He stood there, shirtless, in front of the mirror. His tired eyes suggested blithe wasn’t in his soul right now. He had high cheek bones, prominent jaw, green eyes and brown, tousled hair. Tall, with an amazingly perfect tanned body. Beautiful.
His secret was out now, the secret he wanted to hide for the rest of his life. The secret that now made him a freak in the world’s bewildered eyes. He wanted to let go, he wanted to be free, not constrained. He wanted to feel every inch of the wind lashing at his sides.
He was tired, tired of running away from the truth. He wanted to accept the reality now. He wanted to show the world that he wasn’t a freak, he was unique. He wanted to relieve himself of a burden. The burden of hiding his speciality, his identity, his beautiful truth.
Now the world knew about it. They saw it during an outburst. Anger triggered the secret to come out. He wasn’t afraid anymore, he was free now.
He clawed at his body wildly. Wildly, but gently. Sunlight poured into the room, everything seemed brighter. His heart started pounding crazily. He shut his eyes tightly and felt every muscle of his back relax, expand. He bent back with his arms open wide, his eyes now alert and gleaming.
The crazy moment now came to a rest. He stared at himself in the mirror. Two black wings, attached to his back, so beautiful, so perfect. He tilted his head and smiled, he laughed like a child. His eyes welled up with tears.
He turned towards the window. His shadow, now with new elements, stood beside him. He stood on the window sill and jumped. He now felt the wind cut across his face, his body. He felt something unexplainable. His extensions worked automatically and beautifully. He now felt he was complete. He was perfect.
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139,534 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Hi. This is my first time to leave a review.
It's so catchy. I think it would be a great story.
Reader's would probably asked for more because it will make them curious on what he really is.
I'll probably read this until the end. I hope that you will keep up your work. It's amazing seriously. I don't know why but it made me read it until the end.
Hey thanks.
And welcome to YWS. Have a great time 
Hi. This is my first time to leave a review.
It's so catchy. I wanted to read it until the end.
It made me curious tho on what he really is. I really liked it.
Wow, this is a great piece, very descriptive. The first paragraph was a great hook. You might want to clarify some things though, like was he an angel, demon, or avenging angel. Also, I picture a teenager of about 17 when I read this. Definitely think you should write a prologue to this if you haven't already, I'm going to check your profile now
Thank You
The identity was left to the readers to interpret, something I left open to all
Wow, this is a great piece, very descriptive. The first paragraph was a great hook. You might want to clarify some things though, like was he an angel, demon, or avenging angel. Also, I picture a teenager of about 17 when I read this. Definitely think you should write a prologue to this if you haven't already, I'm going to check your profile now
Hello, I'm Ashkitten and I'm here to review your short story. I'm going to start off by telling you what I think needs improvement and then I will talk about what I liked about the story.
Looking at your body of work so far, I'm going to say that writing stories looks like it comes more natural to you than writing poetry. However, I'm not here to discuss your body of work I'm here to discuss this specific piece, so here I go. First paragraph
I'd like the flow better if you said "a prominent jaw" instead of just "prominent jaw"
And "He was beautiful" instead of just "beautiful" Beautiful is a word not a sentence, and I believe that word flow and sentence structure is very important in a short story.
Next paragraph that needs work is
He was unique should be its own sentence, or you can add the word that to it so that it connects better. So it reads
He was tired, tired of running away from the truth. He wanted to accept the reality now. He wanted to show the world that he wasn’t a freak, and that he was unique. He wanted to relieve himself of a burden. The burden of hiding his speciality, his identity, his beautiful truth.
But also in that the last sentence is not a complete sentence. The burden of hiding his speciality, his identity, his beautiful truth.
Speciality means specialty or skill so I think the word was used out of context. I think you meant to describe how special and unique he was. There's a difference in the word connotation. So I'd just get out a thesaurus and find a word meaning the actual word you are going for.
Next paragraph that needs work is
The sentence wildly, but gently. Is not a full sentence. You could take out the extra "wildly" add a comma and that sentence would make a lot more sense.
He clawed at his body wildly, but gently.
However the other problem I have is the contradiction in the sentence, if you claw at something it suggests a wildness and nothing about it reads gentle. So to add the word gently, makes me a little agitated because I can't quite picture what you are trying to convey here, and I have had such a wonderful picture in my mind up until then. You could play with the words more, I think the word clawed and wildly together are what makes the word gently so hard to believe. Wildly and gently can be paired together and it would still help me see the picture, and clawed and gently could also achieve the same thing but when you combine all 3 words, it just tips the scale on the amount of roughness and doesn't work for me. I do kinda see at what you are trying to convey that his hands were moving around his skin wildly but he was gentle enough not to hurt himself, but if that is the objective it wasn't clear enough for me.
Sunlight poured into the room, and everything seemed brighter. Or
Sunlight poured into the room. Everything seemed brighter.
Would be better sentences than the run on sentence that it currently is.
