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Young Writers Society



In The Midst of Chaos- Chapter 2

by Reakeda


As they reached the edge of town, the sun was beginning to light the horizon. The rate at which the black night sky was turning to a grayish-blue color was almost alarming. Toshom knew they had to find shelter for the day. He looked around at the few buildings that still stood on the outskirts of town. They were probably covered in traps. They could not risk it with the children. This town happened to be on the edge of a small wooded area.

Toshom scanned the trees. The green flecks in his violet eyes shimmered as he watched the movements. There were people hiding there. Markali’s return confirmed Toshom’s suspicions.

“Three women, fourteen men and a child. The child is a captive. They haven’t seen you yet, but the buildings are rigged. Some will explode when you enter. Some will simply alert them that someone is in the building. They will surround the building and over take it, killing anyone inside.” Markali reported.

“We have to free that captive.” Toshom said, decisively.

“Toshom! We can’t. He’s well guarded and we’ll be seen before we make it to the woods,” Markali insisted.

“We can draw them away. You said some buildings alert them to intruders?”

“Yes.”

“Which ones?”

“It’s random. There’s no way of telling.”

“Then we’ll take our chances. Karash, how fast can you and Verren run?”

“Fast enough.”

“Pray that you are right. Mars, Karash, Verren. You have an important mission. You must carry this out with accuracy. If you do not escape fast enough, you will be killed. Markali, go to that building.” Toshom pointed to one three houses from them. “Throw three stones in at three second intervals when I signal. The signal is three notes whistled.”

“Karash and Verren, you go to those buildings.” Toshom pointed to two buildings in the opposite direction of where Markali headed. “Verren, as soon as those people start to move towards Markali throw three stones into the building at three second intervals.”

Verren nodded, determined to do as he was told.

“Karash, I want you to throw one stone into your building at the same time as Verren throws his second stone. As soon as the stone leaves your hand… run. Go straight towards their camp. I will meet you there with Taishalika and the captive set free.”

“How do you know this will work?” Markali asked, doubt weighing in his voice.

“Just trust me, Mars. Mars and Verren, as soon as your third stone leaves your hand run. You’ll meet us beyond the camp. We will meet you just one mile north of the camp. Mars, don’t let Verren get hurt.”

“Yes, Sir.” Markali gave a sarcastic salute.

As everyone fell into position, Toshom stood perfectly still, holding Taishalika against his chest. He whispered a prayer and looked to see if Markali was ready. Then his eyes drifted to Verren and Karash. Everyone was ready. Three sharp whistles were emitted into the dawn, sounding more like a bird’s call. He watched Markali throw the first stone. Instantly there was movement from the camp. Half of the group headed towards the building that Markali was now throwing the third stone into. Toshom’s gaze fell to Verren the child was releasing his second stone and the other half of the group was now moving towards that building. Toshom saw the figure of Karash running towards the camp and he took off himself. He reached the camp first. There was one guard left behind, which Toshom easily took out. He freed the captive in silence and stepped over to Karash. The explosion lit the field moments later. Toshom only prayed that the other two had escaped. He took Taishalika, who he had set down at the edge of the forest, back into his arms. Karash took the hand of the freed captive and they set off. They ran into the woods going at a diagonal. The darkness of the night had completely lifted now. They had only the woods to shade them. They had to slow a quarter of a mile into the woods.

The woods became dense and hard to move through. It took the group nearly two hours to reach their meeting point. When they did, no one was there. Toshom let out the bird-like whistle and looked around. He was relieved when he saw Verren step from behind a tree. Verren went straight to his father and wrapped his arms around Karash’s leg.

Toshom scanned the field for Markali. Where was he? Panic gripped in his throat. No. He could not panic. He had to think rationally. Markali was smart. If he had seen danger in the original plan, he would have altered it so that everyone could get away. Toshom looked to Verren.

“Where is Markali?”

“I... I waited until they started to return to their camp. If I had waited any longer, I’d have been caught. As I turned away I saw him.”

“Where was he, Verren?”

The boy hesitated. “He’s a captive now.”

The panic was rising again and Toshom took a step back. “No... Mars.” His words were soft and the tears that touched his eyes never shed. He looked at Karash. “Okay. We can’t go back. What’s done is done. We may be able to free him later. Markali is resourceful. If we can’t free him, he can free himself. God be with him.” Once again, Toshom’s words left no question. “We will continue north for only a day. Any longer and we’ll be entering enemy territory. We will rest only in the light hours. We will travel at night. There will always be two people on guard. The children will have to serve shifts as well, but only one child at a time. We will travel east starting the second day and go until we reach Torem.”

