Published October 20, 2007
I was once shrouded in shadows so dark and deep that it seemed light could never peirce them. These shadows were unlike any you've ever seen. They had a life of their own. Lost within these shadows, I was small and defeated, but I would not fall. I fought to find the light I sought and soon over came the shadows that plagued me. Now only one remains, as a reminder of where I came from. He serves as my protector and my companion as well as that reminder. Now I stand strong under God. I am Maitre D'Ombre. I am Master of Shadows.
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141,299 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
You've all been such help and you've asked a wonderful, wonderful question. Initially, this was merely the explanation behind a username I have on another site. After discussing it with a friend of mine and one or two of you on here, I've decided that I'm going to build from this to write a Novel. In fact, you all have officially been introduced to my NaNo tpopic.
Thanks Again,
~Rea
Oh me, oh my, I think that is a fearsome beast I spy! :p
That is a wonderful little description of the fearsome (and almost invincible) Shadows that you were teaching me about. I believe they may even be a terrifying and formidable opponent to my lovely and wonderously protective Penguins. *bows* They shall, no doubt, bring you much protection.
That odd rant over. I cannot wait to hear more on the Shadows Rea!
^.^
*Hearts* Le Penguin.
It's interesting but it's too short. I think you shoul write some more, and make it longer. And by the way I'm crazy about French, though I knew what maitre meant, I didn't know what d'Ombre meant until I read it. Oh, and Suzanne is right. des Ombres would be plural.
With such short prose, it must be very purposeful, each and every word. As Via said, what is it's purpose?
Cliches like "they had a life of their own" seem to lose meaning. You have maybe ten sentences to sweep the reader into this new, little world, so you don't want to waste any time. Similarly with "Lost within these shadows, I was small and defeated, but I would not fall." It's nice to say, but what does it really mean? I think that it takes too long to get into the feel of the last few sentences, when that is the main point. And I think that you could use more sensory imagery; what do the shadows really feel like? Imagine that you are there, eyes closed, mind shut off and all (you might look a little silly for a few minutes, but it will help ^_^). I think this could be a lovely short piece, if you tightened it up a little.
PM me if you have any questions,
-Amelia
It's sounds like an amazing beginning in a novel or short story...or short novel. I really like the idea, very much. But, as this stands now it's too short really to do anything with--including critique.
What is it's purpose?
Yay for French. ^_^ If you're wanting it to be plural, Master of Shadows, it will have to be Maitre des ombres, otherwise d'ombre is singular. Master of shadow.
I'm not entirely sure how to critique this. It is in "other" and it is a bit too short to give comments on. Is this the beginning of a story or...?