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Young Writers Society



Attempt - A Myst Oneshot

by RayquazaKid


Hello everyone. This is the first fiction I am posting here, it is a fan fiction based off the game series Myst.

For those unfamiliar with Myst, all you need to know for this story is that one can use a technique called "The art" to write books that link to other worlds, called ages, in essence one can write their own world. Just inside the cover is a panel that when touched (usually with palm of a hand), the user is transported to that world. There are countless books like this.

Edit: I should've put this in as well. In the game series, the character "Stranger" is just a player avatar. He could be me, or you, or even Sarah Palin. Sorry if I didn't include that in my description of Myst. :oops:

Without further ado, I present my fiction. It is a oneshot.

Attempt

Stranger was very familiar with the legends of the D’ni people. Having heard countless tales about them from Atrus, he was no stranger to the topic.

So it was no surprise that the numerous stories got Stranger interested in the workings of the civilization. After all, it was their linking books that were able to take him to many fantastical places. Tomanha, Channelwood, Serenia, Ameteria, even Riven was a result of their art. It was the book of Myst that had started it all, and the idea behind that book was also thanks to the D’ni.

So one day, Stranger asked Atrus how linking books really worked. The man was more than happy to tell his old friend the story. He even went so far as to show the ancient writings to Stranger.

When Stranger seemed to become interested, Atrus taught it to him. As he had already taken the J’nanin lesson course, although he was forced to and the course had been altered, so all he needed was the art of writing and he could make his own age.

He had kept the teachings very well, and remembered them for a very long time. Eventually, there came a time when he came bored of his explorations.

Myst Island was getting old, as were the four other ages connected with the island. Riven was gone, and there was currently no spare linking books to J’nanin, otherwise Stranger would have gone to the 223rd age or Edanna right away. Even though Serenia was a fantastically beautiful place, there was nothing else to see there.

However, there was another solution. If there were no other places he wanted to go to, and if the places he did want to go to were barred, there was one other option previously unopened to him. He could create his own age.

It could be a world of his choosing. An age he could create however he saw fit. And he would be able to explore it all by himself! It would be something to remember.

And so, he took a blank linking book that Atrus had given him should he ever decide to try his hand. The red cover was soon unseen as the book was opened. He began writing.

It took him a long while. Stranger lost all track of time. He was sure it took him many days at the least. Exactly how many he was uncertain, it seemed like forty days total. Of course, he took breaks.

But he soon had his very own age. After working for so long, he was finally done. As he looked at his work with excitement, he could barely wait any longer.

He quickly inscribed a name for the age on the cover. Stranger was satisfied with the result.

Stranger sucked in a breath. It was time. He grabbed a nearby linking book, one that actually linked back to the age he was on; he would need a way to return.

Then, with the sheer amount of anticipation forcing his hand to shake, he slowly opened the book to reveal the panel. A moment later he was gone.

For a moment, the area was devoid of activity. Only the wind was there to disturb the silence.

Then a sound was heard as the Stranger rematerialized a few moments after he left. He was back.

For a second, he looked around as if trying to find out exactly where he had linked to. As it turned out it was exactly where he had been before. And he looked down to the linking book he had previously used to go to the new age below him.

He sat down, and at the same time he reached to pick up the linking book. He looked at the panel for a moment, which was still visible as the book had not closed since he linked away.

Stranger then remembered the uniformity with Atrus' ages, how they all had balance and simplicity. Stranger's age, on the other hand, was very chaotic and random; to the point he could not navigate it. There wasn't even a comparison, Strangers' age had turned out very bad.

With a sigh, he tossed the linking book away. I should leave the art of making ages to the professionals. He decided.

Please don't hesitate to comment, I would love to know how good I did, and if not how I could improve. Thanks for reading! :)


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Sun Mar 14, 2010 12:02 am
RayquazaKid says...



Myst Island was getting old, as were the four other ages connected with the island. Riven was gone, and there was currently no spare linking books to J’nanin, otherwise Stranger would have gone to the 223rd age or Edanna right away. Even though Serenia was a fantastically beautiful place, there was nothing else to see there.
This is too much information thrown at the reader, particularly one who knows little of Myth. I think you should simplify and compact. Maybe use a tone that suggests frustration and sadness at the loss of these beautiful places. What of Riven is missed? For example: 'The flying monkeys of Riven no longer roosted in the branches of coconut trees." It would also give personality to the character. Does he miss adventurous lands or the quiet, beautiful ones?
For a reader who has played the sequels to Myst; Riven, Exile, and Revelation, they would probably know what I am talking about with this. I first wrote it in mind that Myst fans would read it (though that hasn't happened in the month it's been on the web).

I'd also like to know a little more about the world he creates. You only touch on the surface of a story here but what would interest the reader is this character's mind. Uhhh... okay so you have a lot of discussion over the importance of the name but never tell us what he settled on? That irritated me lol.


The name and actual look of the world are up for the reader to decide. Allthough I guess I could suggest what the world would look like. And... perhaps I could shorten the discussion of the name to a paragraph.

I should leave the art of making ages to the professionals. Needless to say he did not like what he had seen.
If it isn't needed to be said, why say it? Instead describe his reaction. Describe how he looks. Is his hair toussled from running, his face frowning, pale, angry? How did he not like what he saw?
Yea, that was me contradicting myself, fixed. It's quite hard to describe how the character looks when he is an avatar.

Thanks for reviewing my story thoughh. :)




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Sat Mar 13, 2010 9:39 pm
Rydia wrote a review...