I think you need an "and" before expand. Again you need to connect the two parts of the sentence or it just throws off the flow with the sentence structure. The same thing happens with the next two paragraphs so I'm not going to point it out because I think by now you get the point.
Also I'd really like to see a bit more character development. What is the moment of realization for him? When does he go from sad, and ashamed to proud and carefree. Why? I need that in order to connect to the character throughout the story and travel with him through these emotions. I'm still stuck on the rejected feeling. I feel like it's important to get a reader to follow through with every emotion and in order for that to happen, you have to give them some answers on why they are feeling each and every emotion. What I like to do is to create a little diagram of each we motion and then what caused each emotion so that I can achieve that element in my story. Not all characters need that, but definitely the main character and since this boy is the only character, it definitely needs that. Also I'd love to know a little more about him, I got his description but no name? I feel that also cuts me off from the character and even just a name could add so much more depth to his character.
Also please describe the flashback in more detail, of why he felt angry and how it ended up happening that he showed his secret to everyone. Was he being teased for something else? Was he reacting to something someone said...that part needs more meat to it. It's ok to be detailed and descriptive in a short story. That's actually the point. To tell a full story with lots of detail, in less words than a full story. I think you can achieve this with just a bit more work.
So that's it for the critique part, now onto what I liked.
I love the title. It was simple yet mysterious, and caught my eye, and made me want to read the story. I wanted to know what the secret was, and what made it beautiful. People overlook titles sometimes and to me that's your first and only chance to capture the reader's attention and make them want to read it. So bravo on that. You got my attention with the title, and then as I'm thrown into this story, im immediately captivated by the main character and I immediately empathize with him. What is his burden? Why is he so down?
Then the secret is re-introduced into the story and I remember from the title that, is the reason I wanted to read it. I love the thought process behind the story, and the mystery and intrigue. You are a great short story writer and I consider this story to be a rare gem out of the stories I have read and reviewed so far on here. I hope you delve deeper into this story and really pull out the nuggets that will make this story flawless and it truly is a beautiful story!!! And I look forward to reading more of your work.
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Yesss thank you so much!!!
Okay, I'm somewhat confused.
Is he an angel? A demon? A sort of were-bird? Or perhaps I'm not supposed to know...
It's well written, the description was well done, showing us a beautiful human and then telling us that something he'd wanted to keep a secret- his most precious secret- was out.
I feel like you told me the secret, through his wings, but I still don't understand it. I wonder if that was intentional, but, if I missed something, please tell me.
Also, this felt a lot like poetry, in a good way of course. It was interesting and kept me reading the whole way through. I feel like the only two things to be done is to be less vaque and possible expand.
~Authorian
Well, the reader is supposed to interpret what the person is. He could be an angel, a demon, an anything, its upto the readers. That was an option I kept open. Thanks though
Alright, so the point was to paint the picture of someone whose secret was revealed, and it caused them to do something drastic. I see, it was interesting and engaging to read!
Thank you so much
A short story is not supposed to be vague. Poems can be but short stories are the telling of a story. The vagueness loses the reader in the story. A short story isn't meant to be left up to interpretation, whereas a poem has that luxury.
Short stories are whatever the writer wants them to be friend.
AGREED Authorian.
Psst, you saved me from being lashed. Ty
No problem friend
Writing is categorized based on intent. A short story isn't just a bunch of words to create paragraphs. The intent is to tell a story, whether you agree with me or not, that is indeed the definition of a short story. If you would like to look up the definition Miriam-Webster defines it as a story with a fully developed theme but significantly shorter and less elaborate than a novel. I'm just trying to help. Writing is a form of art, yes and we are free to write whatever we choose, however impressionist art can't be classified as surrealism just as a story without a fully developed theme can not be considered a short story. Not 1 published piece of work in history was called a short story a left the theme underdeveloped for the readers interpretation.
And left the theme underdeveloped* is what I meant to say
Hi Ashkitten83, i get what you are trying to say here, but I also write really vague short stories, and sometimes, vague is really good, it leaves the rest of the story up to the reader, and makes many interpretations work, which is good. Also vague is a good way to express emotion.
The rest of the story yes, but not the story given. The reader can come up with there own ending, but as for them to come up with the whole story...that's not a short story. It's just not.
wth okay, Biluata agreed, Ashkitten83 half-agreed. My story was not completely up to the readers to interpret, I gave a lot of structure and content and only the secret was the part left to the readers to interpret. Because everyone has the freedom of imagination, and if I'd have concluded it with what the person was, expectations would've been shattered. You see what I mean??
Perhaps a short story 'should' be more structured than this, but this is a complete, critique ready work if literary measure. Therefore, it meets the qualifications to be posted on this site. Where else would Reet have put it? It's not a poem, not a chapter, but you know what it is? A story that is fairly short and tells the reader about what happened in the story to the extent given by the narrator.
Oh yes. Got that point. Wait, are we debating via comments? xD
A Short story is just a way of the writer putting the reader in his ink hereby giving them the decision to conclude on what they deem fit as the perfect end.
Oh yay. I have majority.
And that's sorta true.