Animal Story

PreviousNext

Okay...This is a contest entry. Well, for now at least. When the contest is over, I'll edit this part out. But for now...it's my entry n_n You can still critique it, though! Please do! NO CRITIQUE IS TOO HARSH! Lol. Just...don't cuss me out, okay? Thanks!!!

~Rayne

Evening. My sleep-stricken eyes opened lazily and I directed my attention towards the setting sun. I lifted myself slowly and stretched out, digging my paws into the crunchy snow I had been dozing in. The hunt would be starting soon. I heard my back crack as I leaned down, stretching out my limbs after a pleasant afternoon nap. I looked at the white blanket of powdered ice beneath me. It was crushed in and there was the imprint of my body, all the way down to the distinct fur lines. I yawned, still half asleep, and extended my gleaming white claws, not only to test their sharpness, but also to make sure they were still there. Yes, they were there. I settled back down in the snow and waited for nightfall. My eyelids began to drop again, but somehow, I managed to keep them open. Unfortunately, I lost the battle to stay awake until the night came, and I drifted back into oblivion.

I was startled out of a deep sleep by the sudden darkness around me. To my great fortune, night had arrived, so I stood, stretched, shook the snow off my thick fur, and trotted off to the forest to search for prey. A light snowfall accompanied me as I made my way to the trees. Finally, I reached the dense forest and snuck around, looking for a decent meal. I ran ahead a little, until I reached a fork in the road. As I stood there, I heard cracking of twigs and something powdery falling. Whatever it was dropped from the trees above me and landed on my head. I jumped a mile high and dashed behind a pine tree. I peered out and found a small pile of snow.

I sighed with relief and walked back out into the open. I shook my head to get the remaining snow off. A tiny silver earring on my right ear jingled as I did so. Realizing that I was probably scaring off potential meals, I stopped shaking. I brushed the rest of the snow off of my fluffy head with my enormous paw and chose the path that led to the village. Maybe there would be a shepherd who was leading his herd of sheep in for the night and I could pick off one or two of those. Naturally, I was right.

I climbed up on top of a snow-capped rock to scan the perimeter. I looked down to find a group of sheep being led by a shepherd, heading in for a long, cold sleep. I grinned with satisfaction and jumped down off the rock. I trotted ahead a little ways and walked up onto a smaller rock a little closer to the sheep. My teeth were exposed in a smile when I looked down upon them again.

One of the fatter sheep of the group stopped to sniff around for any grass that may be growing out of the snow somewhere. I smiled at the sheep’s stupidity and crouched down, disappearing behind the rock. Only my eyes were visible behind the rock. I continued to watch the sheep. I tensed my muscles, ready to pounce at any moment, when all of a sudden...

“Bark, bark, bark!!”

A shrill bark rang out, cutting through the silent night like an arrow. I cringed at the sound, and the fur on my back bristled. Furious, I lifted my head to see who it was that made the obnoxious sound. A big, red, yellow, and white husky-like dog ran towards the stray sheep.

No!!!’ I screamed in my thoughts.

The sheep, alarmed, raced forward to catch up to its group. I growled angrily. Enraged, I leaped back on top of the rock and sat down to watch the dog.

Well, I was going to eat the sheep, but, since you ruined it for me, you’ll do,’ I thought to myself.

I volted off the rock and propelled myself towards the unsuspecting dog. I was kind of surprised he didn’t see me, but after all, he was a dog... I picked up speed as I neared the dog. My mouth opened and I could taste the dog's flesh in my mouth. My claws popped out of their hiding place as I got closer and closer. My eyes lit up when I knew for sure he was mine for the taking. My adrenaline pumping, I zeroed in on his neck and went in for the kill. I never saw the shepherd turn around. He obviously saw me, and, scared for his dog, decided to do something to save him from me.

“Kazzero!” The man called. I stopped dead in my tracks. “Come, boy!”

Kazzero, his tongue dangling from his mouth, his face adorned in a goofy smile, scuttled towards his owner. My mouth hung open in shock. That was twice in one hunt my prey had gotten away from me. Twice!!! I wasn’t about to let it happen again.

