The child stood there gazing at the sapphire field. His eyes were gleaming with mad curiosity. His arms dangling carelessly by his sides, he looked around with his mouth open wide. He walked slowly towards a sapphire bush, tried to touch it. The moment he did so, it vanished. It was gone and there was a deep cut on the little boy’s palm. He squirmed in pain, wondering where he was.
He clutched his hand and walked on. He saw a golden figure appear before him. He wasn’t quite sure of what to do, so he moved towards it. His head throbbed with pain, he felt a pinching sensation all over his skin. His heart was now racing. He was feeling drawn towards the golden thing. It was simply graceful, elegant, magnificent, with irresistible pulchritude. It seemed harmless and beautiful. He wanted to feel it. He stretched out his good hand, and touched it. It vanished, and his hand was now burnt. He felt a rush of adrenaline inside him. He wanted to get out of this beautiful but vain place.
This place reminded him of the Fox and the Sour Grapes story. His mother read this to him every night, but it wasn’t so harsh, so painful.
He sat on the ground and sobbed. Just then the ground underneath him gave away, and he finally woke up from this nightmare.
He sighed with relief and sat up straight in his bed. But then he realized, the pain hadn’t gone. He looked at his hands, one cut and the other burnt. His eyes were wide open with horror. He started sweating and his stomach flipped over. He looked around, wildly turning his head at mad angles.
And then he spotted it. The golden figure, glowing and glowering.
It had followed him out of his nightmare, just like the injuries.
What was it.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,558 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Hello this is my first review so it might be a little sloppy...
This was an AMAZING story and I loved it. You used wonderful imagery and your story seemed to flow really well. It was like a song and you never skipped a beat! I just have a few questions: How old was the boy? What made him so drawn to the figure? and How many other stories have you written because I'd love to read them!
P.S. I love the originality and uniqueness of your story!!! It's not like anything I've ever read!
Thank you so much, and I'm glad you gave me your first review. Well, the boy was a little kid, say around 5 or something. And yes, I've written many other stories
Ok thanks!
Heya, Reet3103! Happy Easter!
Wow. Your writing is amazing. That first paragraph was delightful to read and no matter how hard I searched, I couldn't find anything that could be improved. Your are really great at writing descriptions and perfect imagery.
It vanished, and his hand was now burnt.
My only nitpick is that I'd like to know if the boy felt pain when his hand was burnt. Otherwise, there's nothing else to correct in this piece.
This was really a pleasure to read. Nightmares are typical short story topics, but you made the plot interesting and unique. Nice job!
Happy Easter to you too
well of course, he felt pain, I might've missed it. Thank you though 
You're welcome.
Hey Reet3103! I read through this, and I can understand the story, however, I don't understand the meaning. For example, why was there a bush? Why was it sapphire? Why did it vanish? This piece is great in the regard that I'll be left thinking about it for a long time afterwards - this is probably intended, but I can't make much sense of it. Your actual writing was great though, I can't see any errors in spelling or punctuation.
Nitpick: You should include a question mark after 'What was it' in both the title and the end of the story.
Why did the boy feel compelled to touch the figure, after he had just been cut by the last thing that he had tried to touch? It just seems ironic - in most nightmares, the child would run away from the mysterious figure. I also felt that you could have made a slightly longer, more effective description of the golden figure - in the lines that we have, all we learn is that is beautiful and harmless. What about it makes it seem harmless? Perhaps include the body language of the figure, or perhaps the size of it. I understand that it is written in a dreamworld, where things 'just happen', but it's a bit irritating to the reader (obviously this is just my own opinion).
I hope this wasn't too harsh, but I feel this story has a lot more potential. It seems very rushed.
Lupin.
Haha I understand. There isn't supposed to be a question mark after "what was it" because it is a statement. I usually write stuff so people can interpret and widen their scopes too. The boy was a little kid, so he was obviously attracted to beautiful things. Curiosity basically. Like how we sometimes do things we aren't supposed to, out of curiosity. And in his nightmare, he was lost, so he made rushed decisions and didn't think twice. Readers need to use their heads too right? xD Anyways, thank youuuu