AJT

AJT – ‘I want to tell our story to the world.’

YWS writer, BloodinkSeesFootage gives an exclusive insight into her personal life to all those interested. Speaking about dealing with depression, overcoming bad habits and most importantly: falling in love.

I am sat in a dimly lit room waiting for her to arrive. The curtains are drawn, the floor barely visible. The traditional ‘artist’s studio.’ Piles of paper and notebooks stacked precariously in every corner. Looking around, I am distracted from the entrance of the shadowy figure, dressed all in black, with a hood shrouding her face. A pair of fiery, green eyes and a smiling face greets me.

In the autumn of 2013, BloodinkSeesFootage [formerly known as Bloodink] joined the Young Writers Society. A platform for young creatives to get feedback on their writing and art. Within the short space of a few hours she met the boy who would radicalise her life forever. 567ajt.

What details surround your first meeting?

It was actually a close friend that brought us together. Over the use of my term ‘amaze-balls’ in a review; which I only later became aware was a phrase coined by Perez Hilton.

How would you describe your first impression of him [567ajt]?

He was very open, honest and funny. We shared a similar sense of humour, philosophies on the world and we were from the same country, so shared a lot of cultural references. It developed from there really... we had so much in common. I found him incredibly easy to talk to, almost dangerously so. [laughs] I was telling him things I had never told anyone before. There was immediate trust.

So you quickly became friends?

Absolutely. The bonding process happened astoundingly quickly and it went from there really.

You knew each other for a while before you got together. How did entering a romantic relationship affect you?

I think it made me mature. Here was someone who cared about me, who I cared about and I wanted to make the effort. Hell, I felt like I *needed* to make the effort. Almost like a compulsion.

How would you describe the process in which you two became a couple?

“Complicated. Extremely complicated.”

In the interim, you went through some serious personal issues. How did he [567ajt] impact on these experiences?

It sounds cliché to say he saved me. So I will settle with ‘steadied.’ He gave me a balance, a rational view. He gave me his time and patience and belief. And I love him for it. Because he stuck with me through the shit. And I am talking the shittiest shit there is. And I love him for that.

Could you define what you mean by: ‘the shittiest shit?’

Depression. Mania. Drugs. Drinking. Smoking. Suicide.

That sounds like a lot to deal with.

It was a shitload of stuff to take on. [laughs dryly] And they were all riddled together into one big web of a problem, but he was the constant support through it all. And once he started to see the patterns he could help me with my problems. And the best part is that he wanted to.

Would you describe him [567ajt] as romantic?

[nods] Completely. Definitely. 100%. Although, he probably wouldn’t like to admit it to too many people. The way he talks and writes and the expresses himself physically. He is incredible. Also... he understands intimacy and appropriateness, but also when to break the rules. He makes love incredibly powerful and intoxicating.

In three words, could you summarise his [567ajt’s] character?

Pfft, no! He is far too complex and extraordinary for that. Amaze-balls one might say. Err... it’s just that he exists and: He. Chose. Me. I feel genuinely privileged out of the people in the world; I have the chance to be his girlfriend. And I don’t want to do anything to screw that up.

Out of the two of you... who is more romantic?

That is impossible to answer. Sometimes he initiates more, but it works vice versa too, you know. There’s definite balance between us.

What do you love the most about him [567ajt]?

Just *one* thing!? Well. I am going to cheat here and say, there are three areas of satisfaction from him: mentally, physically and emotionally. So I try and narrow it down to one thing from each category. Physically... his hands. His eyes. His entire body really. But his hands. They are the tool he uses for his talents [writing, playing music] come from. Mentally... honesty and reassurance, he has the uncanny ability to make you feel worth something; and he will always tell you when you’re wrong! And emotionally, I saved this until last ‘cause it’s important. He personifies happiness. When you’re around him. He is just... amaze-balls. He makes me so happy.

Is he [567ajt] the first person you have ever been in love with?

Yes. ‘in love with.’ And there is mammoth difference between loving someone and being *in* love with them.

Can you describe the difference?

Yeah. For me, being *in* love is like being a drug addict. You don’t just want that person. You need them. You become reliant on them. They give you a natural high, your kicks, your source of happiness. And in between spending time with them you just want them even more.

You mentioned drugs and depression as part of the bad personal times you experience recently. I assume, the past tense reference means this has passed?

It’s difficult to say. The medication went ages ago. As for the depression... [pulls face] I don’t want to jinx it. I don’t want to confirm or deny to my subconscious that I am *normal* again. Because I don’t think I was normal to begin with! But I feel better. Definitely.

And is this because of 567ajt?

He played a MAJOR part in it yes. 99% definitely.

What is the other 1% responsible?

Me, replaying thoughts in my head of things he had said to me.

What do you think the alternative would be, as in, if he hadn’t helped you through the darker times?

[pauses] I daren’t think about that. No. I don’t want to imagine where I would have ended up. But I don’t imagine it would have been pretty.

In a previous interview, you described yourself as pessimistic. Are you still this way and does this pessimism impact on your ideas of romance?

That is a huge question! [smiles] Um... yes I was pessimistic. And still am. But a little less so I guess. I think it stems from fear, previous things have gone wrong, so I don’t see what will change now? But even that has started to improve. Thanks to my amaze-balls boyfriend [567ajt].

If you asked me this question a year ago I would have said that romance was dead. Someone changed my mind on that. And I realised, actually, the age of romance is still very much in bloom. If it’s what you want, then all you need is to find the right person.

You and 567ajt have been very open in making your relationship known on the Young Writer’s Society. Why is this?

A form of expression. One of many. [winks] I want him to know I love him. I want to tell our story to the world.

Since your original meeting was online [through YWS] how did you find making the transition to meeting in person?

To be honest... [lets out low whistle] incredibly scary. I wanted to make a good impression. So I spent ages thinking it through, what I would wear, what I would say. But once we were actually doing it... it just felt amaze-balls. The initial nerved wore off and we were left with this amaze-balls feeling.

You have met several [five so far] times since then, how has that progressed?

Incredibly easily. We want to see more and more of each other. I find, each time we meet it gets better and more personal. We do more things and just have fun. There’s the talking and the intimacy and the listening to music. And obviously... just being in his presence; that is the true pleasure. Spending time with someone you are love with. Then it doesn’t matter what you’re doing.

Do you intend to meet up again?

YES! As far as I know, he hasn’t got bored of me yet. [laughs]

Are there any ideas you have of what the future may hold for the two of you?

I hate future questions... ‘cause you just don’t know. But I do know. I want him. I need him. In my life, in whatever capacity. Preferably like what we’ve got right now.

Is there anything you would like him [567ajt] to know?

Nothing I haven’t already taken the liberty of telling him already. Millions of times. Err... [pauses] I love him immensely. He is so considerate, caring, romantic, funny, talented, thoughtful, intriguing, spontaneous, intimate, brave, cultured, honest, creative and just generally amaze-balls that he is difficult to describe. I wish him to have confidence in himself and everything he does. I want to instil that sense of worth and belief in him. I want him to know he is adored.

To finalise, could you pinpoint the highlight of your relationship [with 567ajt] so far?

Apart from our initial meetings [virtual and in person] the times we laugh together; when we read each other’s soppy messages, when we dedicate works to each other, showing affection, talking, eating, breathing. Any activity that we do together. The highlight is him.