Published August 22, 2012
Descending from a top of a large oak tree, a lilliputian red leaf was slowly falling towards the ground, joining many others that rested on the earth below. A gentle breeze on an autumn day, pushed the hair out of James eyes, clearing his view for a moment, but then the hair quickly fell back into its untidy place, slightly blocking his dark eyes.
The sun shined brightly on a Saturday afternoon as two small children, both of the age of eight, played a game of tag. “You can’t get me”, James yelled as he ran over a small hill crest. His feet tapped against the ground lightly as he ran.
“Oh yes I can”, Julia added as she chased after him in a large field that was covered by tall, untrimmed grass, over looking a large forest. The sun glistened magnificently onto the field and partly blinded James as he fled from Julie, leafs crunching under their feet as they ran.
“Ah!!” James cried out laughing as she began to get closer to him, she was only feet away from tagging him, her arm fully extended. He made a sharp turn and began running towards the forest. He jumped over a log and then ran into the tree line. Julie remained on his heels. The two ran threw the forest nimbly. He had several encounters when he almost went face first into a tree but he was ready. Dodging a tree and leaping over a rock, he felt something on his back
“Gotcha”, Julia shirked, with her arm fully extended while she tagged James on the back. Suddenly, as she touched him, James tripped and slammed on the ground and tumbled down a small, unforgiving hill and slowly came to a stop on his chest, his face implanted in the grass and dirt that laid below it. Julia stopped running and went to James aid and asked in a very concern voice “are you all right?”
James, whose head was still implanted in the ground, didn’t respond for a second and then he stated laughing and looked over at Julia and, said “tag you’re it” as he tapped her arm. After he tagged her, he got up and ran off. Julia got up, feeling very fooled and chased after him with new found determination.
His leg seemed to be slightly sore because of his fake fall and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to out run Julie. With luck, James noticed a small, red shed in the near distance, covered in earth. As he approached the shed, he noticed the poor condition it was in, the paint was peeling; vegetation was thriving all around it in an effort to consume the shed fully.
Ignoring his observations, he grabbed the handle and with a bit of effort he swung the door open with a long dull creak. A cloud of dust hit him in the face, causing his vision to blur. He coughed as he engulfed the dust, but nether the less he went into the decaying shed. As he closed the door, he painfully regretted the action with a steadfast realization. Submerged in darkness, the unforgiving sense of fear soaked over him. His location and surroundings were uplifted from him.
Unable to see, he extended his arms, hoping his sense of touch would guide him. The darkness began to take hold as a sense of fear overwhelmed him, he was done playing. “Julie, open the door, you win,” he cried in fright.
Nothing happened, he remained in darkness, alone in the void. “Julie” James shouted louder, “open the door. I can’t see!”
“I can’t” Julie shouted in return from the outside, “the door… it’s stuck.” If James thought he was afraid before, he couldn’t describe what he was feeling now. Trapped like an animal, his heart raced. He turned around trying to feel for the door, but as he did, he felt a sharp pain on the palm of his hand. With his finger tips, he felt the warm blood of his wound. What gave the wound remained unknown as it was drowned out in the dark. Skulls, corpse and a wall of spiders snapped into his head like a natural reaction. His mind always pictured the scariest images when he was left with the nothing. Perhaps that was the worse of it.
“James” Julie shouted “I’ll shake the door as hard as I can and you can go near it and open it.”
“Alright” James responded, assuming he could get it open. To his left, a shaking sound was emerging from Julie’s efforts. Using his sense of ear, he walked slowly towards the sound, but he never made one step before he collapsed to the wooden floor. He screamed, but heard nothing, his eyes were shut close but he saw images, flashes of light in horrifying colors. An obscured face looked at him, then it flashed away as an image of test tube appeared, then of a city in flames, a hooded man stood looking over a cliff side, his back facing James, a large ship orbited the sky, creating a shadow that engulfed an entire city. The images began to flash faster and faster and James lost his ability to comprehend them, however, they remained just as horrifying in the daze of confusion and incomparability. A buzzing sound was heard all around him, he clenched his ears in hope to dilute the sound but it did not work.
Then a voice, a terrible inhuman voice screeched in his head,
Like a devil in your mind
With you it resides
As the images still raced in James’s head, something else touched him, a sense like James never felt before, it was a reminder, a reminder to do something. The sense told James to stand up and so he did. Just as he got his upper body up, a loud clang was heard behind, as something fell behind him. Then the sense informed him to dive to his right. He did again and something appear to hit the very spot he was sitting. The images began to fade away and just as they did, the door swung opened, brining in sun lighted that eclipsed around a man’s tall body. The figure moved towards James and quickly picked him up and took him away from the nightmare, for now
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Hey Reckoner!
This story is really interesting. I like how you used the small shed as a location for this eerie thing that would start your continuing story, which i hope to see. Alot of good scene desciptions and alot of dread in the darkness.
However, there are some grammar mistakes several places. I'll quickly go over them.
The sun shone brightly
I'd definately use a different word than "implanted" here.
Started laughing
Move the comma one word to the right.
and said, "tag you're it"
newfound, one word.
but nevertheless he went into the decaying shed.
In several places you forget a space between ending a sentence and starting a new one.
You use your main characters name alot. It's good to repeat it, but it was a bit too often here. Alot of the time you can just use a pronoun.
Things seem to get really interesting at the end there. Hopefully you find some inspiration to continue. Work on your grammar and writing style and you will be able to craft brilliant work.
Cheers
Birkhoff
Good job on this. I noticed that you made several errors, one of them recurring over and over again. In the first paragraph: "...out of James eyes,..." James should be James's. You also need to, when using quotations, you need to put the comma BEFORE the last quotation (when using a declarative sentence). Ex: I ran up to Miss Shelby. "Madam, you've forgotten your shoes," I reminded her."
Hope this helped!