z

Young Writers Society



Scream

by RayquazaKid


Here is an original work of mine. This story was inspried by a quick comment a classmate made, apparently he was hearing more things (possibly due to headache he payed more attention to them), and I couldn't help but think What if this was a worldwide occurance? What would happen? Here is the result.

Scream

When it comes to the sudden, no one can expect it. There is no defense against it. It usually defies all logic, and does not fit with the world. That was how the phenomenon was described. One smart but rather naïve individual called it the Deus Ex Machina, and while I’m sure it saved someone’s life, the term is misused. It is true in the fact that it was unexpected and out of place, but it did more harm than good, and did not occur at the end of a story. No, it is because of it that this story even exists, as it is the beginning.

You wanted to scream in pain, but you knew that would make things a hell of a lot worse. They say silence is golden, but on that day those words could not have been truer.

I am but a normal man. I have a good-paying job, and I have a nice house with a wife and kids. I have my hobbies, my pastimes, and football. Oh how I am a lover of football.

That day, however, was the only day I can recall ever being thankful there were no games that day. The stands full of roaring fans. The sound produced from all of the activity would have been deafening, even on the other side of the world.

For the sake of documentation, I must recount my experience.

It started just like any other day, and I am aware of how cliché this line is, but any other words would fail to describe how strange this was. It was my lunch break at work, and not even a street away is Times Square. Thus, that was the place to be on my time off.

So after grabbing a pizza at a nearby joint, I walked into the center of it all. Ahead of me the streets intersect each other, before going their separate ways far into the distance. I look toward the Times Square Tower, which looms over the humans passing through.

I looked around. As always the streets were bustling with activity. Cab drivers honked in anger as the traffic progressed slowly through the square. Countless conversations were spoken at once. Music played from inside the stores and buildings that lined the streets, some could be heard from the outside.

It was a recipe for disaster.

For no reason what-so-ever, the few clouds above our heads suddenly parted, as if they were being pushed down by some invisible force.

And for some reason, the air seemed a lot heavier; I could feel it pressing down on me. It wasn’t nearly enough to slow me down; I could still move with relative ease.

And then I started hearing things. Voices, music, noise, and every sound you could imagine. “Beep beep!”, “And I was going too-”, “Vrrrooo-mmmm!”, “Y en la segunda hora yo tengo-”, “Crack!”

Every minute sound for twenty miles around could be heard clearly, and I imagine you could hear faint sounds from across the glove. I heard Chinese, Spanish, Russian, French, German, and every language I could name as well as some I could not. And all the voices I heard, followed by a collective scream.

They were hearing almost the same things as I could, and their speech was cut off. The screams of a billion humans, and the cries of dogs, cats, mice, birds, and countless other creatures reached my ears.

I myself screamed as the pain washed over me. I wished my eardrums would pop so I could be spared from the sound. I doubled over onto the pavement below me, as did many other people. Some did that, and even began to scratch at their faces, trying to reach their eardrums and pop them manually.

And it made sense to me, I was provoked in numerous ways to do the same thing myself, but at the same time curiosity about what was happening kept me at bay.

And then after that I figured it out. It took all the strength I had to control my screaming voice long enough to yell, “Dun scream!”

Some people nearby clapped their hands over the mouths in response, they were only following my lead.

And I will assume that many people heard me, for the intensity of the noise lessened a bit. I could also hear other people relaying my message. I am very glad they took the notion and passed it on.

Soon everything became much calmer. The pain was still there, as the animals had not yet figured out how to combat the problem. Some figured it out, and stop making any noise what-so-ever. Thank goodness.

Finally, the sound came low enough to where we could take our hands off our ears. Some people, whom it was obvious where affected the most, had a little difficulty standing up. A few of those had lost their hearing, and at the time I had wished I could have been so fortunate.

Then, as suddenly as it all started, it stopped. The sound ceased altogether. I could no longer hear the shrieks of the animals. It was as if the phenomenon was over.

Not many people realized this right away. It was only when someone accidentally gave in and had to scream in pain; they had been sideswiped by a car when the whole thing started. Our reaction was the same; we all reached out in dismay. And yet, nothing happened.

We realized that it was over. It was a moment before anyone actually did anything once more, but it was over. Nothing else mattered.

I immediately ran back toward the office. There was sure to be word on this. I absolutely had to know what had just happened.

I was there, and everybody had gathered in the conference room. A television had been set up and some people were flicking furiously through the channels, trying to find which news stations were broadcasting.

Even though the event was experienced worldwide, the news stations were indeed broadcasting but only information we already knew.

An hour went by, and we finally learned something useful.

Apparently, a company in Europe had been conducting an experiment concerning the atmosphere. It had an undesired effect, causing the surface air density to increase twenty-fold. I knew I felt funny right before hand. So, it was no wonder the sound traveled so far, there was much more of a medium then before.

The company issued a public apology to the world. Unfortunately, the damage had already been done.

