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Young Writers Society



The Pastel Unicorn: Horses

by Rei


Emily stayed in her room for the rest of the afternoon. She couldn't stand the thought of facing her mother, and was too miserable to go outside for her backyard party. when she didn't come Ariel came to find out what was wrong.

"I'm sorry, Ariel, but you'll never believe what Mommy's gonna make me do." So she told Ariel about what had happened in the food court.

"That's awful!" Ariel whistled.

"I know. It's gonna be horrible. I don't wanna go, but Mommy says I have to."

"You'll be okay. Now come outside. Chloe is sad that you were not outside." Chloe was a cat who lived in a house down the street, but was allowed outside.

"Okay. Tell Chloe I'm sorry, and I'll come out now."

She opened the door just in time to hear her father come in. She smiled and was about to run down to greet him when he said, "Did you tell her about camp?"

Emily froze at the top of the stairs. Maybe he'll tell Mommy I don't have to go.

"Yeah," her mother sighed.

"What did she say.

"She hasn't come out of her room since we got home. She doesn't want to go."

"Well, then maybe she's not ready. We can't force her to go."

"Mark, this is something that she needs to do. I don't want her hanging around all summer doing nothing. She needs to make friends with real people."

"But if she's not ready--"

"Remember Ariel!" her mother snapped. "She was talking to a bird as if it was a real person! Now I know it's normal for kids her age to have imaginary friends, but if she doesn't do this . . . I'm just worried about what will happen to her when she starts high school."

"That's a long time from now."

"I know, but the sooner we take care of this the better off she'll be."

That was all Emily could listen to her. She ran back up to her room and slammed the door. Daddy's gonna make me go. She picked Owen up off the bed and squeezed him tightly.

She sat on the floor with Owen in her lap. "What am I gonna do, Owen? Daddy doesn't want to make me go, but Mommy always knows how to make him agree with her if she really wants."

Owen said nothing, of course, his shimmering eyes gazing up at her. His mouth, stitched in pink thread, curved in a constant smile that could always lift Emily's spirits above the clouds. Owen was her oldest animal. Her father had won it at a carnival when she was only two. She had loved Owen from the moment she laid eyes on her. Before she could even be asked what toy she wanted, she had pointed to Owen and said, "Dat one!" The game's attendant had laughed because Emily was the sweetest thing.

"Okay," her father had said, "that one."

For more than a year after that, Owen had gone everywhere with her. He was her best friend and only ally. He had even been with her when she started preschool. She'd never understood why she had to go to that place. She'd be doing the exact same thing at home. Whenever the other children invited her to play, she'd decline. Always politely, of course. She felt no desire to be a part of the other children's games. She had created a world that was just for her and Owen.

But then Emily started kindergarten, and her mother wouldn't let Emily bring Owen with her. It was horrible, but in the new school, she had discovered the library and all the worlds other people had created. By the time she had finished grade two, she could read as well as the kids in grade six. Nobody thought there was anything too odd about that. It just made everyone think she was really smart.

It did make the other children jealous of her, though, because the teachers liked her so much. At first, the other children tried to be her friend. But, as she had done in preschool, she politely declined every invitation. After a few weeks, they stopped and only ever invited her to play so they could laugh at her or call her rude for saying no. How saying,"No thank you," with no noticeable tone could be rude, Emily would never understand.

Every once in a while, they got really nasty. Throwing things at her, tossing her lunch and books out the window, or stealing them and telling her that they'd been tossed. Once someone--she didn't know who--had sneaked up behind her and snipped a piece of her hair. When the happened, she didn't care what kind of trouble she'd get in. She ran and hid in the park until school was over.

Thinking of this caused more tears to come to her eyes. How could her mother do this to her? What made her think camp would be any different than school. I'm not going, and she can't make me!

As she thought this, there was a light tapping on her door. Emily refused to respond. The knocking came again. This time when she did not respond, the door opened. She held her breath, sure that it was her mother coming to yell at her for not wanting to go to camp.

