The Human Side of Things (expanded and revised)

Not bad it was a great a great story but to easy to get bored oh well that all 9/10 well done

Great opening!! Really draws you in, and I instantly felt so involved in the story. The style was hardly unique but it was somehow different and I really enjoyed that. But as someone said, it is easy to lose interest. I also feel that the realization of magic involved was very awkwardly done. I felt the the pixies could've been introduced much more tactfully. Nevertheless, it was certainly enjoyable and I would rate it a definite 8/10.
Hope I helped.

Shameless bump.

That was kind of the point. It's supposed to be surreal. Besides, you try responding properly to any insult but the last one when they're being thrown at you one after the other. It doesn't work.

If you'll read the entire thing, you'll realize that she didn't get everything she wanted. In fact, that couldn't be farther from the truth. The conflict was not, "How do I get them to stop bullying me?" It was, "How does one deal with the hardships of being human without losing that humanity?"

After the pixies came I started to lose interest.

I mean, what is the point of the story if the protagonist gets everything she wants handed to her on a silver platter? It is okay, if you are writing for six year old girls (boys in general tend to get bored if there isn't some explosion/battle or quest in regular intervals.)

Also, what is with this?

And there was a chorus of laughter and insults.

"That girl's not just weird, she's mental."

"Did you see her eyes?"

"Yeah. Who has eyes like that?"

"Ha ha! She's so small."

"What is she, like three years old?"

"She must weigh only ten pounds."

"I do not!" I shouted. And that only made them laugh even more. "Shut up!" And then the tears came in buckets. My knees gave way, and I trembled uncontrollably.