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I Find Myself Agreeing

by RazzleDazzle

I see him everywhere. I swear he's following me, but then I look into his eyes and... It has to be more pure than that. The way he looks at me, it's just so...

We only met a few weeks ago, but I feel something pulling him towards me. I can't put my finger on it. My gut tells me to run, but the way he talks to me; the way he touches me. It's so soft. He is like an addiction; even if he hurts me, it might be worth it just to hear him call me 'darling' again.

Ten times in the past two weeks. But I can't get enough of him. His words are like magic, and I find myself entranced. I feel high when he looks at me. I've never felt like this before.

He showed up at my doorstep today with a coffee in his hand - exactly how I take it. I don't remember telling him my order, nor my address, but he reassures me I just forgot. I always was forgetful like that. His eyes pierce my very core, but his sweet words patch up the wound so tenderly. How could I ever say no? Why would I ever say no?

Twenty-six times in a month. He must really love me. I can't believe he isn't sick of me, I must be so annoying. I really am lucky he found me and took me in. He says he wants to make me perfect, and I would really like him to do that, too. He says my friends are holding me back, and I find myself agreeing. He says my family are overprotective, and I find myself agreeing. He tells me it is us against the world, and I find myself agreeing.

No one understands me the way he does. He's so patient with me, the world has failed me, my parents and friends have been using me this entire time, and he opened my eyes. He makes my every meal and even chooses my outfits, I honestly don't know what I would do without him. I'm not sure if I could function without him; I'm not sure that I would want to. He is really my entire world. His words are so gentle, and his touch is rough. He does it because he loves me.

I quit my job today, and I'm finally moving in with him. I basically lived there anyway, he told me my roommates were plotting against me, and it opened my eyes. He told me he would look after my every need, and all I have to do is be his. He is truly kind. He truly loves me. He says he wants me to be his forever, and I find that I want that, too. I want to be his. I need to be his. That what he tells me, and I find myself agreeing. He would never lie to me, I would never doubt him. He is my entire world. When he is gone, I wait for him to come back. He says I can't go out by myself, it's a big scary world and people would try to take me away from him - he says no one would understand our love, and I find myself agreeing; he would never lie to me, he knows what is best for me.

Every time he looks at me, it is with a hunger in his eyes. He tells me that he loves me, and he touches me like he loves me, but he looks at me like prey. I know he would never hurt me unless he had to, unless I deserve it, but lately he seems to react to the smallest things - as if he is looking for a reason. It's all for my own good, I should be grateful to him that he is giving someone as pathetic as me a chance. My gut tells me to run, my heart tells me to stay, and my brain knows I don't have a choice. I shouldn't want a choice, he would punish me for this thinking, rightfully so. He loves me, who am I to question that? He is the sun, and I am an ember. I am the blades of grass crushed beneath his feet. He is everything and anything, and I am nothing. It hurts, but he tells me this is the way it should be, and I find myself agreeing. I fear what happens if I don't.

His gentle hands trace the chunks and holes missing from my body. He tells me he does this to make us closer, to prove he loves me. Maybe I don't want his love anymore. But, no one else loved me, and no one else ever has or will. He is my life. My world. My everything. Maybe I am destined for nothing. He wouldn't be happy with this thinking. He seems to always know what's on my mind, like it was programmed simply for him. He tells me my body was made especially for him. He tells me he owns my body, my mind, my soul, and I find myself agreeing. I have nothing but his love, and I must be grateful. I do not want anything but his love. But I wish it didn't hurt this much. He assures me it is normal, and he kisses it all better, so I find myself agreeing that this is what I want too. All of the suffering is worth it, just for his love. That is what he tells me, and I find myself agreeing.

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12 Reviews

Points: 8
Reviews: 12

Sun Feb 04, 2024 7:56 pm
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AJW wrote a review...

Hello! This is AJW with my not normal review. (Meaning that I'm not as best at noticing the grammar details but I do notice details in the story itself)

This is a very meaningful piece. This goes over how the boyfriend showed up knowing all these things about you, or at least claiming that he did. He assured you that you told him how you liked your coffee. Then he kept doing that same very thing. Of "assuring" you that you could rely on him. That you didn't need anything or anyone else, as long as you belonged to him.

It mentions that the protagonist has nobody else that loves them. So being with "him" is better than nothing.

This is a very relatable piece. (In general, not for me) But people do go through this. Sometimes they really do give up everything for their partner. Money, home, people, etc. It can be awful. Then when they try to leave it's very difficult for them because they are leaving to go to nothing. That's when the boyfriend seems like their own kind of "Savior" to them.

Anyway, you perfectly set up a kind of manipulative character who takes advantage of his partner.

I really enjoyed reading this and I hope you have a lovely day!

RazzleDazzle says...

Thank you!! :D

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1148 Reviews

Points: 313
Reviews: 1148

Sat Feb 03, 2024 3:06 pm
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vampricone6783 wrote a review...

Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!

Shalt we commence with the spooky S’more?