"Honey." It was her father who spoke. He didn't come in, just looked in. "Are you okay, Emily?"

She said nothing, looked up and nodded.

Her father's expression turned dark. But it wasn't at all like the disappointed face of her mother, just concerned. He opened the door all the way and sat down. "So tell me what you got at the mall."

Emily turned her eyes back to Owen and listed the things they'd bought. "I didn't want to get the jeans, but now I know why Mommy said we had to get them. You can't wear dresses at camp."

Her father shifted closer and said, "Do you understand why your Mom wants you to go?"

"No, and I don't care. I'm not going."

"Do you think it's going to be like at school?" When Emily said nothing, her father took out the broshure. "Take a look at this. I'm sure you'll find something you'll like that you can't do here."

Emily glanced at the broshure and looked away. "I already looked at it.'

"But did you read it? It's a small broshure. They can't fit a picture of everything there is to do there."

Reluctantly, she took the broshure and scanned the lists of events and activities. Most of them seemed stupid of pointless. But then she spotted something of interest. "Horseback riding," she whispered. She glanced up at her father with a faint smile.

"Yeah." He put his arm around Emily's shoulders. "Wuddaya say? Is it worth going for the horses?"

Emily's smile brightened. "Okay. I'll go."

(This time I managedto type the whole chapter at once. Chapter four will be posted in a few days.)


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31 Reviews


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Fri Aug 12, 2005 10:25 pm
Akisha wrote a review...



Let me see...I can't really think of any faults with it apart from the ones already mentioned. It's good but Its not [i]brilliant[/i]. It didn't really grab my attention, Its not my kind of thing but that's just my opinion. Sorry If i sound really negative! O:) [/i]




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Fri Aug 12, 2005 4:10 am
Sam wrote a review...



Emily is awesome, I'll give you that. I love the way you do her voice. She's so innocent, it makes you sad...woah, okay, Sam had better leave now before I babble on and on forever. :P




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Fri Aug 12, 2005 3:54 am
Snoink wrote a review...



"I know, but the sooner we take care of this the better off she'll be."


Interesting. These parents seem based on my own. And Emily seems a lot like me. :P

But! That is not why I pointed out the sentence. A comma needs to be there.

"I know, but the sooner we take care of this, the better off she'll be."

"Daddy doesn't want to make me go, but Mommy always knows how to make him agree with her if she really wants."


Perhaps this is only a matter of my taste, but I would rather have the sentence go like this:

"Daddy doesn't want to make me go, but Mommy always knows how to make him agree with her."

It's a little bit more simplistic, and it seems a little bit more in character. To me, anyway. ;)

Reluctantly, she took the broshure and scanned the lists of events and activities. Most of them seemed stupid of pointless. But then she spotted something of interest. "Horseback riding," she whispered. She glanced up at her father with a faint smile.

"Yeah." He put his arm around Emily's shoulders. "Wuddaya say? Is it worth going for the horses?"

Emily's smile brightened. "Okay. I'll go."


It seems a little bit too quick in this part. Her smile brightens. But I would have her muse over the brochure again, bite her lip, until finally looking at her father again, her face brightening. This is the moment of truth! Don't let it go by too quickly.

And... close, but no cigar. It's brochure.




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42 Reviews


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Fri Aug 12, 2005 2:11 am
Hope says...



Yeah I like it. You made a couple of errors like captalizing and spelling like Sureal wrote, but I like it alot.




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506 Reviews


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Mon Aug 08, 2005 12:46 pm
Sureal wrote a review...



Another chapter :).

The only problem with this (for me) is really the spelling mistakes. But as it's clear what the words are anyway, it's no major problem :).


Looking forward to chapter four 8).





akdsjfh you know that feeling where you start writing a scene but then you get bored with the scene so you move on and start writing a different scene and then you get bored with that scene so you move on to an entirely different WIP and then you get bored with that so you move on-
— AceassinOfTheMoon