Karash nodded. “Very well. Verren and I will take first watch.”

“No. The captive and I are taking first watch. He needs to be assigned a rank and I have questions for him.”

Karash obeyed in silence. He took his children and found a hollow tree near the edge of the clearing. The three were asleep as soon as their heads touched the ground.

Toshom jumped into a tree, gesturing for the captive to follow. When the boy did, Toshom offered a friendly smile. “Keep your voice a whisper, but we need to talk.”

The captive nodded.

“What’s your name, rank if you have one, and code”

“Jermath. I was a captive. I didn't have a rank before that. No rank, no code.”

Toshom struggled for a moment with the next question. “Where did you come from and what do you know?” The boy’s accent had given away the answer to the first question and Toshom knew it to be his homeland, but the question was required.

“Kleamar” The boy answered, shifting his eyes down. “Everyone there is dead. Murdered for harboring and helping orphans. All of the lands have the choice to reveal the orphans... especially Christians… and kill them, hand them over to the organization, or suffer the fate of the orphans. I was not an orphan until the town was destroyed. They forced me to watch while they raped and killed my mother. I want to kill them for it. Braeden will pay for what was done.”

“They will pay, but not at our hands; not at your hands, Jermath. God will avenge his people. Forgive them, or it will only torture you. The pain will only build and it will become all the harder to do the right thing when faced with that decision.”

“But I can never forgive them.”

“It will come with time. Let God help you.”

“What would you know?! You probably never even knew your parents, let alone watched them be murdered!”

“Keep your voice down, boy. How old are you?”

“Thirteen. Old enough to take care of myself. I don’t need you.”

“Then leave. Go ahead. But you will find yourself wrong. It is always useful to travel with at least one other person. If you don’t have a rank then I hope you enjoyed your short life, because the second you are found by anyone aside from those within my own party it will come to an end. We try hard to avoid the organization, but when faced with the life or death situation we are forced to do what will keep us alive. The rank is the only thing that will mark you as one of us. We risked our lives to save you, but if you no longer need us, be gone.” Toshom’s gentle smile never left his face, but his tone hardened slightly.

“What is the rank?”

“The ranks were established as a way to keep us safe. If someone can’t give their rank and the code to go with that rank, they are considered part of the organization. The codes and ranks are given by the safe haven that the child is hidden in until they are old enough to run or are discovered. When the child runs, they are given a list of the ranks and codes in the form of nursery rhymes to memorize. The paper is burned as soon as the list is memorized. If the child is caught, they pull the paper, which had been hidden in a secret pocket in their clothing, and slip it into the first fire. The ranks are assigned when the child runs. They change as the child grows and changes. I started out as a Seeker. I am now a Warrior. I will not write the ranks and codes for you. I will speak them to you and you will memorize them. That is, if you stick with us.”

“I will.” Jermath shifted his eyes to the ground. As he did so, he grew stiff. Toshom followed his gaze. There was a man in the center of the clearing. It was obvious they had not been heard or seen, but this man posed a threat none-the-less.

“Go around in front of him. Get his attention to you.”

“What! He’ll kill me.”

“Just do it!” Toshom’s whisper was harsh as he directed the boy.

Jermath slipped from the tree and landed with a slight thud. He winced and looked up to see if he had been heard. He held his breath as he crept towards the man. He was still holding his breath as he stepped into the clearing, right into the man’s vision.

As the man caught sight of Jermath, Toshom slid from the tree. His silent movements were fast as he started towards the man. He pulled his knife from his pocket and flipped out the blade. He took one of the man’s arms and twisted it behind his back as Markali had done to Karash. At the same time, he pressed the blade against the man’s throat.

“Name, rank and code,” Toshom hissed.

The man spat towards Toshom’s feet. Toshom took one step back and twisted the man’s arm harder. The man gritted his teeth against the pain.

“Name, rank and code.”

“Go to hell.”

“Last chance. Name, rank and code.”

“So kill me then. I’ll see you in hell.”

“Have it your way.”

Toshom did not press the knife harder into the man’s throat, though. He looked to Jermath. “Get into the blanket on my back. There is bottle and rag in there. The bottle has clear liquid. Get them. Pour some of the liquid onto the rag and hand it to me.”