Top Graham Cracker - It’s a sequel to the poem, but from the perspective of the victim, who becomes less of his own person and more of an extension to his “boyfriend”…

Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I think that you meant to say “That’s what he tells me” at one part, but that’s just one little thing.

Chocolate Bar - I like how the main character seems to know that the person he loves isn’t good for him, but stays. He listens to that person when he tells the character that everyone else is bad for him. It’s painted as romance in the character’s eyes, but to others, it is obsession. I like the uneasiness of it. :>

Closing Graham Cracker - A great sequel to the poem! I see that you’ve posted another part that may connect to this and I will be certain to check it out sometime soon. I enjoyed reading this. :]

I wish you a fantastic day/night!

RazzleDazzle says...

:-D Ty!!

vampricone6783 says...

You%u2019re welcome! :>

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Points: 34
Reviews: 7

Fri Feb 02, 2024 4:45 am
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SimonBolivia wrote a review...

I believe that this is an interesting change from how stories are usually written. To me, the genre seems like either a romance or an erotic thriller. I would like to know more about which of these you would categorize it as.

The language is not simplistic, it is poetic and vivid, and I can follow along every paragraph to what it is about. I like how you lead up to the title of the piece, which is "I find myself agreeing." It was a good written piece, and it stays around the same basic theme effectively. I would better enjoy the story if you could tell us more about the main characters, but I have to admit that their chemistry is good.

It is fun to read, and also may have something meaningful. I hope you continue to write more.

RazzleDazzle says...

Hi, thank you for your review!! I honestly have no idea what genre it classifies as tbh, so I've just been calling it romance/horror - but erotic thriller works really well. I try to write my stories poetically to leave the details up to interpretation - I find it works better with my message - but I will definitely describe my characters more vividly in some other works. :-D

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43 Reviews

Points: 1758
Reviews: 43

Fri Feb 02, 2024 4:23 am
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Avian wrote a review...

Hello, fellow author! I saw your work in the Green Room and decided to deliver a bird-themed review for you, partially inspired by the YWS S'more Method! Let’s dive right into it! (Bird-style, of course)

Bird’s-Eye View: First Impressions!
This piece tells a tragic tale of manipulation and abuse. It takes on an interesting perspective, revealing the thoughts and feelings of the protagonist, and how they are truly being lied to and forced to believe such things. Love and abuse can get confusing, especially when we think everything is out of love. You captured these thoughts well in this poem, really bringing to light the difficult confusions of abusive relationships. We really do believe our abuser loves us; only wants what's best for us. We want what's best for them, after all.

Flying High: Things I Loved!
The progression in this piece is used very effectively. I think this really is an excellent depiction of abuse and manipulation. How it goes from a simple meeting (although, this first meeting seemed to be a bit troubling) to a relationship, and eventually the protagonist starts to doubt the relationship. But after all the gaslighting, manipulation, and lying, the main character's own viewpoints have been so distorted that they truly think it has all been done in the name of love. "It started out all so great; he loved me; he wouldn't hurt me; I wouldn't hurt him, so why would he hurt me?" These are some of the thoughts I indirectly caught throughout the piece.
I also love the repetition of "I find myself agreeing." This adds emphasis to the phrase and the title, as well as captures the feelings of not quite realizing the antagonist's true intentions.

Bird Song: Favorite Lines!

It hurts, but he tells me this is the way it should be, and I find myself agreeing. I fear what happens if I don't.

This is truly such a tragic sentence. (But in a good way, since it fits the story well.) for a mind to be distorted to the point where pain is equated to love is such a sad scene to imagine.

He tells me he does this to make us closer, to prove he loves me. Maybe I don't want his love anymore. But, no one else loved me, and no one else ever has or will. He is my life. My world. My everything

Not only does this give us a little bit of context as to why the protagonist has believed all "his" lies, (since they state that no one else has ever loved them) but it paints a poignant picture of the circling thoughts of someone in an abusive relationship.

There are many more lines I loved, but for the sake of conciseness, I'll just stick with these two. There is such beautiful imagery in this piece! (As tragic as the story is)

Preen Your Feathers: A Bit of Advice!
There were multiple places where it seemed to be referenced that the protagonist was experiencing physical abuse, but it was never elaborated on. This story does seem to mainly focus on the confusion of emotional abuse, so it would also be interesting to see more in-depth thoughts of the protagonist when they are experiencing those things, as well.

However, this is mainly just a personal preference of mine. The only reason I really pointed this out was because I didn't find anything inherently wrong with the story, but still wanted to offer some insight. Only take this advice if you find it helpful!

Lifting Off: Closing Thoughts!
As much as I pointed out the tragic and sad parts of this piece, it truly was an incredible read. I did notice that you tagged this as horror, and might have meant for this to be more of a thriller-type piece with a distorted main character and an even more psychotic antagonist. However, I think this really does speak into what abuse can look and feel like. Thank you so much for sharing this piece, it was incredibly written!

Keep writing! -Avian

RazzleDazzle says...

Thank you so much!! In my other work (%u201CBleed for me, Darling%u201D) I explore the physical abuse through the eyes of the abuser. Thank you for your review!!

Beware of advice—even this.
— Carl Sandburg