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Religion's impacts, and my reasons for my omnism(An essay hopefully better than it's title).

by RedHeathen


Religion's impacts, and my reasons for my omnism.

An Essay by RedHeathen. 

This would be my first writing piece on here, I hope it is a good start. I don't want to get into a religious debate on my own naiveté, I just want to know what you all think on my writing style, skill, and the concept and message. Just not my own stupidity. 

Omnism is the recognition and respect of all religions; those who hold this belief are called omnists (or Omnists).

Firstly, I just realized the title of this essay sounds like a headline to a tabloid article. "How I sold my baby to a Rabbi", would do just as well. So I apologize for the mislead. Hopefully the essay is better than the title.

Secondly, I want to establish my opinion on religion. I greatly disagree with those saying it is a bad thing. Self destructive, yes. Lead to death? Many times. But religion is belief, and belief gives hope, and hope? Motivation to make progress. I think that hope is beneficial to us all, and I find anyone who says otherwise not only has a lack of hope, but an abundance of cynicism. Hope keeps us going into the face of danger, it makes us brave, it upholds morals, and keeps us honorable. Without hope, we are reckless cowards and narcissists. 

Our beliefs are funny though. We recognize them, rely on them. Occurrences to us that are improbable, we recognize as a hand played by our gods. Just random occurrences. We are blessed when a car misses us, when we nearly get shot, we are blessed and thank the powers that be. We are thankful for them giving us what we have and we will stay strong for them. We abide for them. 

But why am I an omnist? Why do I not believe in one singular God or pantheon? Well, I believe that faith is what matters. What we have faith in plays a hand in our life. An atheist never has a divine occurrence, because they do not choose to perceive something as such. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as you love your life nonetheless. The religious man chooses to see these random occurrences as divine, and when it comes to faith, you see when you choose to believe, as it only happens when you're willing to do both. Is it delusional? Maybe. But that puts a negative twist on it. Have faith in life, have faith in everything, good, bad, and prepare for it, but Gods, please savor it. 

I have faith in what people believe in. I have faith in everything that may or may not be, and all that is. And I have faith in you all. Thanks for reading.

-Red


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Wed Jul 05, 2017 4:45 pm
midnightdreary wrote a review...



Hi! I think you expressed your ideas in a mature manner, especially since you didn't go bashing anyone else with a different opinion.
I usually review poetry, but I'm trying out reviewing other areas of literature now. Also, I'm just a high school student, so a lot of these critiques will be things that a teacher would probably also say. Sorry if that's not what you were looking for. That being said, let's get into the review.

First, there are just some style things I want to mention. If you're writing a formal essay, don't use conjunctions, because they are associated with the writer being immature and inexperienced. Also doing this just makes you sound smarter somehow.
The other thing is you should avoid asking questions in your essay. The questions you ask are immediately answered and therefore don't serve much of a purpose. Try changing them into statements instead.

Next thing is the third paragraph. First off, you should divide the "we are blessed when a car misses us" sentence into two where the comma is. The idea you're trying to put across is a little cloudy to me. Yeah, we believe that some higher power is protecting us in these occurrences. I'm unsure of how this paragraph strengthens your argument.

This brings me to the third thin, which is your thesis. Every essay needs a thesis. You obviously have an idea that you're trying to prove, but you haven't stated it clearly at the beginning. So, what are you trying to prove in this piece of writing?

Lastly, try to avoid using weak adjectives such as "good" and "bad". Using strong adjectives can get people to pay more attention to you.

Also, your first paragraph is super funny. "How I sold my baby to a Rabbi". If you want your title to sound less tabloid-esque, try to avoid using first person language and keep the title short.

I truely enjoyed reading and reviewing your essay. I hope this helped!




RedHeathen says...


I am really happy you enjoyed it! I will stick to avoiding conjunctions (see? I am doing it right now!) and I will go for more juicy adjectives! Thank you!



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Wed Jul 05, 2017 9:01 am
Kaylaa wrote a review...



This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review on an early morning! Hi there, Red, and welcome to YWS! For starters, if you ever have any questions, don't be afraid to ask me or any other names in green or red. Without further ado, let's jump right into the review!

You're asking for critique that involves more constructive criticism on the essay than on the ideas of the essay, I've found, so I'll do that. Let's start off by saying that I found this essay, while the concept of an article from the perspective of someone who believes in Omnism are interesting, that isn't enough to support the whole writing here. I suppose that this is more of a personal essay since this outlines your beliefs and why you believe in them. That much is fair here, I admit. What I wanted more out of this is organization and structure, something I find to be rather crucial when attempting to prove a point or get a message across to the reader when writing an essay like this.

That being said, what's the point of this? That's an aspect that I thought could've used clarity or a restating near the end of this. I don't believe that the title is completely accurate here since this tends to focus more on Omnism than it does the impacts of religion. At least, there is so much more that can be expanded on when talking about the topic. In fact, the possibility of a completely different essay solely based on the subject matter is something I can see happening. What I'm not a fan of here is the lack of detail or depth that you don't seem very willing to go into.

Most of this is based on the tactic of pathos and we're not left with logos and ethos all that much here. While I find that ethos isn't needed here, logos, or logic, should be implemented throughout to make this more of a solid argument. We get the emotion and opinion of this, that's for sure. Taking a focus more on the structure here and using that more intentionally for a stronger effect. We only get the reasoning of why you're an Omnist at the last paragraph, which is usually when the central idea is being wrapped up in an essay more than anything else. The flow here with the sentence structure could've been stronger, so I suggest reading this aloud to see where the awkward wordings are.

While the ideas here are solid, I wanted this to be more in-depth and to go into more detail. If you have any questions though, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day.

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RedHeathen says...


Thanks so much for your review! I agree with you, I need to work on structuring my writing more and adding more detail, or else it becomes all muddled. Looking on this piece again, it was maybe my worst actually, and definitely not my best. It's my first piece though, and I hope I can improve. Thanks so much!



Kaylaa says...


Glad the review helped! c:




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— Francis Bacon