Jermath moved quickly to obey. It took him only a minute to find the opening to the pouch that Toshom had created in the blanket. Once he handed the cloth to Toshom, he returned to his place in front of the man.

Toshom took the rag and pressed it over the man’s mouth and nose with the same hand that held his knife. Within seconds, the man went limp.

Toshom let him crumple to the ground. He shook the others awake.

“Time to move on,” Toshom announced, wiping his blade on his pants leg. He closed it and slid the knife into his pocket. It was still light, but they couldn’t be here when the man awoke. Toshom picked up Taishalika and started north once more. Karash picked up his bag and took Verren’s hand. He gestured for Jermath to go ahead of him. Jermath followed three paces behind Toshom. Karash followed three paces behind Jermath, his eyes watching the trees. The three were more alert now.

Taishalika groaned as Toshom shifted her weight to his other side at some point during the day. The bugs were thick in the forest, but the foliage hid their footprints well. Jermath swatted away a swarm of mosquitoes only to be attacked by the blood-sucking parasites once more. The buzzing of the flies in Verren’s ears made the child swat and cry out every now and again. The sunlight filtered through the dense leaves of the forest, giving it a green glow.

Finally, after traveling four hours or so, Toshom stopped. He looked back as Jermath came up behind him. He held his finger to his lips, indicating for them to be quiet. Taishalika shifted in his arm and laid her head back onto his shoulder. Her thumb slipped into her mouth. Toshom looked at Karash and then shifted his eyes to what had caused him to stop.

His eyes had not shifted far outwards. In fact, they rested only a few feet from the group. There in the thick foliage a trap was set up. Upon looking closer at the ground in the clearing they were about to enter more traps could be seen. They weren’t laced with meat, as they would be for a bear. There was nothing to indicate that deer usually came through here, though it was possible. The teeth of the traps were sharp, but painted a dark brown to blend with the ground around them.

“Those,” Toshom’s voice was barely audible, “Aren’t meant for animals.”

“How can you be sure?” Karash asked, his voice almost as soft as Toshom’s.

“The people in this area haven’t hunted since the organization was formed. They are farmers of all sorts. Not only that, but they are not spaced properly to catch an animal. Also, you can see dug outs in the underbrush where humans laid in wait. If they were meant for animals, it would only be a camp nearby or a farmhouse. To be that close they have to be hunting something that knows how to get out of the traps.”

“Us.” The word was filled with horror as Jermath spoke it. He had seen what happened in his hometown. He had watched his mother be brutally raped and murdered. Now this struck him harder than any of that. “Th… They’re hunting us like… animals.”

“Also,” Toshom continued without missing a beat when Jermath finished his statement, “Those traps were outlawed to hunters before any one of us were even born. They are only used by the organization now.”

Karash listened, dumbfounded. His eyes were wide as he watched the traps as if they would jump up and attach themselves to his leg. His face had lost all color and his mouth hung partly open. His jaw moved slightly as if he was trying to form words, but all that came out was a rush of warm breath and a terrified squeak.

“Pull yourself together, Karash. We need to cross this field and it needs to be done in daylight. The guard that watches this clearing must be on a break or they have given up and moved on. There are sensors attached to the traps to let the organization know when a trap is set off. If you get caught in one of these you will be, at best, severely injured. You most likely won’t be able to walk very far. At worst, you will be so badly injured that you die before anyone from Braeden finds you. Your only chances for survival are to avoid those traps. If the guards are just on their break, we are limited on how much time we have to cross. Karash, pick up Verren.” Toshom’s determined features showed the seriousness of the situation they had just entered. He turned his gaze on Jermath. As he did, Taishalika stirred in his arms. A whine escaped her throat and then she started thrashing around and screaming at the top of her lungs.

Toshom’s eyes were the only thing that betrayed his fear. “Jermath, go now. Avoid those traps like the plague. Watch for the organization along the tree lines. Karash, follow by only three paces. I’ll take care of Taishalika and meet you on the other side. Keep going once you reach the other side. Travel for a mile. Then we will rest until nightfall.”

Jermath nodded and started across the clearing. His footing was unsure as he ran. His eyes darted from the ground and to the surrounding forest. No one in sight. He yelped as his footed landed too close to a trap, sending a rock flying to the center of it and setting it off.

