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That One Feeling

by RedHoodWriter


Do you ever get that feeling? The one after the best night in your life? The one that doesn’t want the night end? That you want the night to continue on forever. That maybe one more minute would unlock something unexpected. Something totally unexpected that the whole world spins as you realized that you never want to leave that moment in time. That you could do whatever it was to freeze time where it was. That your happiness could last you a lifetime, that nothing could make you feel bad. And you begin to let go of the past, to let go of all the hate. You let go of all the sadness, and the pain. You breathe in deep in what feels like the first time in forever. You let the happiness rush over you and you are on cloud nine. You have the best time of your life, that is, until the clock strikes twelve. Until the time were you leave, knowing that no experience you had tonight could last till the next day. That you find yourself in an embrace not wanting to leave, clinging to them. hoping for them to save you from the darkness that begins to surround you. That they begin to squeeze even harder back knowing what you are feeling, for their own black shadow begins to swallow them whole. But you stay locked together, whether it be by a simple embrace, or locking your fingers in with one another. As you hold on tight to what you think you have. For you don’t realize yet but the one thing you hold onto will cause such a change in your life. That the person you cling to will save you, teach you things you never thought in a million years you could do. That this is your last ray of hope that shines through the dark. and if this bond ever break you two will bring light into each others world once again. you will always be there for the force holding you together is no longer by the hands, but it is by your hearts. That even when you don’t physically see each other you know the other is there. There to catch you when you fall, to help you get back up on your feet, and to be the one building you back up to try again. To know that head over heels feeling you attain, is just a sign showing you that you are finally doing something right. That there is a possibility for true happiness, that someone cares about you. Not just how you look, but how you think, how you are, and how you are going to be later on. That they won’t stop caring. EVER. they will be there through the end just to show that they care. You don’t know where this will lead, but if I had to give any advice I would tell you to dive into life. To explore your possibilities, so you know how great your life can be. All you have to do is get up and try.


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Sun Feb 12, 2017 7:48 am
DrLavender wrote a review...



Hey there! I read your piece and enjoy it thoroughly! Here's a few notes I took which I feel could potentially help you out.

The one that doesn’t want the night end? That you want the night to continue on forever. That maybe one more minute would unlock something unexpected.


Alright, so for the first sentence in this I would add "to" between night and end. As for the other two sentences, it was a bit awkward from my experience to have asked a series of questions and then instantly changed to statements. I feel like these two could serve better as questions rather than statements.

That you could do whatever it was to freeze time where it was.


I would suggest to remove "where it was" in the end. It sounds a bit wordy and adds redundancy.

You let go of all the sadness, and the pain.


Ah, the first time I can make a suggestion for parallelism! In your previous sentence, you said "And you begin to let go of the past, to let go of all the hate," and this had parallelism because you said "let go of" when you referenced to the past and to all the hate. However, in the sentence I cited, you didn't. I would recommend on rewording it to say "You let go of all the sadness, and of all the pain". It adds a bit of consistency.

You breathe in deep in what feels like the first time in forever.


Alright, a bit of an overkill with the word "in". Perhaps instead of saying "deep in", say "deeply".

Until the time were you leave, knowing that no experience you had tonight could last till the next day.


You'll want to use "where" instead of "were" in this case. Aside from that, fantastic line!

That you find yourself in an embrace not wanting to leave, clinging to them. hoping for them to save you from the darkness that begins to surround you.


Just a minor note here, and that would be to capitalize "hoping".

As you hold on tight to what you think you have.


I feel this sentence would work better without "As".

That this is your last ray of hope that shines through the dark. and if this bond ever break you two will bring light into each others world once again. you will always be there for the force holding you together is no longer by the hands, but it is by your hearts.


Alright, a few notes here. Maybe instead of saying "that shines", perhaps saying "shining" instead? I would also recommend capitalizing "and" after the sentence. I would also reword "and if this bond ever break" to "and if this bond were to ever break". Also, "each others" needs an apostrophe after the s as it shows possession! I would also capitalize "you" and add a comma after "there". Lastly, I would omit "it" from "but it is by your hearts".

That even when you don’t physically see each other you know the other is there.


I'd add a comma between "other" and "you".

EVER. they will be there through the end just to show that they care.


A minor note - capitalize "they" after "EVER".

You don’t know where this will lead, but if I had to give any advice I would tell you to dive into life.


I would suggest a comma between "advice" and "I".

Alright, and that concludes my review! I'm really sorry if it seems harsh and criticizing. I just think it would be a disservice to see any errors and not voice them out loud. You gave a fantastic message and wrote it beautifully. I honestly had a good time reading this, and it caught my interest. I even learned a thing or two from it. I hope you'll take my advice under consideration and I really hope to see more from you!




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Sun Feb 12, 2017 5:27 am
Aleta says...



I have to agree with the cliche thing..




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Sun Feb 12, 2017 4:19 am
Steggy wrote a review...



Hello, Steggy here for a short review. I'm on my phone so forgive me for any sort of autocorrected stuff.
supposed​
The main theme of this story, I suppose, almost too sudden and fitting for a cliche. But every feeling, to me anyway, we have is a cliche. In this case, you do a nice job of explaining a feeling I'm sure everyone has felt or will feel later on. If I could suggest one thing, it would be to try to expand this into a story or novel idea and give it some form of plot. It has that sort of feeling for, if the main character for example, is going on with their life, but come across tiny surprises in the future.

Another thing I would suggest is paragraph breaks because it is hard to figure out where I left off at or where I began at. Also perhaps add some description in some places because it all feels like a giant cliche block of text. When you add description, it is kinda of a bridge between your imagination and the text. It gives the reader something to imagine as they are reading, for example, having your crush say yes to you when you ask them out. That type of thing.

Overall, this was a nice reading. Just be wary of your cliches. You don't want to overdo it with them; add it when you think it should be needed.

If you have any questions, let me know!

Steggy





Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.
— Mark Twain