Tinted Gold

Wow! I love your play of words in this

"The honey melts into my ears,
flowing down my throat in a sweet, serene vibration."
Sounds yummy!!

"Beautiful words,
words which sweeten the truths and lies that I taste,
not with my tongue."
I like the way you said this. It makes me think about the bitter taste lies can leave in yo
ur mouth.

" It's my own lips that move through the rhythms,
my own voice following the harmonious paths."
For some reason when i read this, i wanted to dance

" The last glassy drops linger.

They smooth over my entire being,
engulf me in their gentle way."
I like the way you described what it made you feel.

" I felt, not heard."
I like how u said that. Most people say what they felt or what they heard. You didn't say what you felt, only that you did, and said you didn't hear,not what you didn't hear. I thought that was clever.

" Any words that dare pierce my ears
will be plain and unhandsome in comparison.

But for now, everything I see is tinted gold."
Nicely done.

Over all i really loved this poem. The word play you used was great and the flow was nice. The way you described what was happening to you made me hungry, so i give you my kudos. You did greatand i hope you keep at it.

Hi Raz without her icoon! Here to review!

The honey melts into my ears,
flowing down my throat in a sweet, serene vibration.
It spills into my soul.
Breaking down the lock,
Opening the door.

There we go

I hear the words of others.

Words which sweeten the truths and lies that I taste,

Nice line!

Not with my tongue.

The last glassy drops linger.

But for now, everything I see is tinted gold.

'Tis fine, Walker darling! Honestly, I don't see myself as much of a poet either. By that, I mean I NEVER write poetry. I was actually pretty skeptical as to whether or not I should post this. And trust me, I'm happier the more you rip it to shreds -- it means you're putting time and thought into this. Thank you for that.

Razzy, I'm going to be brutally honest with you on this one only because I thought it best to do as such. I prefer you as a prose writer over a poet.

Now, this does not change the fact that everyone can improve and change. That we all have the capability of growing. The thing is, after reading this a couple times, all I could think of was how it seemed without any real emotion. That your diction is gorgeous and your use of vocabulary is definitely not something to shake a stick at, but the idea of the poem seems childish.

I think with this, the best thing you could do is to be a little more original. Your metaphors are almost an exact parallel with the topic at hand, as if you're simply explaining what you're doing by using an example. This can be good, but too much of it merely makes it seem like you tried a more clever way of stating something you could easily say. Like a rant or a diary entry. Maybe I'm being too overly critical but from the moment I start reading this, I already knew how it was going to end. What imagery you were going to use.

I want you to try being a little more subtle. Taking that lovely diction or yours and start on topics that can't simply be explained in the manner you had.

I'm sorry if this appeared harsh. I think you are a fantastic writer but as a piece of poetry, I don't know if I liked this all that much. I think you're capable of much more than this.

~Walker

Hi, i loved your poem, very unique and truthful.
Spelling was brilliant so i have no criticism in that respect.

The honey melts into my ears,
flowing down my throat in a sweet, serene vibration.
It spills into my soul,
breaking down the lock,
opening the door. I loved this paragraph, superb choice of language

I hear the words of others.

Beautiful words,
words which sweeten the truths and lies that I taste,
not with my tongue. I feel this sentence is not needed.
The golden sound overflows.
The vibrations emit from myself,
and the words become my own.
It's my own lips that move through the rhythms,
my own voice following the harmonious paths.

The last glassy drops linger.

They smooth over my entire being,
engulf me in their gentle way.
I felt, not heard.
Any words that dare pierce my ears
will be plain and unhandsome in comparison.

But for now, everything I see is tinted gold.