Published January 16, 2010
Upon our first touch of lips,
all the doubts stowed in my mind,
your skin confined to my finger's tips,
but still my doubts to hide behind.
-
As I hid you divulged,
with each word a qualm was purged,
and now I have nowhere to hide,
standing proudly by your side.
-
Now with all my doubts dispersed,
I carefully write you a free verse.
How emotions ricochet,
rearing elation per a day.
-
From when our eyes did first converge,
my hearts continued on its surge,
feeling no need to impede,
It's ever amplifying speed.
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141,376 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
. Something is amiss here. It's a tad bit off. Awkward as they say.
Okay. Your rhyme is okay. I didn't like it too much but it wasn't terrorible so nice job.
Over all it was okay, I liked it, sort of.(Another love you, you know how it is.)
Good luck, keep writing.
Silented1.
There was a lot of forced rhyming, but poems can always be fixed. The rhythm is also a bit mixed around. Good luck
Ooh, pretty! Hey Smiles!
I like this, especially the rhyming pattern, I think it has a good rhythm. Good job, I really liked it, I think it's very well written! Although, I had to read it twice to really get the meaning of it, (but I'm not really a poem expert anyway.)
Good Job, and keep writing!
~Mo.