My green eyes centered on the shepherd. I growled viciously and began creeping towards him. The man put his dog inside his tiny house, and was about to go in himself, until he heard me growl. He released the door, causing it to close, and he turned around. I heard a gulp come from him and I smiled devilishly. He turned back quickly and made an attempt at opening the door. As he did, I made my move.

The door never opened. I leaped onto his back and ripped my teeth into the back of his neck. Blood sprayed me in the face as continued to attack him. He stumbled backwards, screaming bloody murder.

Kazzero, alarmed by the blood-curdling scream, looked out the window, desperately trying to find his master. The now heavy snow and darkness of night made it impossible to see anything. That didn’t stop me, though. I continue to maul the shepherd until the screaming stopped. I pulled and ripped and tore at his skin. I tasted the blood in my mouth, a taste not foreign to me. I took him by the neck and bit down until it heard it crack. Satisfied, I ripped his shirt open and feasted, starting with his stomach. I ripped it open and tugged on the meat inside until it came off his bones. I chewed on it, savoring every delectable moment. Kazzero, terrified of what could have happened, hurried to the door and scratched at the knob until it twisted, releasing it. He raced out into the snow and looked around. When he looked down, he jumped and yelped.

Blood-stained snow lay beneath him. He looked up and discovered a trail of it. I looked up when I saw the light coming through the doorway. The light turned my eyes yellow as I looked into it. Assured it was the dog, I grabbed the dead shepherd by his exposed cheek bone and dragged him back to the small rock, where I propped him up and continued to dine. Kazzero followed the trail until he came to the fabric that I ripped off of the man’s shirt. Seeing that Kazzero was following the trail of blood, I lifted one side of my upper lip and growled.

Damn dog...’ I thought to myself.

I decided not to take any chances with this creature. I sadly abandoned the man and ran into the trees. Kazzero kept following the blood and the paw prints and the trail left by the man’s body being dragged all the way to...well, where it was. I knew the dog would follow me once he found his master’s dead, mangled body, which is why I didn’t stop running. That is, until I came to a cave. Oddly enough, I had never seen it before, but I didn’t take the time to worry about that. I ran inside and watched for the dog.

Kazzero had finally found the man’s body. Sadness overwhelmed him when he saw what had become of his beloved master. After the saddness faded away, though, he was overpowered with rage and made it his duty to find and (at least try to) destroy me. I chuckled at the thought of this. A dog, killing a tiger! The more I thought about it, the harder I laughed. Realizing it probably wasn’t helping my situation, I stopped immediately and watched the distance for any sign of the dog.

A little while later, Kazzero came trotting up the trail, very much alert, sniffing the snow, looking for any sign of me. Finally, he reached the cave and stood in front of it. I knew he knew I was inside and was waiting for me to come out. Without further delay, I stalked out of the cave and walked up to him. I stood up straight and looked down at him in all my glory.

“You...” he said. “You killed my master.”

“That I did,” I responded. “Hey, it’s not my fault if he left himself wide open and vulnerable. I need to eat too. Here in Siberia, you need to be watching your back. You never know when a tiger such as myself will make an attempt at eating you. Who’s to say it’s only an attempt either?”

Kazzero said nothing for a moment or two. He knew very well that I had made an excellent point. The snowfall began to lighten so we could see each other a little easier. Kazzero’s face was filled with hurt, anger, and sadness. Mostly anger, though. Sure, I felt bad – a little. It was like I had killed his father. But I didn’t feel bad enough to give up my habit of eating people. I can’t afford to make exceptions just because some dog lost his owner. I’m sure I’ve killed lots of owners in the past. Why should I feel bad just because one of them finally decided to do something about it?

But as I studied Kazzero’s face, I could sense a different emotion. It wasn’t fear – no, it was the exact opposite; Confidence. I was quite surprised that this dog had the bravery to come after me in the first place, then have the confidence to stand up to me. It made me feel like I wasn’t doing my job properly. Well, I couldn’t let Kazzero get away with making me feel like a failure.

“Look, dog, sorry about your master, but you’re just going to have to get over it. I realize he probably did a lot for you, and he was really nice and...whatever. But that’s the way the food chain works. Maybe people shouldn’t be at the top after all. Just...don’t let it bother you. I’m sure you’ll be over it in a week or two. But whatever you decide to do, don’t let taking me on in a little one-on-one battle be a part of it. Trust me, it’s not at all worth it.”