Many lives were lost (because some people lost their ability to fly airplanes, drive cars, and the like). Some lost their hearing, and others went insane. Those that were spared from those three fates have become much more cautious about speaking. I’ve heard stories of people that have refused to speak ever since that day.

After all, they fear the phenomenon will happen again someday. I myself am part of this collective thought. There is no telling what will happen.

I hope that for the sake of my football games, it doesn’t happen ever again.

Please do let me know what you think! :D


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User avatar
6 Reviews


Points: 2020
Reviews: 6

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Sat Mar 13, 2010 8:41 pm
Hap wrote a review...



Hi Ray.

Wow. I have to say, I'm impressed. I really enjoyed reading this - what an interesting concept you've got here! I love finding original works like this. You should thank your friend for such a nice idea.

I liked the narration here, and the sense of humor/down-to-earth personality of your main character. I also like how you never tell much about the character, but I was able to take an interest in what he was doing and what he was thinking. But I digress - what makes this piece so good is the idea. You executed the setting just right, and even the cliche use of the "it started out as any other day" scene worked well.

I really have nothing but praise for this, so I'll "Like" it and hope to see more from you. And as a side-note, never procrastinate to write something like this. If you've got a unique idea, jot it down and save it for later, at the least. Good ideas are few and far between, so grab on to them.

I hope that for the sake of my football games, it doesn’t happen ever again.

Awesome.

Keep writing.
Hap




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Sat Mar 13, 2010 8:27 pm
RayquazaKid says...



Nephthys wrote:I hope I don't sound too mean... :(


Haha, no. You're absolutely right. When I came up with the idea I thought about it from a normal person's perspective, most people wouldn't know what was going on. It probably would have been better had I done it from a worker's perspective, but I thought that would take away the what is this? factor.

The only reason I included the Deus Ex Machina part was that it was something we learned in english recently (though I knew what it was before that). It was to suggest that it saved a few peoples lives (from murder and such), though it is indeed wrong for the most part.

And yea the air density wouldn't work, that was just me trying to explain it.

And to be honest, I didn't like the story either (I procrastinated on it for weeks), and only finished because I promised the classmate I would.

Thanks for the feedback :)




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Sat Mar 13, 2010 8:08 pm
Nephthys wrote a review...



RayquazaKid wrote:When it comes to the sudden, no one can expect it.


Duh?....

RayquazaKid wrote:There is no defense against it. It usually defies all logic, and does not fit with the world. That was how the phenomenon was described. One smart but rather naïve individual called it the Deus Ex Machina, and while I’m sure it saved someone’s life, the term is misused. It is true in the fact that it was unexpected and out of place, but it did more harm than good, and did not occur at the end of a story. No, it is because of it that this story even exists, as it is the beginning.


This is a very awkward paragraph. First of all, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Secondly, if the reader doesn't know what a Deus Ex Machina is, then they will be extra confused.

Also, I'm not sure that you know what a Deus Ex Machina is. Saving lives is not the primary component. Although you get bonus points for theatre history knowledge ;)

The paragraph as a whole is very repetitive and pretentious.

RayquazaKid wrote:I am but a normal man. I have a good-paying job, and I have a nice house with a wife and kids. I have my hobbies, my pastimes, and football. Oh how I am a lover of football.


This sounds very pretentious. If that was your intention, congratulations! :) If not, you've just made the reader hate your main character. Cut out the "but" and rephrase the sentence "Oh how I am a lover of football" and it will immediately become much less pretentious.

RayquazaKid wrote:That day, however, was the only day I can recall ever being thankful there were no games that day.


?... You just said that. Cut off the "that day" at the end.

RayquazaKid wrote:They were hearing almost the same things as I could,

"They were hearing almost the same things that I was"

RayquazaKid wrote:I immediately ran back toward the office. There was sure to be word on this. I absolutely had to know what had just happened.

This guy is really annoying. He talks like a snob.

RayquazaKid wrote:Apparently, a company in Europe had been conducting an experiment concerning the atmosphere. It had an undesired effect, causing the surface air density to increase twenty-fold. I knew I felt funny right before hand. So, it was no wonder the sound traveled so far, there was much more of a medium then before.


I don't think that the main character should be the one to explain what happened. I think instead you should switch to the POV of someone conducting the experiment, or a newspaper article or something.

RayquazaKid wrote:I hope that for the sake of my football games, it doesn’t happen ever again.


I really don't like your narrator. He talks like a snob, and is very repetitive, and I wanted to punch him several times throughout this story. Because I hated the narrator, I didn't really care that much about what happened to him.

Also, I'm pretty sure if the density of the air increased that much, everyone would just die...

Overall I honestly just didn't really like this story. I didn't really like the idea or the narrator. Maybe someone who liked the idea would like the story as a whole, but I personally did not find it particularly interesting.

I hope I don't sound too mean... :(





Maybe I should say something quote-worthy, like, I dunno... "You can only be happy if you decide to be happy?"
— Necromancer14