Hey hey! Myth oooh, interesting. I played one of those games when I was younger. It was called Myth lol. I remember that there was a boat and a book and pages or something? Good stuff, loved the puzzle element. Anyway! I like the general plot you have, the idea that he doesn't like the world he creates but I think you could have chosen a better style for this. Perhaps you could have shown us more rather than telling? I'd love to see this start with a conversation about how worlds are made between the stranger and Atrus. It would make the information more interesting.

I'd also like to know a little more about the world he creates. You only touch on the surface of a story here but what would interest the reader is this character's mind. What could a person create and then dislike so much that they destroy it without hesitation? It intrigues me. Here's a few more specific comments:

Myst Island was getting old, as were the four other ages connected with the island. Riven was gone, and there was currently no spare linking books to J’nanin, otherwise Stranger would have gone to the 223rd age or Edanna right away. Even though Serenia was a fantastically beautiful place, there was nothing else to see there.
This is too much information thrown at the reader, particularly one who knows little of Myth. I think you should simplify and compact. Maybe use a tone that suggests frustration and sadness at the loss of these beautiful places. What of Riven is missed? For example: 'The flying monkeys of Riven no longer roosted in the branches of coconut trees." It would also give personality to the character. Does he miss adventurous lands or the quiet, beautiful ones?[/Quote]

Uhhh... okay so you have a lot of discussion over the importance of the name but never tell us what he settled on? That irritated me lol.

I should leave the art of making ages to the professionals. Needless to say he did not like what he had seen.
If it isn't needed to be said, why say it? Instead describe his reaction. Describe how he looks. Is his hair toussled from running, his face frowning, pale, angry? How did he not like what he saw?

Okay! Well thanks for the read and I hope this helps a little. PM me if you have questions!

Heather xx




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Sat Mar 13, 2010 5:02 pm
MiaParamore says...



I get it now. Hope to read it more. Keep Writing!!!!!




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Sat Mar 13, 2010 3:11 pm
RayquazaKid says...



Thanks for the review. I took a look at the thing you pointed out, most of them I agreed with, and some I changed to something else.

As for the character, he is a player avatar, so Stranger could be anyone; even Sarah Palin if she were playing Myst.

Thanks again for reviewing. :)




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Sat Mar 13, 2010 9:31 am
MiaParamore wrote a review...



Hi RayquazaKid, I am here as requested. Honestly speaking, I didn't have any idea what Myst is :?: . But you explained it very well and I know quite a lot about it. So this is the first fanfiction I have read so carefully. It is interesting and worth continuing. Here are some nit-picks(If you don't agree with me then ignore them but I suggest you should.):

It was the book of Myst that had started it all, and the idea behind that book was also #FF0000 ">thanks to the D’ni.

Change it to 'because of'.

So one day#0000FF ">,Stranger asked Atrus how linking books really worked.


As he had already taken the J’nanin lesson course, however #FF0000 ">it was forced and altered, all he needed was the art of writing and he could make his own age.


He #FF0000 ">had kept the teachings very well, and remembered them for a very long time.

Eventually, there came a time where#FF0000 ">(replace it with 'when') he came bored of his explorations.


An age#FF0000 ">, he could create to his liking.

I am not sure myself but shouldn't you use,'according' after,'create'.

He leaned forward to better examine the cover.
?????? Can you reframe the sentence.

Grammar: I didn't find any big mistake as such. You use small sentences which is good and also nice.
Characters: Stranger is nice. But can you describe him? For I am sure many of us don't know him. I would ove to picturize him in my mind while reading.
Overall: It was a nice attempt and made me glued to the screen all time.And that;s tough for I have shoprt attention span.
KEEP WRITING !!!!!!!!!!! PM me when you want any help or reviews... I would be glad if I can help.




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Sat Mar 13, 2010 3:44 am
RayquazaKid says...



LittlePetRock wrote:Hello Rayquazakid!
I've never heard of Myst, but I'm here at your request. :)
I shall review this is #0000FF ">beautiful blue.
#0000FF ">
Nitpick:

It seems a bit dull to me, try adding some dialogue to it.

Yea, it is a little hard to add worthwhile dialogue when he doesn't interact with anyone during the bulk of the story. I'll see what I can do.


Stranger was very familiar with the legends of the D’ni people. Having heard countless tales about them from Atrus, he was no stranger to the topic. With the character's name being Stranger, it seems a bit odd that the word 'stranger' was written to describe the bolded.
To tell the truth, his name is Stranger. In the Myst game, Stranger is the avatar for the player, and since the appearance and personality vary from player to player, he is simply referred to as "The stranger". His real name is really Stranger, that's something I did... maybe the bolded doesn't work too well...[/quote]

And even though Serenia was a fantastically beautiful place, there was nothing else to see there. #0000FF ">'And' at the beginning of a sentence fells strange to me.
Yep, that was stupid me trying to keep the paragraph from being one sentence. Haha, ill get that real quick.

Thanks for the review, I greatly appreciate it. :)




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Sat Mar 13, 2010 3:19 am
LittlePetRock wrote a review...



Hello Rayquazakid!
I've never heard of Myst, but I'm here at your request. :)
I shall review this is #0000FF ">beautiful blue.
#0000FF ">
Nitpick:

It seems a bit dull to me, try adding some dialogue to it.



Stranger was very familiar with the legends of the D’ni people. Having heard countless tales about them from Atrus, he was no stranger to the topic. With the character's name being Stranger, it seems a bit odd that the word 'stranger' was written to describe the bolded.


And even though Serenia was a fantastically beautiful place, there was nothing else to see there. #0000FF ">'And' at the beginning of a sentence fells strange to me.





We think in generalities, but we live in details.
— Alfred North Whitehead