Maybe I was a little harsh, but I spoke the truth. I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it.

“Being a vicious killer, I guess I can’t expect you to feel compassion. Not like what I felt towards the shepherd.” My mouth dropped. “I get it – you’re a heartless murderer who didn’t know better. I can’t blame you, really. And I don’t. Even though I should, because, well, maybe I didn’t see it, but I heard you kill him. I probably won’t get over it, but I’m not that stupid. I would never dare take on a Siberian tiger by myself, so I’m going to let you get away with it...this time.” Kazzero turned around and headed back to his cottage.

I couldn’t believe he had actually said that to me! But I wasn’t going to let him leave without letting him know how I felt... I jumped in front of him, knocked him over, pinned him to the ground, and got right up in his face.

“How dare you?!?! Tell me I can’t be compassionate?!?! Tell me I’m heartless?!?! Who do you think you are?!?! You ignorant, self-centered brat!!! Any dog that truly cared about his owner would fight their killers, no matter what they were up against!!! I’ll have you know, you would have been the dead one had it not been for that shepherd calling you in!!! And I guess I can’t expect a pampered wretch such as yourself to know, but you have no idea what it’s like to live in the wild!!! If you lived out here on your own, you’d be willing to kill a human for your own sake too!!! But you do not tell me I am heartless and incapable of feeling compassion when you’ve never experienced what it's like to be out here by yourself!!!” My bright, glowing green eyes reflected off the now terrified eyes of the dog. “...It’s very obvious you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing out here, so I suggest you leave, and I suggest you make it quick...”

With a furious growl, I released Kazzero and stalked off. I could tell he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. Instead, he got up and raced away. Finally, he was acting smart.

I miserably walked back to my sleeping place and laid down, washing the blood off of my face and cleaning myself up for bed. And so, after a long night, I was finally able to get some sleep.

Comments & reviews · 4
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

You can earn up to 366 points for reviewing this work. The amount of points you earn is based on the length of the review. To ensure you receive the maximum possible points, please spend time writing your review.
User avatar
RayneChild
Comment

Oh... haha. Thank you for pointing those out to me!!! I'll fix them right away! It's so weird how the reader notices these things that the writer doesn't... Anyway, thanks again!

User avatar
alwaysawriter
Review

Hi Rayne. Sorry it took so long; as I said before, I completly forgot about the contest. I'm ahead on my NaNo--at least for today--so I figured I'd go ahead and review this.

all the way down to distinct fur lines.
all the way down to the distinct fur lines.

As I stood there, I heard cracking of twigs and something powdery falling. Something dropped from the trees above me and landed on my head.
Something sounds a bit repetitive. Be careful of that.

I peered out and found... a small pile of snow.
No ellipse here. Remember that an ellipse is used as a substitute for words that you don't want to write (or don't have the space to write) and there were no missing words in that sentence.

Everything seemed to be going my way that night.
Things hadn't been going his way, though; he almost was heard by the sheep before the dog came.

Only my eyes were visible, only so I could watch the sheep.
Once again, watch the repetitiveness in this sentence. Find a synoym for one of the Onlys.

Enraged, I leaped back on top of the rock and sat down to watched the dog.
I think you added two extra letters to Watch.

“How DARE you?!?!
Try not to capitalize words. Italics look better and we don't want to hurt anyone's eyes.

Like Kyte said, I found no grammatical errors. A few typos but that happens to everyone. I found it to be sad but good. I feel bad for the dog and the tiger killing the old man creeped me out but you did good with the description. I do have to point one thing out--I think you're more likely to find a wolf near a bunch of sheep in the country than a tiger.

Anyway, good job. The contest will be judged by the middle of next month or at least that's my plan. Sorry you have to wait so long!

As always, PM me if you need anything or have any questions. :)

-alwaysawriter

User avatar
RayneChild
Comment

Yeah, I know what you mean. I'll fix those... *hurries off to fix story* Thanks!

~Rayne

User avatar
Stori
Comment

I haven't found any grammar mistakes, so you'll be spared that. But... this piece could do with a lot more showing. Know what I mean? Don't say, "I woke up." Say, "I drifted up from oblivion, yawning widely."



In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
— Robert Frost