Published March 27, 2014
She's of a cruel disposition
Full of attrition
But I love her condition
And I'm on a mission
We're breaking tradition
I've got the petition
Signed with no omission
And without superstition
I choose my addiction
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137,563 Literary Works • 672,044 Reviews
Hey there! Purple here to give you a review! HAPPY REVIEW DAY! Let's get started.
I actually liked this regardless of the short length and the constant rhyming, both of which are usually pet peeves of mine. I kind of imagined this as a rap. Would you consider emailing this to Snoop Dog if he would do business with you? I'm totally joking. Anyway, what's the main idea behind this poem? That you decided this fate of an addicting person to love? I think you could portray that more through breaking up the rhymes a bit so the pattern is more ABACDC etc instead of AABBCCDD like you have. And filling those new lines with..? Content! Who is this person? Paint a picture for us! Shove emotion down our throats!
I know my reviews can be weird sometimes but I hope this helped
Have a nice day!
~Purple
It did help, thank you. Not *too* a weird a review at all.
Heyo!
This is your fiancée, here to review this work- the first work of three works you posted yesterday. Now this work is similar to other poems you have written, such as The Eye of the Fickle Beholder, in which it paints a mysterious image of an individual. This one, although similar in theme, contrasts in the writing. I can only guess at the meaning of this poem, so I apologise if my interpretations are inaccurate.
To be of a "cruel" disposition, the implication is that one's inner character and personality is cruel and thus evil; not worthy of love. However, despite this, the narrator loves "her condition", the implication and the emphasis on "condition" showing that she is being loved on the basis that she *has* a condition, which is an interesting paradox: to be loved by being cruel.
Hmm, this next bit is a bit harder to understand. The "mission", I assume, is to break tradition, which I can only interpret as traditional love and romance, i.e. being in love with someone for their good qualities. I am not aware or sure of the significance on the "petition", but I will leave this open to interpretation.
The "addiction" in question would be the lady of "cruel disposition". This person is definite- "without superstition" or hesitation- and thus chooses his addiction with "no omission". I like how although the rhymes are the same, it never gets boring; rolls of the tongue
So, overall, another very impressive work hun
Hey BiSF! You've got a lot of works sitting here in the Green Room, so I'll try my best to get them out of here.
I see what you're trying to do with the rhyme scheme here. You're trying to make this poem simple and following a distinct pattern. But the problem is that it doesn't make sense. It's a bunch of lines that rhyme and follow an AA pattern, but the message isn't clear, if there even is a message.
You talk about a girl that, it seems, is in need of some serious loving and the narrator is focused on helping, then you talk about breaking tradition. Well, you've gotta be more specific than that, because there are many traditions that can be broken, and we have no idea which one s/he's talking about in this poem.
Then you talk about a petition. What is this petition needed for? How can it be signed without superstition?
And then you talk of an addiction. What addiction? Drug addiction, sexual addiction, a self harm addiction, an eating addiction, etc.?
Overall, this was a good poem, but it's lacking a purpose behind it. It's confusing and all over the place and generally makes no sense. The rhyme scheme is cute and to be appreciated, but it alone won't do. This poem need smore if it's going to live up to its potential.
Hope that helps!
Hey, it does help.
I think this is a poem that isn't meant to make sense to anyone but the poet, because to mean, it holds a lot of meaning. I want the reader to try and make the meaning in their own head. Or have fun being bewildered. XD
Thanks for the review.