Published April 16, 2010
Adrelle
Her cloak flowed behind her, a cascade of black over the cobblestone road. The sky was gold, now, with orange streaks. She would have to wait until nine, then, it was too light to finish the job. The light would reveal her for what she was.
The Spanish arcitecture loomed above her. The tan, rough stone and dramatic archways seemed to be tauting her, daring her to try. The very stone seemed to know she wouldn't be able toescape. No one had escaped the Deamon Ink, why should she? Adrelle wouldn't be able to do it.
Adrelle was one of the last descendents of Dyisis and Ryu. Kier knew they couldn’t kill the girl, but they had to let her believe they could. They had to keep her believing so she didn’t realize how much value she had to them. She was one of the last who could use the Dragon Heart pennant. They hadn’t forced her to use it yet, but had given it to her. It hung, even now, safe around her neck. She hadn’t taken it off, under strict order from Delano.
Delano leads the Demon Ink. The Demon Ink was a group with one obvious, challenging and evil goal. Rule the world.
To do this they would need the descendents of the only ruling family in all of Ivy Spire, until the Dark Times. After that, no one ruled. Some people tried, but everyone failed. Now the world was full of evil, except for the few lights in the world.
The lights were in some way related to Dyisis or Ryu. But only the direct descendents were able to use the necklace. The pale children often banded together for protection, because everyone wanted to capture them. Most wanted them all killed, but a rare few wanted to protect them. Still others wanted them for use of the necklace. There were only three known people, though, who could use the necklace. Most people had the opinion that all the Pales should die, and so the Pales hid away.
They never came out at night, because the light of their skin would give them away. While normal people’s darker skin absorbed light, the Pales’ skin reflected it like silver. Being pale became a curse, a life doomed to solitude or with people only like you.
Unless you were caught.
Adrelle had been caught, and had made several escape attempts. None of them were successful. She was stuck with the Demon Ink, condemned to a life of serving them, unless she could get away. The Ink lived off of lead and mercury, as did all the Darks, and The Ink had to get special food for her. Pale food, they called it.
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Hi RedSun
I really, really like this prologue and I think that the rest of the story will be brilliant if it is the same as this post.
I saw nothing wrong but I would advise a re-read just in case something does not get picked up by any other reviewer, plus, it is a good habit to get into.
Can you pm me when you post more?
midnightread
Hey RedSun!

Right now, this piece tries to explain itself too much. I realize that this is a fantasy world of sorts, so it's necessary to introduce the reader to this world, but I would rather be introduced to this world by being thrown in an awesome action scene! It's kind of like this question: would you rather read a book on how to learn Spanish or would you rather live in Spain for several months, absorbing the language and experience yourself? Yes, you would learn the same amount of knowledge, as far as Spain and the Spanish culture. But it would just be so much more exciting the other way!
Make your story start with an adventure. It'll feel that much fuller then.
Oh, I like this. I mean it's very intersting:) I can't to read more (love the idea for the story:)....It's realy interesting...