Published April 13, 2010
I love the touch of your skin...
The sound of your voice
The way you say please..
I don't have a choice.
My smile that you love
The sound of the rain
Your sparkling eyes..
I'd deal with the pain.
The touch of your kiss
Your tight embrace
Your cheeky stare
Your cute little face.
Please take me away
On this lovely path
So I'll be with you
And our love will last
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,611 Literary Works • 675,149 Reviews
This is okay, but really cliche.
I think you could improve it a lot more by changing some parts around, making it into your own words instead of those phrases that you always hear everyone say.
Of course, I get it that you probably wrote this about someone you know, and it's supposed to be describing them.
And this part is incomplete, but all you need to do is add an "And" before "our love will last"
I liked how you kept your poem simple but sweet. But there's just one problem in you poem and it is how you rhyme them. For the first stanza it's a good beginning and so is the second. but the third one, you only rhymed the last three lines. Also with the last stanza. but the ending's nice.
Keep up the good work!!