Karash was right behind Jermath. His heavy breathing roared in his ears and he was sure it echoed through the forest. Verren’s weight in his arms made it hard for the older man to run and watch what was happening at the same time. The small boy hugged his father’s neck, clinging tightly. He buried his face in Karash’s shoulder, tears streaming down his dirty cheeks.

Toshom watched for only a moment when the two took off. He then turned his attention to the girl in his arms. He didn’t start out across the clearing, but rather, sat down and leaned against a tree.

“Shh…” He whispered. “God is here. Let him comfort you child.” He murmured, rocking gently. Then a hum started in his chest, reverberating up his vocal chords and into his throat. As the sound emitted from his mouth he started to sing. The song was gentle and soothing. Soon the disturbed child had settled and was sleeping soundly once more. He sat there for a while longer, rocking back and forth in the silence.

His eyes shifted towards the sky. The sunlight was beginning to fade now. He had to move or there wouldn’t be enough light to cross. He checked the dugouts and then took his first step into the clearing. Unlike the others, he walked. That had been his mistake. As he walked the darkness fell faster and faster. He was only halfway through the clearing when the darkness settled on him, and he had to keep moving.

His eyes searched the ground, barely making out the shapes of the traps. He held Taishalika tight against his chest. Toshom judged each step carefully, but all the planning in the world would not have prepared him for what happened next. The explosion of pain that went through his ankle mirrored the clearing around them. A scream lodged itself in his throat as he clamped his jaw shut to keep it from escaping. Taishalika let out a squeal in fear and clung tighter to him as he fell to the ground. He heard a few traps around him snap closed. He landed on his back. His head was between two traps, which, thankfully, did not go off. He was glad that no traps were under him. He sat up slowly, shifting Taishalika into his lap. Toshom reached around the child and felt down his leg and to his ankle. He gripped the sides of the trap in his hands and pulled it apart with all his strength. He grunted from the pain and effort as he pulled his ankle and foot from the trap.

That foot would be useless now. He shifted his eyes to the fire that was now inching towards them. Thank God, they hadn’t had a dry spell this season. He could not risk moving, though. That may set off traps. He couldn’t stand. He looked around him.

“Think, Toshom, think.” He mumbled.

The fallen branches of a tree caught his eyes. They were rough, and not perfectly straight, but they would do. He reached for the branches and grabbed three thick ones. He looked at the branches in his hand and then to the girl on his lap. He had to move around her without letting her fall. Toshom pulled at the sleeve of his shirt, which had been torn when he fell anyways. He tugged twice before hearing the ripping sound. He breathed a sigh of relief when it finally came loose. Then he pulled his knife from his pocket and flipped the blade open. He cut the sleeve in half and then put the knife away. He placed branches at the sides and back of his ankle and held them there with one hand.

“Taishalika,” He whispered. “Can you tie?”

The little girl shook her head.

“Can you hold these sticks in place for me?” His voice was soft. “I will give you candy if you can keep them in place until I say.”

“Okay.” Taishalika moved forward, crawling onto Toshom’s other leg. She reached to where his hand was holding the branches. She had to use both hands to reach all three branches.

While she held the branches in place, Toshom took one half of his sleeve and tied it over the tops of the branches. Then he tied the other half over the bottom of the branches.

“Good job.” He said, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out one piece of candy and handed it to her. She shoved it into her mouth and climbed back to his lap. Toshom pulled her into his arms as he used the trunk of a nearby tree to help him stand. He ignored the pain searing through his ankle as he started to limp across the clearing. His eyes shifted back to the fire, which was much too close. He had to move faster.

Determined to get Taishalika safely to her father, Toshom started to run. The pain in his ankle exploded over and over with each step, but he couldn’t stop. He had to keep going. Somehow, he managed to avoid any more traps.

As he reached the edge of the clearing, rain started to fall. The cold drops felt like pure joy as they landed on his skin. If it weren’t for the danger that still lingered around them, Toshom would’ve collapsed right there. He heard the smoldering and popping of the flames as they sizzled out, smothered by the sudden rain. His run slowed to a walk, which turned quickly to a limp.

Toshom’s breath came in slow, labored gasps. He limped forward, each step sapping more strength from his body. His eyes were losing focus and he stumbled and fell often. Taishalika whimpered as she clung to his neck, afraid he would drop her. He’d limped for nearly an hour and a half before he finally came to the others. Someone instantly took Taishalika from his arms and he collapsed onto the ground without a word.


