care and secondly because you don't me and you will never know me. Because I don't even know myself.

I see that, as we're constantly changing, with knew experiences everyday, we are impossible to keep track of. So I gave in trying. Here's a personal philosophy I would like to share with you, sorry if it sounds too Dr. Phil. Anyone who keeps a diary is a fool. At the end of a year, when you read it back you're going to roll your eyes at how naive and self wallowing it all sounds. I know this, because I have done it. And at the end of the year, I hoped it would make me become a better person. I was wrong.

Now we've reached the point of enlightenment let's move on shall we? I have no idea who you are, or where you're from or anything you believe in. And I don't care either. Because for what I am about to tell you, it is completely irrelevant. You are literate, that is the only thing I need you for.

Two nights ago, I tried to kill someone. To say it was an accident would be a lie, so I won't say that. It was perfectly deliberate, not very well rehearsed and basically a complete failure. You see, the way to a man's heart is not through his stomach, it's through his cock. If you can seduce someone, they become yours for a certain time. And in that time is when you have to strike. Tying someone to bed as a form of kinky bondage was not my planned outcome. That was just an interlude.

Unfortunately, post coital he decided he wanted to go to the toilet and I had to let him free. I had the knife planted and everything, it was all going perfectly, and then he needed to piss. In hindsight, I shouldn't have let him go. I should have taped over his mouth and just done it. Come to think of it, I don't know why I didn't?

I'm not a coward. Don't ever think that... but some people make a living through selling ice creams, others through grooming dogs. Personally, I prefer the more lucrative business of hire killings. Assassinations sounds too emphatic and mercy killings is just not right. So I am a hired murderer. Which is why I won't tell you my name. Which is why I won't tell you much about myself that will be true. You should know now that I don't trust you. And I don't want you to trust me.

I am a murderer and that is how I am choosing to define myself. If you don't like it, then stop reading here.