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Tue Oct 23, 2007 5:08 am
PenguinAttack wrote a review...



Reakeda wrote:As they reached the edge of town, the sun was beginning to light the horizon. The rate at which the black night sky was turning to a grayish-blue color was almost alarming.


“greyish-blue colour”? A sub-standard description from you Rea, you can describe the murky darkness of night better then that! I’m sure of it.

Reakeda wrote:Toshom knew they had to find shelter for the day.


Tis verging on night, not “day” yes?

Reakeda wrote:He looked around at the few buildings that still stood on the outskirts of town. They were probably covered in traps. They could not risk it with the children. This town happened to be on the edge of a small wooded area.


Terribly lucky co-incidence, perhaps you could write it so it doesn’t sound so “it just so happens” it takes away from the reality.

Reakeda wrote:Toshom scanned the trees. The green flecks in his violet eyes shimmered as he watched the movements. There were people hiding there. Markali’s return confirmed Toshom’s suspicions.


These sentences seem very stilted, no connection is really made between them, and as such it sounds a little odd.

Reakeda wrote:I will meet you there with Taishalika and the captive set free.”


“and the captive set free”? Perhaps leave out the “set free” or use “the freed captive/child” instead? It is a little odd looking/sounding.

Reakeda wrote:“Just trust me, Mars. Mars and Verren, as soon as your third stone leaves your hand run. You’ll meet us beyond the camp. We will meet you just one mile north of the camp.


The first “Mars” can be taken out if you’re going to use the second, having his name twice so close is confusing. “You’ll meet us beyond the camp” is not needed if you include the next sentence, as it just repeats the same basic info.

Reakeda wrote:Toshom’s gaze fell to Verren the child was releasing his second stone and the other half of the group was now moving towards that building.


Comma after “Verren”

Reakeda wrote:There was one guard left behind, which Toshom easily took out.


Who, not “which”

Reakeda wrote:The explosion lit the field moments later.


“An explosion” not “the”, we didn’t know anything was going to explode, so using “the” makes us think we missed something about making a building explode on purpose.

Reakeda wrote:They ran into the woods going at a diagonal. The darkness of the night had completely lifted now. They had only the woods to shade them. They had to slow a quarter of a mile into the woods.


“they had” “they” “they had” it is both tiring repetition and also makes the sentences seem like short, unconnected, statements. It lacks flow.

Reakeda wrote:Verren went straight to his father and wrapped his arms around Karash’s leg.


Perhaps using “The boy” instead of “Verren” would work better? I’m not sure why but using his name so much gets tiring.

Reakeda wrote:Toshom scanned the field for Markali. Where was he? Panic gripped in his throat.


No “in”

Reakeda wrote:The boy’s accent had given away the answer to the first question and Toshom knew it to be his homeland, but the question was required.


What is “it”? “He knew what his homeland was” perhaps? The “it” confuses the reader.

Reakeda wrote:or suffer the fate of the orphans.


“of the orphans” is not needed, although leaving it would be fine as well.

Reakeda wrote:“Also,” Toshom continued without missing a beat when Jermath finished his statement, “Those traps were outlawed to hunters before any one of us were even born. They are only used by the organization now.”


The “also” is repetitive, people tend not to say “also” so much, you are giving a list of things, which is okay, but try to make it seems less like a list, if you can.

Reakeda wrote:“Pull yourself together, Karash. We need to cross this field and it needs to be done in daylight.


“and it needs to be” would be better suited as “and we need to do it”

Reakeda wrote:The guard that watches this clearing must be on a break or they have given up and moved on.


You’re only talking abut one guard, but then change to “they”, which is it?

Reakeda wrote:Toshom pulled at the sleeve of his shirt, which had been torn when he fell anyways.


“Anyways” doesn’t fit here, take it out.


You repeat the names of characters quite a lot, after a while this becomes repetitive and slightly annoying. I would suggest taking out the names that do not need to be there. People do not often use others names in conversations anyway. So this repetition is jarring and out of place.

I am really enjoying this. It is both well written and interesting; I cannot wait to see more!

*Hearts* Le Penguin.




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Tue Oct 23, 2007 4:06 am
Kim says...



this is an awesome story, i really like the dialogue between your characters. very well written. very suspenseful. great job.
kim





'They are afraid of nothing,' I grumbled, watching their approach through the window. 'Together, they would brave Satan and all his legions.'
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights